Chapter 100 Tank Speaks. A LOT.
Tank’s POV
Dinner was excellent. I’m not the biggest fan of churrascarias (overeating’s too easy) but it was great to get everyone together and have fun. Lula looked happier than I’ve seen in months and she and Steph looked excited to talk to each other. I may have to consider going back to New Jersey more often. Lula needs her ‘peeps’.
Diego and I talked about Miami and what he wants to do there. I’m impressed by him. Lots of good ideas, strong leadership skills, no nonsense. Still a little impatient but he’ll learn. We discussed possible ideas for him to try and he looked excited by a few of them.
The RMSA men aren’t quite sure what to make of him right now. Arlo likes him but Gonzo’s not sure. Diego will have to win over Gonzo in order to get the RMSA men to like him. Gonzo can be an idiot but he’s a damn good leader and Marine. They should click off that.
Mark also had good ideas for Diego. I made an effort to talk to Mark. I have to. He’s my soldier too and now that Steph has worked her magic on him, he’s calmer. Quiet. Patient. Eventually, Lula and Steph noticed and we were banned from discussing business for the rest of the night by the ladies.
Mark spent half the night texting on the phone before I asked what he was doing.
He blushed. “Checking on Alejandro.”
Hec heard that and looked over. “Why?“
Mark shrugged. “He smashed his finger. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t still in pain.“
Hector merely stared at him. Steph grinned.
“How is he?”
“Better. He and Nikki are still discussing punishment for the naughty door.” Mark had a small smile on his face at that. “Nikki thinks he hid some of his candy and she’s been searching for it. I’ve been giving her ideas based on where I would hide candy at his age.”
“Is she finding it?”
“Fifteen pieces so far.”
The women laughed. ML started listing places her sons hid things when they were Hector Manuel’s age and Mark texted those locations to Nikki. That turned up four more pieces of candy. The women cooed over how cute it was that Mark was trying to help and Mark’s ears turned red.
Hector continued to stare at Mark with a half sick look on his face. Mark very pointedly ignored it. I looked at Bobby; he can’t wait to joke on Hector. I can’t wait to tease Hec about Mark as his son’s father. Bobby will laugh like a hyena at all of it and Les will want to make jokes. I’ll have to hold him back.
I’ll have to duck blades but I can’t wait to see Hec’s face. Ranger will have a field day.
-oOo-
Everyone else is on their way back to the hotels and Bobby’s headed to his apartment but I have Steph. I’m headed to Sonic’s. She’s moaning in my passenger seat.
“Tank, please, I’m stuffed and I’m not looking forward to gym time in the morning.” Steph looks pitiful and I chuckle at her.
“Want a slurpie?”
She perks up. “I haven’t had one in years.”
“Lula is addicted to Sonic’s. Don’t tell her I brought you here. I’ll never hear the end of it if you do.”
She laughs as I pull in. She quickly proves that her stomach can take anything. She orders a banana split and I get my slushie.
“Alright big guy, you’ve kidnapped me and taken me off. What’s up?” She looks around suddenly. “Um … is—”
“No.”
She deflates in the seat and I’m tempted, very tempted to tell her, but it’s not my secret to tell her. I consider what I need to say then start.
“Ranger and I don’t talk about our love lives. It’s more a watch and figure it out.”
I look at her. She’s pink and smiling. I smile back.
“I don’t know what the status is between you two. Want to give me a hint?”
She’s quiet for a while before saying, “We’re committed.”
I smile, take her hand and squeeze gently. “Good. About time.”
She slaps my arm. “Tank!” she says, but she’s still pink. I restart the truck and exit. I hit the highway. We’ll cruise for a while. Moving targets, just in case.
I slurp my slushie for a few minutes while watching her work her way through that banana split. It’s almost as if she had nothing for dinner.
“It’s been exhausting watching you and him deny each other. I’m sure there are reasons for it that I’ll never know, but I do know this: I’m happy to welcome you into my life as my newest little sister.”
“I thought I already was,” she says, smiling.
I nod. “You are, but for me, this dedication is deeper.” I shift in my seat. Lots of talking tonight. “For years, I’ve thought of Ranger, Bobby and Les as my brothers, but for me, Ranger is more than my brother. He’s my best friend and my Ranger buddy. There’s a bond between us that I used to say nothing could break.”
I look at her. She’s solemn. Good.
“I’ve learned, since then, that there is one thing that could come between us.”
“Me,” she whispers.
“And Lula,” I reply. She looks up in confusion and I nod. “Women could break our brotherhood. If forced to choose between Lula and our brotherhood, I would choose my woman. Ranger would choose you.”
Her mouth is a perfect ‘O’.
“I would choose Lula because that’s the commitment required in marriage. It’s even in the vows—”
“Let no man put asunder,” she murmurs.
“Right.”
It’s quiet in my truck for a few minutes. I want to open this discussion, and I do want it to be a discussion, but I want to open it gently.
“Our brotherhood, until now, was airtight. No cracks. We moved as a unit. Everyone had a role. Everyone had a responsibility. We brought in Hector, a test of our brotherhood, and it’s only grown stronger. But the latest test in our brotherhood came when I decided to marry Lula.”
Steph’s brow furrows.
“You know Lula’s rep with a gun.” She laughs. “Exactly, but for us, it wasn’t funny. The day of the Stop and Shop incident, all of us stopped laughing at the cop allergy part.”
“There was a reason for that, Tank,” Steph says worriedly. “You need to talk to Lula about that.”
“We’ve discussed it.” She exhales. “I understand what was behind that and it was deeper than the Trenton cops.” All tension leaves her body and she smiles at me. “I know the full truth and I know more than what she revealed to you. There are a lot of things we’re working through but, like you, Les, Ranger, Bobby, and Hector only needed to know about the way Trenton PD had treated her for them to understand.”
She nods slowly.
“But for the brotherhood, that was the test. They demanded that if I seriously intended to marry Lula, the insanity with the guns had to come to an end. She could cost us the business, but more important to them, they had no interest in watching me deal with the legal and financial ramifications of her actions.”
“I agree,” Steph says. “She shoots at everything. It’s insane.”
“Yes, but for them, the guns weren’t the issue. It was the effect it would have on me.” Steph looks confused. “No one, not Les, Bobby, Hector, or Ranger, was interested in watching me deal with the aftermath. No one wanted to watch me try to find the right lawyer to keep her out of jail or visit her there constantly. No one wanted to see the emotional toll it would take. They were determined that I help her get a grip on the guns to make our lives together easier.”
Steph is quiet in my passenger seat. “So it wasn’t about the company?”
I snort. “The company was a side issue for them. What was important to them was Lula’s life and mine. My wife had to learn to be responsible so I wouldn’t have the pain of watching her sit in jail. That was what they cared about.”
“Oh.” The ‘oh’ is very quiet.
I smile. “But for her the guns were about more than just shooting. It was about thinking before she acted and facing her fears. It was about taking responsibility for her actions and remembering that there are consequences to everything. You helped and I really thank you, Little Girl, for the things you said to her. It helped.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Chester Deuce has a brother, Jason. I arranged for Jason and Lula to meet. Let her tell you the full story but long story short, Jason was involved in an accidental shooting out here. Not guilty in the criminal trial, $1 million judgment in the civil case.”
Steph whistles. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah. That’s when Lula really accepted that guns are not meant to scare people. They’re meant for the defense of self and others. An accidental shooting cost Ches Deuce’s brother over $2 million total. I’m a bigger target. If Lula shot someone, how much do you think they’d sue her for, knowing my pockets are much deeper? Jason Deuce spent three months in jail for aggravated assault. How long would Lula spend in jail if charged, with her criminal history and background?”
“Right,” Steph says thoughtfully. “Nightmare.” She looks at me. “Could Lula even get bail?”
I shrug. “Exactly.” Now for the hard part. “I expect the next test to involve you, Steph, and I expect the test to be much harder, deeper and longer.”
“Me?” She’s mystified. “Why me?”
“Because we’ve always wondered if you really understood that your life matters. We wondered, still wonder, if you really understand that you are not expendable to us.”
She sighs. “This is going to be about the offline to the mall thing, right?”
I smile. “Among other things.” I pick up her hand. “Steph, what we want to know is that you value your life, Hector’s life, and Ranger’s life. Ranger is my partner. Have you considered that your actions will also affect me?”
She leans back in shock but says nothing.
“I’m bringing this up with you now because I know that Hector and Ranger intend to have discussions, like the one we’re having now, with Lula. Hector plans to do his while he’s here and Ranger intends to do his once the op is over. No way do I make it down the aisle without Lula and Ranger coming to one accord.”
Steph smiles. “I hope so. I’m tired of the ban against Lula in our home.”
I chuckle. “So am I.” I grin. “You and I both know that until Ranger and Lula have it out about her lack of care with your life, they will never quite get along. Ranger likes her, has muttered that I needed to quit playing around and marry her for years”—I roll my eyes and she laughs—”like I was the one dragging my feet, but he also knows that she’s nosy and too curious. For Ranger, that’s a no no.”
“And me?”
I sigh. “I worry that someday you’ll get pissed off, go do something less than brilliant, Ranger will be forced to save your life and he’ll be killed. That frightens me, Steph. Lula doesn’t have care for your life. You have a lack of care for other people’s lives.” I look at her solemnly. “I need to know that’s changed. I need to know that you’ll never put Ranger into danger doing something just because you were pissed, bored or angry.”
Steph has turned an impressive shade of red during that speech.
“Is that what you thought? That my need to go to the mall was just ‘Oh, Steph doesn’t give a fuck about Ranger’s life so she’s just gonna go to the mall because she doesn’t give a damn?'”
“Not quite, but I assumed that you didn’t think it through.”
She stares at me. “I’ve never been so insulted in my life!”
“Why?”
“Because that’s telling me that you think I really don’t give a damn about people’s lives, Tank!”
“The evidence so far backs up my assumption, Steph.”
She’s furious. “I can’t believe you said that!”
I shrug. “Convince me otherwise.”
“I do distractions to prevent the men from being hurt all the time!”
“Then you fail to safeguard your safety in the field, or at least you used to, which caused them harm.”
She’s looking at me in shock. I’m wish I had Bobby’s or Les’s skill at stuff like this. I suck talking to women. They had plenty of experience in their teens learning to smooth talk. I didn’t and I suck at it. I’m always the voice of reason.
I decide to change tack.
“OK, so what was the need to go to the mall about?”
“How about the fact that I hadn’t been alone in months! Like, since you guys moved me out of my apartment!”
My eyebrow rises. “I didn’t know that.”
“Well, that’s what it was about. Having some freedom. Being by myself. Having a moment to remember I’m a woman, not a mercenary-in-training.” I snort mentally. Good one, Plum. “Thanks a lot, Tank.”
She’s pissed and I’m honestly amused by it.
“Steph?”
“What?”
“Do I look like a mind reader?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“How was I supposed to know you hadn’t been on your own in months? You never said anything.”
“I . . . I . . .” She sputters, blinking fast.
“I knew you were getting private time away from RangeMan. You had six weeks at the beach. Ella took you to the beach for an extended weekend. Ranger’s apartment, where you stay, is supposed to be off-limits. You managed a weekend away in Miami. Actually, you had the weekend away in Miami and the week away on your first visit. I assumed your needs were being met. You’ve had more time away from RangeMan this year than I have but I never knew you needed time away from everyone.”
She’s staring at me and I mentally laugh my head off at the sight of her face. She looks confused and pissed at the same time.
“The RangeMen cannot read minds. Ranger’s good, but that ability is still lacking in 99.9% of the company. If you don’t tell us ‘Hey, as great as you guys are, I need time away from all of you,” we won’t know. We have a 0700 call and that’s your time to tell us everything we need to know, including that you need time off.”
She leans back against the seat. “Oh shit . . . “
“Exactly. Hector arranged for you to take time away once you told him, right?”
“Yeah,” she mutters.
“OK. So we don’t know what you don’t tell us. Simple as that. Now, the mall. Do I really think you did it knowingly? No. But that’s what I mean. You went to the mall knowing you are a target in a deadly op. You didn’t clear it with anyone involved in the op. You didn’t even tell your partner that you were leaving. You just went.”
She’s slumping in the seat. “Well, did you guys consider that ‘offline’ wasn’t really well defined? It wasn’t until I talked to Hector that I realized how hard it is to defend in a mall. I’m a woman, Tank. The mall isn’t a scary place. It’s heaven.”
I snort but I give her that one. Lula worships there regularly.
“Yeah. You’re laughing but you look at a mall and assess it for security. I look at a mall and think ‘shoes’. Both of us are right and both of us are wrong. I’m sorry, Tank, but I don’t always think ‘mercenary’. Unfortunately for you men, I sometimes think ‘woman’!”
“Point noted. Now, what changed about the definition of offline?”
“Well . . . ” She’s thinking hard but I already know the answer.
“Nothing, correct?” Her jaw clenches. “Hal and Ram merely read what was in the SOPs in regards to offline, right?”
“Well, no, they made changes!”
“What were they?”
I’m waiting. I already know the answer because when Hal called me, I reread the SOPs. They were pretty clear to me, but I saw a change that could be made and I directed them to make it. I then informed every XO to make the same change, effective immediately.
“SOPs still state that offline is defined as ‘not on the clock, not available to be on the clock, and incommunicado.’ Correct?”
“Right,” she mutters.
“Right. The definition itself did not change but your understanding of it was expanded because they gave you examples, correct?”
Her shoulders slump. “Right.”
“And you agreed that that was offline as you understood it, correct?”
“Shit.”
I smile. Nothing changed, only her understanding of it. “So the only thing that changed is that I modified it to state that one’s direct supervisor has to be informed. That removed the ambiguity about who has to be informed. Otherwise, nothing changed. Right?”
“Right.” Tiny voice. I hear her mutter, “Damn!”
“Now, being followed by 10-15 people at the mall in Miami didn’t help you understand that the mall is a dangerous place?”
She blanches. Lord, she’s innocent. It’s going to take something harsh for her to get it.
I need to talk to my RB. He needs to make sure his woman gets it. He demanded the same thing of me and I came through. Lula chose to put the guns away and she asked for training. His turn. I need some proof, something substantial that will show me Steph gets it. Words won’t do.
“You know what angered us about the mall situation?”
“There’s more?” she mutters sarcastically.
I look at her calmly until she blushes. “What angered us was that it seemed that, even after all the training and everything you’ve learned, it still didn’t matter. You still didn’t take your life seriously. Now, after the mall fiasco, Hal and Ram sat with you and outlined security for you for every single place in Trenton you want to go.”
“Right! That made it easier for me to move. I got a chance to dictate my security myself, Tank.”
I snort. “And what happens when you want to or have to go somewhere not previously covered?” I glance over. She’s staring at me. “See, Ranger, Les, Bobby and I all said, hey, this is a delicate op. She knows that. She’s not going to put herself in danger. She’s going to use her good judgment and make the decisions about where she wants to go and she doesn’t need us to dictate to her. She doesn’t like having a dedicated guard so we won’t do that to her.
Then you went to the mall. No backup. No notification. Nothing. Could have been kidnapped or killed easily. We didn’t get it. Then Hal tells us he’s worked with you to coordinate security. On its face that sounds good, but in the long run we’re treating you like a child. Now you have a preapproved list of places to go and a preapproved number of guards and a security detail. You can’t move without negotiating in advance. You tell Hal what you plan to do each morning so he can put guards in place, right? That’s the way we treat Julie.”
Steph’s jaw has dropped. I’ll bet she never looked at her current situation like that. She never realized that she’s being treated like a child now.
“We treated you as we treat ourselves, but the next thing we know Hal’s put you under guard and you agreed to it. That blew us away! You’re being treated like an adult Julie and all you had to do was say, hey, I need time away from all of you. Vacation, offline, personal time, whatever, let’s make that happen. Before the mall incident, you moved where you wanted, when you wanted, and all you had to say was, hey, I’m headed to XYZ and the guys coordinated security based on your decisions, right?”
Steph’s pale. I hope she understands now why we were so angry. We were prepared to never put a guard on her again. In our minds, Steph was someone who no longer required a constant guard. She was a RangeWoman, trained like every other man. She could take care of herself.
That was Les and Bobby’s argument. They fought Ranger to remove all the guards, saying Les’s psyop had worked. Steph didn’t need a constant dedicated guard. She got it. They both really went to bat for her after she passed standards and it seemed they were right. Steph would inform the bridge when she was headed somewhere and who her partner was if it wasn’t Hector, according to Hal.
Ranger’s first response (and mine too) after the mall incident was to put the guards back on her. Les and Bobby were pissed and disappointed.
“Right,” she whispers.
I look at her face. She’s pale. She sees how Hal got her now. My protégé is a smart young man. She didn’t see how he tied her in knots. He loves her and doesn’t want her to die on his watch.
I’m still cruising San Antonio. The city is beautiful at night, but I think we’re ready for a diversion. I think we’ll go walk downtown for a little while. I exit the highway and start cruising closer to Market Square.
“Now, Miami was different. New city, one you aren’t familiar with, and the threat wasn’t just high. It was there. After you were kidnapped, it was clear you understood the importance of your safety and we backed off. We told everyone to back off and allow you to do what you wanted instead of locking you in the building. That’s why no one discussed security with you when you went back to Trenton. Familiar city, you know everyone, and you’d proved to us that you understood your life was important. We weren’t concerned anymore.”
“Then I went to the mall,” Steph says, tiredly.
“Right. We were confused and when Hector told us it was because you needed time away, I personally was angry because I wondered why you didn’t tell me. I’m your boss, Stephanie.” She cringes. “If you needed personal time away, you only had to ask. Have I made it uncomfortable for you to ask me for things?”
I park downtown and unlock the doors. Steph hops down and we start walking. El Mercado, or Market Square, is moderately loud, as usual, and I’m thinking of going to Mi Tierra. Lula loves their bakery and they’re open 24 hours. I look over. She still hasn’t answered.
“No, you haven’t. I simply didn’t think to ask you because you guys told me the company was mine to run.”
“First, the company still belongs to us.” She winces slightly. “Second, you still have bosses you can ask for things from. Just because you’re running the other branches doesn’t mean you can’t call on us. 0700 is not the only time you have to tell me you need something. You don’t hesitate to call me with company problems. Why not that?”
Again, she’s quiet. “I’m used to solving my own problems, Tank.”
I nod. “OK. I’ll accept that but I’m telling you now: I’m here if you need to talk or if you need something. Just as I expect the XOs to call on me, I also expect you to call on me if you need something. You report to me also. Don’t leave me in the dark about your needs.”
We’re strolling now, taking our time walking along the sidewalk. I’m looking over at Mi Tierra. Great pastries. I’m wondering if Lula wants one.
“Now, as to my earlier statement, about the evidence not backing you up, here’s what I know. I’ve watched, for four years, as you’ve gotten into scrapes and situations I couldn’t even imagine. I thought I saw all the shit that could possibly happen while serving in the military, but you confounded us all. None of it ever convinced you to get some training or to take your life seriously. Have you ever checked the Bombshell folder?” She shakes her head. “We keep a list of your FTAs, their family members and friends in there, just as we do for ourselves, to ensure no one is coming after you. We watch out for and care about your life more than you appear to—”
“You can stop there, Tank,” she says coldly.
I decide to go for it. The sweet potato empanadas will keep Lula happy for days. “I’m going to the bakery. Want anything?”
“Bakery?” She perks up and follows me in. “This place smells like heaven.” I grab a number and tug her in the line with me. Mi Tierra is loud, as usual, but Steph’s checking out the display case.
“Tank?”
“Hmm?” I turn to her. Steph has a look that suggests . . . that Ranger should be here.
“They have five cases of pastries.”
I hide a grin. “Yes.”
She turns to me. “Five, Tank. Five! How am I supposed to choose?”
I shrug. “You’ll be here for nearly two weeks. Pace yourself.”
She continues to look while I take a quick pic of her face with my phone. Ranger will want to see that later. The bakery woman who is usually in charge is smiling at Steph.
“You know what you want?”
“Everything!” Steph replies enthusiastically. I poke her and she laughs.
“Go for it, Little Girl.”
“Oh, I intend to.” She starts ordering some of everything. I get some empanadas and pralines. The Sgt. thanks me for my commitment to his cause.
“This is the most decorated restaurant I’ve ever been in,” she shouts in my ear. True. The food at Mi Tierra is hit or miss (it’s considered one of the best in Texas, but I’ve had better at a few storefront restaurants), but no one can deny that Mi Tierra isn’t . . . decorated. A million Christmas lights, regardless of season, Christmas trees, piñatas everywhere, it’s one of the few places Lula and I can go where even Lula can’t make more noise than what’s around her.
I look at Steph. Lula and Steph together might manage it. I hide a grin at that thought.
Steph gets part of her treats boxed up and puts a few in a paper bag. I agree to hold the paper bag while she eats the ice cream. I take both of her boxes and we exit (Lula swears the man in the corner is real. I’m not so sure.) and we continue down San Saba to Milam Park.
“Honestly, Tank, it’s as if you’re telling me that no matter what I do, I’ll always be seen as the fuckup.”
“No, I’m not. I’m telling you that it will take time for us to believe that you’ve really made some changes.”
Especially Bobby and Les. Once burned, twice shy in their cases. They won’t be arguing her position or on her behalf any time soon. Shame. They were her biggest cheerleaders.
“The Trenton men? They’ve seen you make changes, so they had no problems waving you off to go where you wanted. They assume you’re making decisions, mindful of your training, to stay alive and unharmed. By the way, no one told them about the mall situation.”
She sighs in relief.
“Hector told us that, after the clearance, you were kicking ass and taking names. We had a small party when we heard that! On behalf of Lula and myself, thank you for giving Trenton PD hell!” She grins and I bump fists with her. “Then the mall. We didn’t get it. It seemed like a step backwards, so don’t expect us—me, Bobby, or Les—to simply forget that overnight, just as Ranger still has issues with Lula over the Slayers thing and that was how long ago?”
Her shoulders slump. “He’s still holding that against her?” she asks, amazed.
“He’s not holding that against her, per se. He found it hard not to want to say some incredibly mean and hurtful things to her for months after that. When he talks to her, he will make it clear that your life will always come first with him. He’ll want to know that her judgment is better.”
“And that she’s put the guns down,” Steph murmurs.
“Exactly. He wants to see evidence that Lula gets it. Same for me and, I’m telling you now so you can prepare, Les also intends to speak to you about that.”
“Why?”
“Aside from the fact that he’s working the op, Steph, he’s also Ranger’s cousin. Those two grew up as brothers. They are closer than close. Mr. Santos describes Les and Ranger as ‘two halves of one devious man’.”
Steph chokes on a spoonful of ice cream and I thump her back. She swallows hard. “That’s dangerous,” she says, frowning. “That should be illegal.”
“Right. Your actions scared Les senseless. He was afraid for Ranger.” I eye the man who has suddenly appeared from nowhere. He gets the point and sinks back into the shadows. “I’ll tell you something few people know, Steph.”
“What?”
“Do you know how Ranger ended up in juvie?” She shakes her head. “Then I’ll let Ranger tell you that story. What you need to know is this. At the sentencing Ranger finally told Les who betrayed him. Ranger was sentenced at the end of May. Before school started, the man who betrayed him was doing five years for cocaine possession.” Steph’s mouth drops. “Then Les found out this same man betrayed Hector.” Her eyes widen. “Les has no mercy for the bastard. He’s been fucking with that man twice a year since Ranger was sentenced. He’ll continue doing it until the day that man dies.”
I turn to Steph. She’s clearly stunned. “Ranger was 14 when he was sentenced and the only reprieve that poor bastard got was when we were overseas.”
“Oh my god . . .” she whispers.
I rub her hand. “If you ever betrayed Ranger or caused him to die due to your actions, I fear for what Les might do to you. Lester is the angel of vengeance out of the four of us, even more than Hector. Hector kills when it’s personal. Lester will fuck with someone just because. He doesn’t have to kill. The man who betrayed Ranger is the most paranoid, neurotic gang leader on the East Coast.”
I turn to her.
“In two months, Les has managed to get government agents loyal to the target to flip against him. He’s turned men that White has trained, some whose lives he’s saved, against him. He’s turned the investigation from ‘Is Mañoso behind this?’ to ‘Is White dirty?’ He has the gang leader, the other target in the investigation, thinking of turning on White. That’s Les’s power. He fucks with people’s heads.”
Steph’s barely breathing.
“And Les was furious about the offline to the mall thing. So you need to prepare for the discussion with him.”
“Right. Got it,” she says quietly.
“What I need to know is that you understand that your life matters. I need to know you take your life seriously. I need to know that the offline to the mall thing will never happen again.”
Steph’s POV
I’m standing on the sidewalk watching my ice cream melt.
What I need to know is that you understand that your life matters. I need to know you take your life seriously.
Even after everything I’ve done, the guys still don’t believe I take my life seriously. I really want to tell Tank to fuck off, but I’m in a new city and he’s feeding me ice cream. My willpower has taken a temporary vacation.
Besides, isn’t this what I told Pat in Miami? That I knew that my reputation wouldn’t change overnight, that it would take time for everyone to believe I’m armed and ready? Then the mall thing screwed it up again.
Tank has a right, I guess, to wonder if I really get it. It hurt when Ranger was mad at me, but Tank has just pointed out, calmly and coolly, that I not only disappointed the guys, but I lost the freedom I had after I left Miami.
It was sweet while it lasted. I’m going to get Hal for that.
RangeMen cannot read minds.
Well, I guess if I apply that logic, he’s right. I need to say something. Walk and talk? Or sit and talk? I guess walk and talk. It’s pretty out here, nice breeze, well lit, and everything is quiet now that we’ve walked into the park. I can still hear the music from Mi Tierra, even though we’re a block away.
“I understand, Tank.” I swallow. “When I watched Drew Stefanic die in my car, I realized that I was taking on Ranger’s and Hector’s enemies but what truly scared me was that they were taking on my enemies.”
“Wait, what? Tell me about that.”
“You didn’t hear?”
He shakes his head. “Hector only told us you had a takedown go bad, there was a death and you needed time away ASAP. I approved it immediately.”
“Oh.”
Tank smiles. “Your partner does not rat on you. Anything I learn about you and what’s going on is what I learn from you, Hal, or Lula. Mostly you or Lula.”
I groan. “Which means you know nothing at all.”
Tank laughs and, as always, his booming laugh makes me smile. A squirrel stops and stares at Tank before running away. Somehow, that makes it even funnier. “Glad to see you’re catching on.”
“You guys really didn’t know?”
Tank shakes his head. “We have enough going on between RMSA and the op. That’s why you’re the CO and Hal’s XO for Trenton. If you’d been injured, we would have been informed.”
“Ranger knew.”
“I expect Hector told him immediately so he could call and check on you, but Hec’s not a gossip, Steph. Hec operates on ‘Need to Know’ basis and Hec’s sense of ‘Need to Know’ is usually different from everyone else’s. Hal was ordered to maintain your privacy so we heard about what happened at the mall from Hec. Whatever happened with this skip was not RMSA or the op, so—”
“But it was related to me.”
“Hec’s orders were ‘nothing unless she’s injured or dead’. He’ll inform us of everything else. He’s trying to give you some privacy and space and not have everyone filing reports on everything that you do every day.”
I love my partner. I don’t deserve Hec. He’s awesome.
“You want Hal to tell us everything that happens to you?”
I cringe. Hell no. I tell Tank the story behind Drew Stefanic’s capture and he nods. “I see why you needed the time away.”
“Exactly. I mean, it was one thing for them to tell me I was getting their enemies, but I didn’t appreciate it until I thought about what they were getting. All my enemies are local.” I look over at Tank in alarm. “And that means that, as Ranger’s partner, they might even come after you.”
The corners of Tank’s mouth tip up in a grin. “I’d already considered that.”
“Holy hell . . . ” I eat another spoonful of melting ice cream and think. “I mean, it wasn’t until I was at the beach that I realized I really really need to take my safety more seriously. I mean, Ranger’s enemies are all overseas. I figured, well, what’s the chance of them getting through this country’s security to attack me?”
Tank’s overcome by a coughing fit. I lean over and pound his back but I’m sure he barely feels it. Tank’s face is turning red at an impressive rate. He takes a big breath, looks at me, and starts laughing his ass off.
The park feels too small to contain Tank’s booming laughs and I turn red in embarrassment.
“What? What did I say?”
Tank continues to laugh for a few minutes before turning to me. “Our country’s security is a joke, Little Girl. We’ll discuss how easily Ranger’s enemies could come after you another day. Keep going.”
I look around. All wildlife in the area has fled.
I frown. “Well, anyway, I discounted Ranger’s enemies but then I thought about Hec.” Tank sobers quickly. “All Hec’s enemies are local too. All of them are Jersey based, right?” Tank shakes his head. “No?”
“He was shot in Miami,” Tank points out. I groan mentally. Right.
“Right. So my enemies are local, his enemies are everywhere, and both of our enemies are deadly. Hector and I have deadly enemies and they’re mostly local.”
He nods.
“That was terrifying. I discounted Ranger’s enemies only to realize that Hector’s could also easily kill me but mine? Mine are the worst. They’re local and they’re creative.”
Tank chuckles.
“I was afraid for Ranger and Hector. They’re taking on the people who try to kill me for being me, and it was frightening.” I put the empty ice cream container in the trash and motion for my bag of treats. “I get it, Tank. I promise you that I do. I understand now. The offline to the mall thing was because I needed to get away from everyone and I really felt safe being back in Trenton.”
Tank raises his eyebrow in a look of extreme disbelief.
“Yeah, yeah, I know but Trenton is my home. I feel safe there. I grew up there, I know everyone, I’m not afraid of running around on my own there but . . .” I stop in the middle of the trail and stare. I don’t know how to explain it. “I guess I just felt safe.”
“Even after seeing how easily Thomas Mann snuck up on you at the Stop and Shop?” Tank asks softly.
Damn! “How many examples do you guys have?” I ask, completely exasperated.
Tank smiles. “Too many. That’s why we’re so serious about ensuring you understand that your life matters to us. You have a lot of enemies and they’re all local. I used to laugh and think to myself that you lived according to Helen Keller’s philosophy.” I attempt to raise an eyebrow and he shakes his head. Damn! I had the ability and lost it. “‘Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.’ Her words and they’re true.
Honestly, I believe in them myself. Security is an illusion. We are never safe anywhere at any time. We know that bad things happen all the time but we just figure they won’t happen to us.”
“Right . . . ” Conversations with RangeMen contain all kinds of traps. I’m looking for Tank’s.
Tank chuckles at the look of suspicion on my face. “The quote is true but she was talking about the danger that comes from not having done something you wanted to do for the sake of money or family or reputation. That kind of security. When I think of security as an illusion now, I think of the fact that although I own and run a security company, my company and my livelihood is always one disaster away from ruin.”
“What?”
“Well, it only takes one major catastrophe for this company to be brought to its knees. Bomb one of our buildings. Kill a bunch of our men.” He snorts. “Destroy our reputation in one city or area or product offering.”
We smile at each other. Tank motions for us to turn around. I guess we’re leaving. Good. I’m starting to feel chilled.
“We sell an illusion of safety and security to the public. We tell them that if they trust us, we can keep all the bad things away. And people do. They buy our services on the promise that we’ll make their lives safer and then we have to remain vigilant. We have to keep our eyes open to threats and hazards. We can’t slip. You sold an illusion of safety to Trenton.”
I look at him in confusion.
“Every BEA promises the community that individuals fleeing justice won’t get away for long. It doesn’t matter that it’s only a first time offender whose crime is shoplifting. If they’re a fugitive from justice, it was your job to haul them back into our justice system. Right?”
“Right.” I eat my praline and think about his words.
“So you also served the illusion of safety. People bought into your promises just as they bought into RangeMan’s. In the meantime, you live your life the way you want, according to your rules. So do I. So does Ranger, Bobby, Lester, and Hector. None of us compromise what we want, except where safety is concerned.
When a threat has been identified, when the threat is high, we each give in to the illusion. We institute higher controls on each other to ensure we’re accounted for. We each move with a partner in the belief that having someone with us, someone to watch our backs, will make us safer. Does it make us safer? Or does it give someone two targets to take out?”
I stop breathing at that thought.
“I don’t know. What I do know is this:”—Tank takes my hand in his—”I’ve been in this world’s most dangerous areas. I’ve been in places where people would kill me in a heartbeat. And every time I’ve been there, Ranger’s been with me. He’s had my back. I’ve had his. We move as a team, a unit, in the belief that if one of us falls, the other will be right there. It’s the N of the Ranger’s Creed.” Tank frowns. “Have you ever read the Ranger’s Creed?”
I shake my head.
“Well, the ‘N’ section goes: ‘Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred-percent and then some.’
That’s how we live our lives. I will never, as long as I have breath in my body, fail Ranger. I remain in the gym to stay physically strong because I know the day will come where my very strength and stamina will be taxed trying to keep my partners alive. I do what is necessary to ensure that I can carry out my portion of the task and never fail my brothers, even if that requires a solution that is less than legal.”
“Legally gray?” I smile and think about what Tank is saying. We’ve exited the park and are back on the street now. I head toward Mi Tierra but Tank shakes his head and motions for us to continue down the street.
“Exactly. I stay mentally alert to threats big and small. Not just those against me, but those against Lula, my family, my brothers, you, and everyone around me.” He smiles. I know I look overwhelmed. “Once a Ranger, always a Ranger. The training will never go away. I’ll never forget what I’ve been taught. I try my best, every day, to live up to the dictates of the oaths I’ve taken.”
“Do you always succeed?”
“Nope.” He sobers. “The Army NCO creed is also special to me. It was the second oath I took after I joined the Army and, in rereading it lately, I realized I haven’t kept its dictates.” He glances at me. “You have been the person to remind me of that.”
“Me?” Hm . . .
“Yes. Part of it says ‘All Soldiers are entitled to outstanding leadership; I will provide that leadership. I know my Soldiers and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my Soldiers and never leave them uninformed. I will be fair and impartial when recommending both rewards and punishment.'”
Tank snorts in amusement. “I’m the only NCO in the Leadership. Ranger, Les and Bobby were officers. We tend to treat the Ranger Creed, the Soldier’s creed and the Warrior’s Ethos as our operating manual, so to speak, because we all share it in common. The NCO Creed is special to me alone and in rereading it lately, I’m reminded that my job is to care for the men. Not just the ones I spend the most time around, but also the ones who irritate the shit out of me.”
I start laughing at the disgruntled look on Tank’s face.
“Mark, Tony, Mando, Javi, I see them as examples of my failure to lead.” I sober at Tank’s words. “I see a lot of what has happened in this company as examples of my failure to lead and having you in the company, pointing things out neutrally, has reminded me that I need to return to the NCO Creed, the one I alone pledged myself to, and get back out there and meet my men. Talk with them. Support them—”
“Be less scary?” I smile and pack Tank’s pillowcase away. Not only has he seen where he failed, he’s committed to correcting it. I get the feeling I won’t be unpacking pillowcases on BLT at all.
The corners of Tank’s mouth tip up. “Slightly less scary. I need the men to see me as a trusted figure. But that creed also means I have a duty to you.”
“Me?” I’m confused.
“Yes, you too.” He squeezes my hand gently. “We are linked by friendship, by this company and possibly more in the future. You have a right to know that I have your back in any situation and that you can do what you need to knowing you have my support.”
“I do feel that way, Tank,” I tell him softly. “You’re a great boss to work for. I like bouncing things off you.”
“Because I don’t argue?”
“That helps.” I grin and Tank shakes his head, laughing silently.
“I also need to know I’m meeting your needs, Steph. The mall thing? I wish you’d told me you needed time away from everyone. I would have made that happen for you sooner and, as it is, I feel that I failed you.”
I stop and stare at Tank, shocked. “Why?”
“Because you needed time away and I had no idea. Granted, you didn’t tell me, but perhaps I should have asked. Perhaps if I had asked if everything was OK personally, you might have said something.”
“But how could you ask? How could you even know!” I sit on a bench and stare at Tank.
Tank sits next to me. “I didn’t know but I’ve made it a point. I’ll ask that at least once a month. Mando got burnt out in Miami. Javi was getting burned out. You got burned out. Perhaps I need to ask these things. Sit down and think of a list of personal questions I need to ask my men”—he squeezes my hand—”and my CO every month or every quarter.”
Wow . . . Tank’s really taken the mall thing hard but he’s also learned some lessons from it. I’ve also learned some lessons here. “Right. If I need a vacation, I need to tell my boss.”
“Right. Especially since you’re pushing a new vacation policy.”
That almost sounded as if Tank was teasing but I moan and slap my forehead. Tank gently removes my hand, a tiny smile on his lips.
“Let me know. I’ll try to make things happen for you. I always have when I’ve been informed but I’m no mind reader, especially not over the phone. Don’t expect me to guess and please don’t hint. Lula will be the first to tell you I can’t take a hint.” I laugh. He takes my hand. “I want you to know we want to make your position permanent. If we do, you’ll report to me permanently, not Ranger.”
“Really?” I always thought I’d report to Ranger. CO reporting to the CCO. That makes sense.
He nods. “No conflict of interest between the two of you. You need someone neutral to report to. That’s me.”
“Oh.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“Well…” I’m trying to think of what to say. “I guess I thought I’d report to Ranger, but I see what you mean.”
“Do you?”
I keep thinking. “No, not really.”
Tank nods. “Thought not. Here’s the deal. If Ranger is your boss in your professional life, where’s the separation between your work life and your personal lives?”
Ooohhh … good question.
“You work for RangeMan, where Ranger is the CEO and has higher authority than you. Then you’re off the clock and trying to be equal partners in your personal lives?”
Tank and I look at each other and start laughing.
“You’ve really thought about that, huh?” I ask. Tank’s right. I couldn’t deal with Ranger thinking he’s my boss 24-7.
“I want the two of you to be happy. I’d prefer that you were happy together but I’ll take what I can get.” I punch Tank’s arm again and he grins. I wring my hand; Tank’s still solid muscle. “So I’m willing to be the referee in at least one area of your lives. Ranger can’t push me around as far as the company, so that gives you some freedom. How you two work out your personal lives? I can’t help there.”
“Thanks,” I reply softly.
Tank’s right; that’s been a fear I’ve had about being in a relationship with Ranger and working for RangeMan. He’d practically own my entire life. Knowing that Tank is a buffer at work helps. I can negotiate our personal lives.
I finish the empanadas (man, those were great!) and trash the wax paper. We turn back toward the truck and walk silently for a few minutes.
This talk with Tank has been good. He’s right to point out that I should have said something. I should have told him I needed time away. He didn’t know and, when he was told, he always covered for me.
I didn’t realize how well Hal got me on the offline thing either. Nothing about the definition changed. Tank’s right there too. When I returned to Trenton and said, ‘Hey, I’m going to go to Harry’s’ or ‘Hey, I’m going to go see Typhoid Joyce’, the guys didn’t blink. They asked me if I needed someone to go with me and that was it. Even after I passed standards, I’d scoot off in my new car to see Lula or ML and no one said a word. Now I have a permanent guard again.
“Tank?”
“Hmm?” He turns to me.
“Any chance of lifting the guard in Trenton?”
Tank stares at me for a while before he nods. “You’ll dictate your security again everywhere.” I stop and do a little dance. Tank smiles and shakes his head. “In return, you will not serve Hal or anyone else retribution.”
Damn! “Aw, come on,” I whine.
“No chance, Little Girl. He played you and you agreed. No getting him back for that.”
“Fine. Thanks, Big Guy.”
“No problem.”
I spy a bench, sit down and take a deep breath. “I don’t know what to tell you to convince you that I do take my life seriously now. I’m used to doing my own thing and not having to answer to anyone. Having a partner all the time feels confining and wrong, but I love Hector and I’ve come to appreciate the fact that someone has my back.”
Tank nods and sits next to me. There’s just enough room for the two of us.
“Having tracking devices and no privacy drives me nuts. But it’s the price of a relationship with Ranger. He told me that before he left on this mission, that loaded guns, tracking devices, stuff like that would be a part of my life with him. I didn’t get it. I thought that would be a sometimes thing but I do get it now.
Having to live the way he lives, I understand now. This is his life. When Hector was shot, I was terrified and I finally understood how you guys feel every time I’m shot.” Tank smiles and nods slightly. “I didn’t understand the importance of the trackers until I was kidnapped. I mean, I got away and the friendly neighborhood gang leader was right there to pick me up”—again, Tank’s booming laughs feel too big for the sidewalk—”but the fact that Hector knew exactly where I was and would have been able to find me helped me realize how important it was to have someone silently looking for me. I mean, Con Stiva stuffed me in that cabinet and I had to wait hours for you and Hal and Ranger to find me. If I’d had a tracker then, you would have had me in minutes.”
“Don’t think we didn’t think about it,” Tank mutters.
I smile. “Thanks for not doing it.”
“And miss out on watching Bob take that massive shit on Stiva’s front lawn?”
We look at each other and start laughing again.
“Yeah.” Tank shakes his head. “I know you said that Ranger calling you entertainment hurt, and I understand why—”
“Do you, Tank? Do you really?” I look at him, all smiles gone. “All my life, I’ve been called a screwup, a disaster, incompetent, incapable, difficult or something along those lines. Joyce made my life a misery for years, my mother only gave a damn about whether or not I had a man, my husband cheated on me and my long-term boyfriend was just waiting on me to ‘grow up’ so he could lock me in his house to start making babies for him.
My life wasn’t my own. My life was just another way for someone else to get what they wanted. Joyce needed someone to kick in the ass to make herself feel better. Dickie needed someone who looked good to be on his arm when he launched his political career. My mother needed me married so she looked like the ‘Mother of the Year’ in the Burg. And Joe? Joe wanted me to repair his rep.”
I breathe deep. “Connie finally told me that his godfather, Sunny Sunnuchi?” Tank nods. “Sunny has been waiting for Joe to ‘repair my good name’, since he ruined it by writing poems all over Trenton. So OK, maybe Joe wanted me for me but his godfather the Mob Boss was also applying pressure on his end.”
“Fuck,” he says softly.
“Exactly! Then I meet Ranger, someone who really gets me. Someone who understands that I want to do things my way and he doesn’t constantly tell me that I’m a screwup or that I’m wrong. He just helps me when I need it and it’s a change from being told I’m wrong or stupid all the time. OK, I know I don’t always make the best decisions but I’m trying, Tank. I try and when he told me the guys saw me as entertainment, that hurt.”
“Steph, I . . .” Tank looks at a loss for words. I shake my head.
“Don’t. Thankfully, Ram explained and that doesn’t hurt so much anymore, but I think the word ‘entertainment’ will always hurt me just a little.”
“Understood.”
“And I don’t think you guys really get that sometimes.” Tank raises an eyebrow. “I’m not a mercenary. I wasn’t in a gang or in the military. I don’t think like you. I see where that’s going to be a problem sometimes but I need all of you to cut me some slack. The mall? Yes, the mall was stupid but I’ve already explained my thinking there. I’ll make sure you know when I need time away so I don’t go nuts.”
Tank is solemn and we get up and start walking back to the truck. Finally he says, “Thank you. That will make life easier. In return, this is the last conversation you’ll have to have about the mall. I’ll make everyone back off.”
I whirl around and throw myself at Tank. He catches me, wide-eyed. “Thank you! I never want to discuss the mall again!”
He laughs. “You’re welcome.” He squeezes me gently and sets me back on the sidewalk. We keep walking to the truck, smiles on our faces.
“Anyway, it’s just . . . ” I search for the right word. “Whenever I’ve known that Ranger was in danger, I’ve put myself in danger to save him. Scrog? The Ramoses? For God’s sake, Tank, I stalked gun runners for Ranger!”
He nods, sobered.
“Nothing means more to me than his life! Nothing means more to me than Hector’s life. I get it. I do. It’s just . . . I’m tired of always feeling like I’m in the wrong for doing what comes naturally to me.”
“Hmm … ” Tank says. Nothing more.
“Anyway, what I want to know is this: how much freedom will I have when this op is over?”
Tank shrugs. “Can’t answer that.” His phone beeps. He grins and types a quick message back.
“Why?”
“Because there’s the official end of the op and the unofficial end of the op.”
I’m confused. “What’s the difference?”
“The official end is when everything is handed over and he comes home. The unofficial end is when we deem it safe to move back to DEFCON4 or 5.” I try to raise an eyebrow. Tank shakes his head and smiles. “We’ll spend a few months on heightened alert for someone trying to take revenge. We’ll watch the trials carefully and watch for family members and friends of those on trial, to ensure that they don’t attempt to move against us.”
We’re back at the truck. We both climb in (well, I climb in. Tank barely has to move) and Tank starts the truck and heads back to my hotel.
“So, years?”
“Possibly. Just know that we’ve always done that. Some of your first skips have family we’re still watching. We still keep an eye on Jimmy Alpha’s family.”
My mouth drops. “Why?”
“Jimmy supported nearly all of his family with his work with Ramirez. That made his name and he had nephews he was very close to who were extremely mad when he was killed.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I’m steamed yet again.
Tank shrugs. “Honestly, it’s not that we didn’t want to tell you. It was more, we never thought about Jimmy Alpha again until Abruzzi popped up. After Abruzzi died, that’s when we instituted the ‘Bombshell folder’ and started investigating the backgrounds of every skip you ever went after. That’s when we made sure to watch everyone.”
“And no one told me?!”
Tank sighs. “Steph, do you really have to be told to watch for enemies?”
“Well . . . I. . .” I have no way to answer that that doesn’t make me sound like an idiot. “It would be helpful to know that you guys were watching them. No one told me you were watching them!”
“What do you think the Bombshell folder is?” I cringe and Tank is looking at me as if he pities me. “I don’t know how to say this except very bluntly. If you have to be told that perhaps it’s a good idea to watch your back for disgruntled friends, family, and business associates of men you’ve killed or hauled back into the system, you are incredibly naïve.”
My jaw is simply hanging at Tank. He uses his thumb to gently close my mouth and turns left.
“You are in a dangerous field. You are a very visible person and you’ve made enemies. You need to be extremely careful and consider who could possibly come after you. You need to consider who could use your family or friends as leverage against you. You just thought you’d put these people in jail and they’d never come back again?”
“Yes! My skips . . .” I trail off, thinking.
“Please don’t tell me you were going to finish that sentence with ‘aren’t dangerous’,” Tank says. “Not after you just told me your skips are deadly and creative.”
“Oh man . . .”
“Exactly.”
I glance at Tank and he’s smiling. We both start laughing. It’s great. We’ve both laughed a lot tonight. Granted, a lot of it was at me but hey, he’s right. I get by with Jersey attitude and mascara.
“Your naiveté is dangerous,” Tank says, sobering. “It’s not that we want to change you, Steph. We don’t. We still want you to be you and see the good in all people. We don’t want that to change. We just want you to be alert to threats. That’s all we’ve ever wanted. Not just for your own sake, but—”
“For Ranger . . . and Hector too.”
“Right.” Tank pulls up outside the hotel we’re staying at in San Antonio. He cuts the truck off and we sit for a moment.
“You will always be a special and important person to me. Not just because of Ranger but because of you,” he says, smiling. “I’m happy you two are going to try. I am. But I don’t want my partner to die. I choose to believe that you intend to take his life, and your own, seriously. This talk has convinced me you do.”
“Thank you.” I feel ten tons of pressure lift off me. The last thing I want to do is drive a wedge between Tank and Ranger.
“If you need something, talk to me. I’ll try my best to make it happen. I just need you to understand this, if nothing else, Stephanie.”
I stop gazing out of the windshield to stare at Tank. He’s solemn now and is staring directly in my eyes. This is gonna be big.
“Security is an illusion but so is freedom. No man is free because freedom, like security, always comes with a price. Need an example?”
I nod slowly.
“Thomas Mann is free right now. Who paid the price for his freedom?”
The burning SUV pops into my head and I shudder and grimace. Poor Drew.
“Thinking of Drew?”
“Yeah,” I whisper.
Tank nods. “I thought so. Add the following people to your list.” I look over. Tank is sober and serious. “You paid the price with your leg. Les paid the price with his Beemer. Lula nearly lost her freedom. Drew paid the price with his life. It happened in front of Nancy and Sue, right?” I nod. “You think they’ll ever forget what they saw? Will you? Will Zip and Binkie?”
I feel my throat tighten as I shake my head.
“Drew wasn’t the only person to pay the price. He’s just been the only person, so far, to pay the ultimate price. Whenever something happens, one person is never the only one affected. There are always others who will be affected.”
Tank opens the door and escorts me to my hotel room, which is good because my legs are shaky. I wave him out, send a text to Lula that her man is headed home and get in the shower, thinking about our conversation tonight.
Freedom, like security, always comes with a price.
I cut the water and reach for the towels. I’m quickly handed one.
Handed one?
“Had a good chat with Tank, Babe?”
A/N: I know that today is the last day to shop for gifts, so everyone, please remember to be careful! Let’s all go home safe and sound to our loved ones. I’ve posted a response to the reviews of Chapter 98 on my blog. Please feel free to review. Finally, can I just say, as the author, that reading the reviews and KNOWING what’s coming up sometimes literally kills me? Merry Christmas!
