Home is Where the Horror is
Armando‘s POV
“Is it wrong of me not to be excited about going to Miami for Thanksgiving?” Mari murmurs.
Nope. I don’t particularly want to be there either, but I’m going for my siblings. It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving and we’re in the Charlotte airport, one of the most confusing airports I’ve ever seen, boarding our plane.
“Well, technically we’re spending Thanksgiving with your family. My family is getting Black Friday.”
Mari sighs and smiles. “I know. First time in . . .” She looks at me. “Have we ever spent a holiday with my family?”
I shake my head. “Nope. We always hosted the holidays for my family.” I smile at her. “First time ever that you don’t have to cook, no one is in our house, and we get to come and go as we please.”
She smiles. “Sounds like heaven.”
I nod. “I want to do this more. Less time with my family, more time with your family. More time with my father’s family.” I put the carry-on down for a moment to ensure I have all three tickets ready. “Seeing Lucia this past summer reminded me that I haven’t seen Dad’s side of the family in years.”
Mari shifts Elena to her other hip. “Yes, it was good to see her, and working on the RangeWoman support group has given me more chances to talk to her. It would be good for our children to all know all sides of the family.” She points at the carry-on. Her Kindle is sticking out. I shove it back in and pick up the carry-on. “I agree. Let’s start spacing out our holidays.”
We smile at each other, probably thinking the same thing: Let‘s start spacing out the pain.
The gate agent calls our zone and we shuffle forward. This is also the first time we’ve ever taken the girls on a plane, so I popped for three business seats so we have room. We’re taking the first flight out, so the girls are still sleepy, more quietly curious than anything else.
I can already see anxious passengers groaning at the sight of my girls. Hey! Become a parent, asshole! They have just as much right to be on this plane as you do. Elena is looking around at everything in this airport and Mari has her bag. I hold Alyssa’s hand tightly and tug her forward.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, chiquita?”
“We’re going to see Abuela Von?” Abuela Yvonne was a run on and it’s cute.
“Yes, we’re going to Abuela Yvonne’s this year. Are you excited?”
She jumps up and down happily, a big grin on her face. “Abuela Von makes the best cookies and she always smells nice and she’s smiley.”
I laugh. “I’m glad you’re looking forward to it.”
That starts a full list of things she’s grateful for. Mari’s determined never to move back to Miami. The homeschooling crowd in Charlotte is big and supportive and Mari’s looking into the state requirements for her to homeschool. She’s also started our little angel on some simple things and signed her up for ballet, futból, and karate. The girls are getting their mother’s full attention and it shows.
Alyssa has calmed down and stopped acting out for our attention. Elena giggles, laughs and talks much more now. I make it a point to be home every night and nothing short of DEFCON 2 gets me in the office on Sundays. Mari’s much happier and the constant feeling of resentment that I felt from her has disappeared. We’ve agreed to leave the Miami problems we had in Miami. We’re committed. My entire family is healing.
And all I did was kick my mother out of my house and commit to put my family first.
Alyssa demands the window seat, but we put her in the middle with a promise that she can sit on her Mommy’s lap and look out of the window. The plane boards and takes off and Elena’s a champ. She sucks on her safety pop and doesn’t cry at all. I can hear the collective exhale of every passenger around us.
Alyssa loves flying. She stares out of the window the entire time. The flight attendants give her flight wings for being such an enthusiastic flyer and she eats her snacks happily.
“Daddy, do you get to fly all the time?” she asks as we deplane.
“I fly enough, Lyss.” I wish I had your enthusiasm for it, baby girl.
“I’d love to fly.” She sticks her arms out and makes flying noises as if she’s a plane. Mari pulls her back from an unsuspecting tourist and I give them an apologetic smile. Alyssa is scolded quietly and reminded not to play in the airport. Wait until we leave it. She pouts but agrees. Mari takes my hand and smiles.
“I’d love to see you fly, Lyss. I think you’d be a great pilot. Tell you what.”
“What Daddy?” Alyssa looks intrigued.
“How about the next time you talk to Uncle Mark, you ask him to take you up in a plane? Uncle Mark is a pilot.”
“Really?” Her eyes widen.
I nod. “I served in the military with Uncle Mark. He’s the best pilot I know. Ask nicely and he might take you flying.”
“I’ll ask really nicely!” She jumps up and down in excitement and makes flying noises again.
I laugh silently. Mari pokes me. “You know she has Mark wrapped around her little finger.”
“I know.” If one of us has to disappoint Lyss, better Mark than me. I turn to Mari. “Three guesses on where he’s spending Thanksgiving.”
Her mouth drops. “No!”
“Yes.” I grin. “Hector is not happy. Manny is thrilled. Mark’s learning all about Pokemon. Nikki’s teasing him on his cooking ability. He promised to make stuffing.”
Mari laughs and I guide my family to baggage claim.
—oOo—
We spend some time in Tampa, just us, before going to Mari’s parents’ house. We hit Ybor City for lunch. I grab a few boxes of cigars and arrange to have a few more shipped to RM-Charlotte. We head to the Manatee Viewing Center and watch the manatees (whew! Talk about ugly.) and Alyssa and Elena both get a chance to touch them.
“They’re wet, Daddy,” Alyssa says. “But they’re not slimy. I expected them to be slimy.” She keeps patting the manatee and it rolls over and allows her to pat his belly. She giggles and enjoys that. Mari and I smile.
We pack the girls into the car, check into the hotel, and take quick showers before heading to Mari’s parents’ house. I take a box of cigars with me, Mr. Ruiz’s favorites, as a gift and an apology for not bringing his daughter and granddaughters to see him more often.
We arrive to hugs and laughter. Just about everyone coos over Mari’s pregnant belly and remarks on how beautiful she looks. Alyssa meets her new cousins and tentatively joins in their games, but within an hour she’s playing as if she’s known them all her life. Meanwhile, Elena is the celebrated child. She’s hugged, kissed, has her cheeks pinched, and is teased until she starts crying. They try to pass her off to Mari but Leni whines for me, so I take her outside to calm down.
“Too many new people?” I whisper.
“Yes.” She sniffs and clings to me. I pat her back.
“Armando.”
I turn. Mari’s father. “Sir.”
We shake and he nods at Elena. “Good to see you here.”
“Yes, sir. Glad to be here.” I hand him the box of cigars. “Your favorites still, I hope?”
“They are.” He beams. “And thank you for giving these to me when the wife isn’t watching.”
I laugh. “Hide them quickly, sir. Mari might still tell her mother.”
He dashes into the house and returns with a big smile. “I hear you’ve made some changes in your life.”
I smile. Subtle. “Yes, sir. Mari and I are switching out holidays for a while.”
He nods. “Good. It’ll be good to have you around our table more often. You’ve been missed.”
I feel my father’s hand clap my back. I look around for a moment before remembering, but the feeling brings a smile to my face. Mr. Ruiz smiles. “He’ll never leave you, Mando,” he says quietly. I nod, my throat tight. “In the meantime, you do have another father.” He smiles. “You are missed, son.”
“Yes, sir.” I clear my throat. “Thank you and it’s good to be here.”
He nods. “Are you coming back for Christmas? We usually go to Puerto Rico for that.”
I shift Elena. “I’m not sure. I have a new branch and I’m not sure what my lieutenants have planned.” I smile sadly. “Usually, senior leadership volunteers to work so the men can have that time with their families. Our thank you for their constant support and support of the company’s goals throughout the year.”
He nods solemnly. “Good. Well, perhaps we should make a change this year. You have room to host myself and my wife?”
“We do. We’re currently renting a house in Charlotte. Plenty of room.” I consider this. “Mari’s due date is in March. We haven’t begun work on the nursery. It would be nice to have yourself and Mrs. Ruiz in our home to help decorate.”
“Sounds good.” He looks at Leni, who is staring at him. “Besides, I have two very pretty little granddaughters. Time to spoil them.” He grins at me. “That’s my job and I hear I’m about to have another grandson.”
I can’t help the smile. “You are.”
“Good job.”
I laugh. “I try.”
He motions for Leni and, after a moment of whining to ensure I won’t go anywhere, she consents to be held by someone new. Mr. Ruiz bounces her a little and she giggles and starts talking to him– well, babbling at him. Mari understands 20-month-old speech. I’m not as good. I understand when she’s talking to me.
Mr. Ruiz smiles and pats my shoulder. “Good to have you back in the family, son.”
—oOo—
I catch Mari’s eyes halfway through dinner and nod. We’ll never spend Thanksgiving with my family again. This is wonderful.
Mr. Ruiz carves the bird expertly and we have the traditional sides, with a few extras, like mofongo. I remember Mrs. Ruiz’s mofongo as one of the best I ever had and the memory is not wrong. It’s excellent and I’m stuffed.
The entire atmosphere is different. We go around the table and everyone tells us what they are thankful for and whatever good news they have to share. We get updates on job promotions, new jobs, and certifications. Sebastian, Mari’s younger brother, gained another belt in Tae Kwon Do and has started looking into MMA. Mrs. Ruiz is considering catering on the side and Mr. Ruiz has only a few more years before retirement.
“Well, I’m thankful to be with family this year,” Mari says, smiling happily. “And I’m not cooking! I get to eat Mamí‘s excellent cooking this year!”
Everyone claps and smiles.
“You’ve been missed, sis,” Sebastian says.
“Yes,” Mrs. Ruiz says. “I hope this is the start of a happy new trend.”
Mari looks at me, but I smile and immediately answer, “It is.” I look back to the kitchen, where the ‘children’s’ table is situated. Alyssa is having a great time with her cousins and the teenagers are watching out for her, making sure she feels welcome too. Elena is half asleep, but she has a smile on her face. “Our children should know both sides of the family.”
Everyone smiles and passes the dishes around. I refill Mari’s glass and steal some mofongo. I’m kicked under the table and Mari moves her plate, rolling her eyes at me. My wife is a trooper; she reaches for the plate of mofongo and hands it to me.
“So, Mando, what are you thankful for this year?”
I look around the table, think hard, and look in my beautiful wife’s eyes. “Second chances.” Mari grasps my hand and squeezes and I lift it and kiss the back of her hand. I smile at the table. “In every area of my life.”
—oOo—
I join my brother-in-law and Mari’s relatives in the den, where we watch football. Florida is losing this year and everyone rags me about it, but I cheer for my alma mater anyway.
FSU wipes the ground with us. It’s embarrassing. It’s made palatable by the fact that USF, the local university, is defeated by UCF. We’re all sitting around the den annoyed and dead tired.
My phone beeps.
I see the swamp was chopped down by a few Indians.
I check my phone for the score. No wonder.
I still don‘t know what a Buckeye is.
LOL. It‘s a winner.
FU. How‘s Hector?
Ouch. Asshole.
I grin. So …?
Nikki told him to be nice.
Which means?
He only spent 50% of his time glaring at me.
I can’t help it. I laugh out loud and draw everyone’s attention. I shake my head. “Sorry.”
Mari looks down at me. She’s in the chair and I’m sitting at her feet. “What happened?”
“Hector’s only glaring 50% of the time.”
Mari laughs. “Mark will never catch a break with Hector.”
“Nope. Never.”
My phone beeps again.
Undefeated yet again this year!
Emory doesn‘t have a team, Danny.
Easiest way to win.
“Emory is yet again undefeated,” I tell Mari.
“Emory doesn’t a team,” her brother says.
I laugh. “And for the general manager in Atlanta, that’s hell,” I reply. “His family went through Georgia Tech. His wife’s family went through UGA.”
“‘Clean Old-Fashioned Hate’,” Mari’s uncle says, amused.
“Hmm?”
“The name of that rivalry,” he explains.
“Oh. Well, for Danny, it’s not safe for him to root for anyone.”
“Poor man.”
Mari leans over. “I have ten dollars on Hal next.”
My phone beeps. “Pay up.”
Mari leans over to read the message. “Tell Diego that no one cares about UCF in this house.”
We get a chorus of boos. I type the message back and wait. Mrs. Ruiz hands me a soda and I smile my thanks.
37-7? Damn ‘Noles. I’ll hoist a bag of Tostitos in shame.
I check. Damn! UCF is playing for the national title on New Year’s Day. No wonder he’s smug.
FU.
You went to FL. Sore loser. 😀
“OK, Hal should be next,” Mari says. My in-laws are all looking over in amusement. Mr. Ruiz has muted the TV and we’re all waiting to see how everyone else responds. She looks up. “The general managers are a tight group and they’re hilarious.”
Would you really miss Diego if he disappeared?
Everyone laughs and cheers. The consensus is that Diego will not be missed.
Kansas lost?
To KSU. We‘re serious about our fb round here. My family liked Candy until she said she was rooting for UCF.
Ouch!
Had to remind them she‘s a FL native.
I laugh. Mark‘s smug. Ohio won.
I got his text. I told Hector Mark was trying to learn to program.
Is that true?
Who cares? Hector should be ready 2 slice N dice now.
I bury my face between Mari’s knees and laugh. Mari takes my phone, reads the messages and giggles. “Oh no. Hal’s trying to get Mark killed.” She laughs. “Who’s left? Javi?”
“Javi went to NYU. They dropped football in the 50s.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. His message will look like Danny’s.”
Undefeated! NYU rules!
I shake my head. Get a team.
You kidding me? No football, no futbol, we‘re bored here. We’re talking about Weiner’s wiener.
LMAO. NYC is a different beast.
Well, it‘s either that, rent control, traffic, or a bet on which WalMart will see a death tomorrow.
Good point.
I sit back with a smile. Hilarious. My coworkers are great. My phone beeps.
Tank.
Awkward: Tulane grad cheering in a house full of UL-Lafayette grads . . . in Lafayette. Pray 4 me.
Hal: No 1 wants 2 hear about Tulane, sir.
Tank: Sore loser, Hal.
Mark: I agree. Get w/the program, Hal.
Hal: I‘m txting Hector.
Mark: Please don‘t. I found out Hector learned 2 fence NJIT.
Tank: LMAO
Hal: LMAO
Danny: LMAO
Javi: LMAO-RUN!
Me: Epitaph?
Mark: “He tried.”
Diego: Dude, sit down, shut up, N keep an I on his blades!
I’m rolling on the floor laughing. I’m calling Mark tonight. Mari explains the significance of Hector knowing how to fence and the rest of her family cracks up.
It’s the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.
Hands down. Bar none.
-oOo-
We load up the rental and drive over to Miami the next morning. I pull up outside Bella’s and she and Jesús come running out, looking relieved.
“Mando!”
My sister catches me in a tight hug that has me wondering what’s wrong. “Bella. Good to see you.” I nod at Jesús. “Sup, funnyman?”
He grins. “Good to see you, Mando. You lost weight. Not stress eating?”
I look for the girls. They’re on the other side of the car hugging Bella, so I turn and flip Jesús a finger. “Not stressing. At all.” I look at him. “”You look like you could use a gym. Get George Lopez’s contracts, not his gut.”
He laughs and we embrace. “Thanks, asshole. You staying?”
“We have a hotel room.” He nods and we follow Mari and Bella inside.
It’s a madhouse.
The nietos all come running to hug Alyssa and they all immediately run outside to play. Meanwhile, WWIII is taking place in the kitchen.
“I don’t care that you would do it like this, Connie! This is my dish. I’ll make it the way I want,” Lacey yells.
My mother is at the stove trying to ‘teach’ Lacey how to make turkey tetrazzini. Mari used to make that dish every year, the same way, and it was always outstanding. And every year my mother stood there and offered her criticisms.
Not enough salt.
Not enough turkey.
Too salty.
Not enough noodles.
And the list goes on. I guess that along with inheriting the dish Lacey inherited the criticism.
“Well, I was merely trying to offer some assistance-“
“No, you weren’t,” Lacey says, cutting my mother off. She’s furious. “”You’re trying to tell me what to do. I don’t need your help and I don’t want your help, so go sit down. No one wants you in this kitchen. I manage to feed your son and grandchildren every day. I know how to cook.”
“Well, I think-“
“I don’t care.” That’s said coldly.
Mother stands in shock then turns to Ernesto. Before she can say anything, Ernesto says, “My wife is making the dish. She’ll make it the way she wants. It would be helpful if you didn’t say anything. If you think it’s badly made, don’t eat it.”
“Hello,” Mari says, hiding her smile. All heads swing our way. “Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Thanksgiving was yesterday.” My mother sniffs. “And not a single person in this family celebrated.”
“Really?” I look around at my siblings, who are all hiding smiles except Josefina. “We celebrated.”
“Really? Where?”
“In Tampa with my family,” Mari answers. “It was the first time in years they’d seen Alyssa and the first time most of them had ever seen Elena.” She shifts Elena on her hip and smiles.
Everyone’s quiet. Lacey steps forward and hugs Mari. “I’m with ya’ there, girl. We went to my family’s house.” She grins. “Had a great time and I didn’t have to cook a thing!” She tickles Elena under her chin and Elena reaches for her. Lacey kisses her cheeks and takes her, balancing her on her hip.
Mari laughs. “I know! It was wonderful.”
The women congregate in the kitchen and it quickly becomes clear that no one except Josefina spent Thanksgiving with Mamí. Bella and Jesús had a romantic dinner out, trying to repair their relationship. Drew and Bianca spent Thanksgiving with his parents at the assisted living place they’re living in. Ernesto and Lacey spent the day at Lacey’s family’s home, and Mateo and Pia hosted Thanksgiving for the very first time for her family.
Josefina had Chinese and spent time on eHarmony looking for a new boyfriend.
“I was so nervous!” Pia says, laughing. “I’d never cooked a whole turkey before, but Mateo and I had it down! Everyone complimented it, but you should have seen us wrestling with it trying to brine it!”
“How’d it go?” Josefina asks.
“They raved!” Pia beams. “My turkey got so many compliments! We usually switch off hosting in my family and I agreed this year because I was the only sibling left who hadn’t. I’m happy it went well.” She laughs. “I had something of a reputation in the family for not knowing how to cook.””
I wait to hear how Mamí will respond to that. I’m not disappointed.
“Really? I can hardly understand why.” She smiles. “You make an excellent ham sandwich. It’s your culinary crowning achievement.”
Everyone is quiet. Mateo starts laughing.
“That’s true. Pia elevates a ham sandwich from brown-bag fare to cuisine.” Everyone smiles and Mateo smiles at his wife. “Grey Poupon? Gruyere? It’s less ham sandwich and more croque . . . what’s it called?”
“Croque-monsieur,” Mari says. She turns to Pia. “That’s true. I’d eat your ham sandwiches anytime.”
Mother stares while everyone hides a smile.
I see. Everyone’s learned to either ignore her or attack back. I’m proud. I motion for Elena, who is going to sleep. Mari passes her over and I drape a towel over my shoulder and take my baby girl. Bella whispers that if she goes to sleep I can put her in the activity pen upstairs in her bedroom. Lucas and Christian, my nephews, are also asleep up there.
“You know, instead of making tetrazzini out of that bird, any chance we can get a few turkey Croque-monsieurs?” Drew asks. “Something nice and light?”
“Yes!” Lacey yells, turning her saucepan off. She turns to Pia. “I think that’s a great idea.”
Pia beams. “OK! I’ll make enough for the children too.” She looks at her turkey. “That should use up every bit of that turkey.”
“Not that your family left much,” Ernesto points out. “I can believe that turkey was popular.”
The ladies switch gears and start making sandwiches while Pia starts on a sauce. Half an hour later we’re all chowing down on turkey croque-monsieurs and chips.
“Auntie P, this is the best sandwich ever!” Juan says. Ernesto gives his son a big thumbs-up.
“What did you put in the brine? It’s so tasty,” Mari says, moaning a little.
“I looked at a bunch of different brine recipes,” Pia answers. They start talking brining vs. salting vs. something called spatchcocking. I don’t care. Juan is right; this bird is very tasty. Alyssa is really enjoying her sandwich.
“Mommy, can we have these at home?” she asks.
“This is a special occasion sort of meal,” Mari answers. “Just remember to thank your Tía for the meat.”
“Thank you, Tía Pia!” the children chorus, and we all smile.
“Well, perhaps it’s just my sandwich, but mine’s a little salty.” Mamí looks under the top slice of bread. “I don’t think a cheese sauce on top of a salty bird was a good idea.” She replaces the bread and sits back, looking superior. “We should think about our salt and fat intake over the holidays. After all, my late husband died of a heart attack. I’d prefer all my children stay healthy.”
Pia takes two deep breaths, stands and takes Mamí’s plate. I hear a thud and Pia returns to the dining room and sits.
“Where’s my sandwich?” Mamí asks, confused.
“In the trash,” Pia replies calmly. “I’d hate for the extra salt to give you hypertension, so I decided to take care of the problem.” She takes another bite of her sandwich.
I look at Mari. Her jaw has dropped. Our eyes meet and we both choke back laughs. I look around the table and see we aren’t the only ones. Drew turns red and has tears running down his face.
“Well, what am I supposed to eat?” Mamí asks in astonishment.
“I don’t know.” Pia looks up. “Or care.”
“Abuela, that means you don’t get dessert,” Marisol, my four-year-old niece, says wisely. She eats another chip. “I’m eating my sandwich, Mommy.”
“That’s right, Mari,” Pia says, smiling. We’re all smiling, except Mamí. “You eat your sandwich and don’t complain and you can have dessert.”
-oOo-
My brothers and I walk outside. Drew and Jesús join us. We all stare at each other and start laughing.
“Goddamn, Mateo!” Drew yells. “Your wife takes no shit!””
Mateo shakes his head. “Pia’s had it. Every time Mamí opens her mouth, Pia slams her. She says it’s made her more effective at work. No one can slide a half-assed compliment or insult by Pia anymore. She gets ’em every time.”
“Nice,” Jesús says. He pulls the tape recorder from his pocket.
“What the hell?” Ernesto says.
“I only tape Connie,” Jesús says quickly. “Can’t help it. Connie’s 50% of my act now.” We snigger.
“Not that I want to call the furies of hell down upon us,” I begin wearily, “but-“
“Driving Uncle Felix and his new wife insane,” Ernesto says. “His new wife, Tonia, threatened to put a restraining order on her if she didn’t stop showing up at the house.”
We all sober. A gust of wind blows at that moment and we watch the water droplets from the association’s sprinklers make interesting new patterns before dropping to the ground. I see small rainbows waver in the air, undisturbed by children playing or dogs barking.
Jesús turns and hits a button on his garage remote. We walk inside, curious. There’s not enough room for us to sit but Jesús grabs his camp chairs. We set them up and sit uncomfortably in them. Meanwhile he disappears into the house and returns with a six-pack. We sit back and enjoy the beer.
“Anyone heard from him?” Mateo asks quietly. They look at me. I’m sure I have my blank face in place.
“No.”
Mateo sighs. “I know you don’t give a damn, Mando-“
“Nope, I don’t,” I reply firmly. “Tony put the business in jeopardy, Mateo. We’re doing serious damage control in the Miami branch.”
Everyone’s mouth drops. “How?” Drew asks.
I cringe. “Tony’s attitude ruined our reputation as bodyguards. We have a rep for being sexist, condescending, rude, arrogant, and dismissive among the women in Miami. They talk and it started affecting our contracts in other areas. We’re rebuilding our rep.”
Drew whistles. “Shit.
“Even if I wanted to search for him, and I still don’t, there’s not a single person in the branch who would look for him. He put the entire branch in jeopardy.”
“That bad?”
“The Managing Director threatened to shut us down.” Sharp intake of breath from everyone. “My relocation to Charlotte is probation, as I told you before I left.”
Everyone nods.
“His friends?”
“His clique was part of the problem and they were fired along with him.”
“Damn.”
Everyone’s quiet for a few minutes. I think I’ve established that Tony won’t get help from me or RangeMan.
“Well?” I ask.
Ernesto grins. “Oh, Mamí‘sbeen catching hell,” he says. “She and Chita fight every day over something. I set a special ringer on my phone to identify her calls and I call Mamí once a week. I never answer her calls because all she does is call to demand I come pick her up and take her somewhere. I’d do it if I were interested in sitting through the lecture, criticism and complaints.”
I look at Mateo. He grimaces. “You see Pia’s response to anything involving Mamí. We even switched churches.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I like the priest where we are now more. He’s a good man, good with kids and the church is active.” He smiles. “Pia’s determined that our children won’t grow up only hearing criticism. We’re spending more time with her family.”
“Same here.” Ernesto snorts. “I hate to say this, bro, but you were the glue that held this family together.”
Mateo, Drew, and Jesús all nod solemnly. I’m . . . touched.
“And I want to say now, on behalf of myself and Bella, that I apologize to you Mando, for not providing you with the support and help you and Mari needed,” Jesús says, shamefaced.
“You apologized to me before,” I point out.
Jesús nods. “Yeah, but I need to say this now, mano e mano.” He takes a deep breath. “I spent my time laughing at you when it was your hell. Well, when it was my turn to deal with your hell, I realized I was nowhere near as strong a man as you. I did, literally, nearly kill Connie. That’s why I left Bella. I told her that if she didn’t put her mother out, there was a very good chance I might kill Connie.”
He swallows hard. “That’s when I realized how strong you are, hermano. None of us could deal with her like you did. I felt like shit for weeks for laughing about it. It wasn’t funny.”
The driveway is silent. We watch cars pass by the house. Each man is red-faced and staring at the ground. I’m feeling vindicated. My brothers and brothers-in-law couldn’t manage more than a few weeks each with my mother. Mari and I managed four years and my mother had never treated me with anything other than contempt.
Yeah. Not so funny now, is it guys?
“You stepped up and took Papa’s place and we followed you,” Ernesto says quietly. “Our father was the very best of men and you are the best of him.”
“Thank you.” I exhale heavily. “Sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes I feel guilty for not taking care of Mamí—”
“Mando—”
I raise a hand. “Then I look at my wife and my girls. Alyssa’s behavior has improved because her mother isn’t tense and angry anymore. She’s blossoming under our approval and encouragement. Elena is more active, more curious, more interested in everything around her. I come home and my wife is happy, dancing, laughing. We’re happy again and I think, I could have had this all those years.”
My brothers are nodding solemnly. Mateo is looking off into the distance. Jesús grips his beer tightly and Drew touches his temple with a pained look on his face.
Is that what I looked like?
“I never realized, until we left, exactly how close I was to losing Mari.” Everyone looks at me in shock. I nod. “She was a wonderful woman and put up with her husband not supporting her as he should. She bit back her complaints and supported me. She never stopped loving me but she was reaching the end of her patience.” I smile ruefully. “I have given her more than her fair share of ‘worse’. I’m trying to give her ‘better’ now.”
“That close?” Drew asks quietly.
“Yeah,” I reply. “That’s why I went to counseling.” I look at my brothers. “I will not lose Mari. My wife is my world. When she told me she’d thought about a separation, I didn’t hesitate. I got a referral the next morning.”
Mateo nods. “Pia told me the same thing. She’d leave before she’d allow Mamí in our home and when you suggested therapy, she agreed.” He looks at Jesús and Drew. “You had her in your homes. You might want to consider it too, especially you, Jesús.”
Jesús nods. I can see he’s considering it.
“My father asked me to care for Mamí. He did not ask me to take her into my home. He did not ask me to clutch her to me, hoping or assuming she might change. Merely care for her. I could have done that the way you and Mateo finally accomplished it, by providing her with a household of her own.
She and Chita have fought their whole lives, one-upping each other and turning us all against each other. Well, they no longer have that power. They have reaped what they have sown.” I smile sadly. “A child who treated his mother despicably before he disappeared and children who cannot stand to be in their mother’s presence.”
I raise my beer. “A warning to each man here. We’ll make mistakes with our children but at least we won’t make those mistakes.”
Jesús stands. “Exactly. Our children will know love from their parents.” He raises his beer and drains it.
“You don’t have kids,” Mateo says.
Jesús smiles. “Give Bella seven more months.”
—oOo—
We toast my sister, who is stunned then thrilled that Jesús told us. My wife and sisters immediately start asking questions about her health, morning sickness, and start telling labor and delivery stories. Bella looks uneasy before Mari tells everyone to stop. Don’t make Bella nervous.
Mamí looks stricken.
“You . . . you’re having a child?” she asks in confusion.
“Yes.”
“With . . . him?” She motions to Jesús.
“And only him.” She smiles wide. “And I guess since Jesús told everyone about the baby,”—she moves to stand next to him—”I guess now is the best time to tell you that Jesús’s comedy act was picked up! He’s shooting a pilot in LA next week!””
“Wonderful!” Pia and Lacey jump on Jesús with hugs and we clap his back.
“If you’d told us, we would’ve brought some champagne to toast, Jesús!” Drew says, grinning.
He waves his hands, smiling. “It’s OK. We didn’t find out until this morning.”
“Well, it’s nice to know someone finds your jokes funny,” Mamí says.
Jesús’s grin is grimmer now. “Oh, it’s termed schadenfreude.”
Drew chokes then starts laughing. I close my eyes and smile. I’m trying to let go of the hurt and annoyance. If my hell launches his career, so be it.
“What does that mean?” Lacey asks, glancing at me and Drew.
“It’s described as a feeling of enjoyment that comes from seeing or hearing about the troubles of other people,” Jesús says.
Everyone hides a smile. I see glances slide over to me and Mari. I glance at Mari. She’s red and shaking her head too.
Mamí sighs. “And again, I’m left out of the supposedly funny joke. Care to explain it in small words so I understand?”
Jesús grins. “Certainly. My entire act is made up of jokes I created while watching the literal hell you put your entire family through, especially Mando and Mari. You are the mother-in-law from hell. Actually, you’re the mother-in-law hell won’t have.”
Mamí blanches. We’re all holding our mouths or midsections trying not to laugh out loud.
“My career was sent into the stratosphere by the jokes I came up with describing life with you. How I nearly lost my marriage, my wife and I were fighting all the time, my formerly hen-pecked brother-in-law was laughing at me, and at the fact that you became the family hot potato.
Forget change the locks. Mando sold the house and moved his entire family eleven hours away to get away from you! Hell, from all of us! And once each of us had to live with you, we realized he’s a better man than us.” He smiles. “I was actively planning your murder for weeks after you left. I’d created alibis and started hoarding money. I knew one of us had to go when I started watching CSI: Miami for tips instead of laughs.”
Lacey breaks first. She turns into Ernesto’s side and starts giggling. Pia is next.
“So, in a way, I have you to thank for my current success, Connie. Ironic, given your contempt for my ‘career’,” he says, sarcastically. “So everyone, raise your glasses to the first lady of schadenfreude in this family. To you, Connie.”
Jesús raises his glass, toasts Mamí ironically, and knocks his water back.
—oOo—
Tía Chita’s timing is perfect, as usual. She pulls up just as Mamí strides out angrily, declaring she won’t return until Jesús apologizes.
He snorts. “Remember how well that worked out last time you said that?” Mamí glares at him. “Yeah. If you leave, I won’t stop you. In fact, you need a hand?”
“Jesús,” Bella says, chidingly. “She’s still my mother.”
“Fine time for you to remember it,” Mamí snaps.
“Give her cab money and let’s . . .” Bella peers outside. “Never mind. There’s Tía Chita.”
“Is that a positive or a negative?” Drew wonders aloud.
Mari smiles. “I’m going to check on the children again.”
“I’ll come with you,” Lacey and Pia state in unison. They head off and we watch Tía pull up. She gets out of her car and makes a beeline for me. Before she can open her mouth, I cut her off.
“No.”
She glares. “He’s your cousin! MDPD is being foolish. They aren’t even investigating anymore! I’m down there every day, asking them to follow up on leads.”
“I know. Thomas is annoyed,” I reply.
“Well, he was the last person to see him alive!” she screams.
The part of me that is a parent completely understands her frustration, fear, worry, anger, and annoyance. Not for the first time in my life, I envy Tony for his mother’s devotion to his every need. Tía will keep searching for him until the day she dies.
The part of me that had to deal with him all my life still feels a great deal of relief that I don‘t know where he is. I can continue to pretend I have no idea when and how he disappeared or where he might be now.
I stare at her. “Unfortunately, Tía, he nearly ruined RangeMan’s reputation in Miami. He insulted the managing director and managed to lose her 80-year-old grandmother when the woman visited Miami.”
My siblings snicker. Mamí and Tía stare at me uncomprehendingly.
“I was ordered to, and was glad to, fire him. If I had not, either Diego would have or Ms. Plum would have, and if Ms. Plum had, she would have fired me. I told you I wasn’t losing my job for him. And his friends followed him and got fired. You want to find him? Contact their relatives. Find out where they are. He’s probably with them.”
Tía breaks into sobs. “They’re searching! Everyone’s searching! We need help.” She stares at me. “This isn’t about RangeMan! I couldn’t care less about that company. This is about your cousin, Armando! Your cousin! Don’t you even care about him? Don’t you care that he’s missing?”
Again, the part of me that is a parent hurts for her. She loves that asshole. We’re all quiet. I don’t know about my siblings but, now that Tony’s gone, I realize how much better my life is. I don’t miss him at all. I have no good memories of him.
None.
“Well, Armando?” my mother asks. “Your aunt asked you a question. Don’t you care that he’s missing? You have the contacts and the ability to find him and you won’t. We would look for you if you went missing.”
Hatred, cold and heavy, settles in my stomach for a moment before I banish it. I don’t want to hate my mother. I simply don’t love her.
I turn my coldest look on my mother, who steps back from me.
“Would you really?” I ask quietly. “Would you really spend hours a day looking for me, Mamí? Would you ask for prayers from the congregation for my safe return? Would you harass the police to find me like you and Chita are doing for Tony? Would you hold Mari’s hand and comfort her until I returned?
You didn’t do it when I was on special teams in the military. Papa comforted Mari. He spent time with her. He wore down rosaries with her. You ignored her, treated her poorly, and refused to acknowledge that she was my future wife. So don’t lie to me and pretend you’d give a damn if I disappeared. You’d barely notice except to complain about how I’ve inconvenienced you.”
Mother blanches. My siblings are quiet and glancing at each other.
“If I disappeared, my RangeMan brothers would lead a charge to find me. I don’t doubt that. I don’t doubt that Ranger himself would fly in to find me, that Thomas and Lester would start working the streets, that Bobby and Tank would organize the men and start working all our official contacts and that Diego and Stephanie would keep Mari and the girls company until I was found. I don’t doubt that men from across the company would come in shifts to search for me until I was found. You? I doubt you would even bring a pot of coffee to Mari if I disappeared.”
I turn to my aunt. “That’s why the RangeMan brotherhood is so tight and that’s why no one in the company will help you, Tía. Tony isn’t a brother and he nearly took the branch down. He’s not one of us anymore. I can’t call on our resources to find him and, considering he threw me under a bus and tried to make a play for my job when Stephanie was here,”—audible gasps—”I’m not going to exert myself to find him.”
I sigh and pull my handkerchief. I hug my aunt and wipe her tears before handing her the hankie. “You need to hire an investigator,” I tell her quietly. “If MDPD isn’t getting anywhere, band together with the other families and hire an investigator. And leave Thomas alone. I spoke to him.” I stare her fully in the face. “I’m satisfied with his explanation of what happened. I don’t want my friendship with the man ruined because you’re driving him crazy. He’s no longer a suspect. The police cleared him. Leave him alone.”
She sniffs. “I told them RangeMan was the best and that you’d take the case.”
I bark a laugh. “Then you’re going to look like a liar. We don’t look for dismissed RangeMen. Once you leave the company, you’re gone. Goodbye, adios, adieu, auf wiedersehen and sayonara. Good luck.”
—oOo—
“Josefina is miserable. She’s Mamí‘s chauffeur, whipping post, and errand girl now. She’s pissed and she wants you to move home,” Ernesto says, twirling his cigar between his fingers.
It’s just us men out in the garage again. We have another six-pack, I shared some of the cigars I picked up in Ybor City and I’m enjoying this. This is the best Black Friday I’ve had in a while. I’m not desperate to escape to RangeMan, my mother isn’t harassing and haranguing me and Tony’s not an issue.
Mamí‘s not even an issue. She and Tía Chita left to go try to talk to every woman MDPD has been able to identify as having been in Tony’s apartment before he disappeared.
Forty six women. They’ll be busy for a while.
Mari’s showing Bella the joys of naptime for pregnant mommies. Josefina has avoided us all day and I just wondered why aloud. I’m concentrating on smoke rings. Ranger had to teach me how to make those. Took me years to learn. Tank’s a pro.
I shake my head and look over. “And?”
“She’s desperate to move out of our house,” Drew says. “Technically, she’s in my office, and I’ve told her that in my house she doesn’t get privacy and there’s no such thing as ‘personal space’. She’s in my office and when I need it, I need it.”
“Tell him what she did to try to fight back,” Jesús says, laughing. “Wait! Let’s get semi-comfortable. My ass hurts in this chair.”
We laugh. Drew and I fold the camp chairs while Mateo, Ernesto, and Jesús go inside and grab the dining room chairs. We sit and he’s right. We’re moderately more comfortable than we were before.
Drew grins. “OK, so the only time I stayed out was when she was dressing, so she started walking around naked under her robe all the time. Just when it was just me there, never Bianca. Well, after the third time I noticed, I told Bianca and asked her to catch Josefina in the act.”
I gape at Drew. He blushes.
“Josefina had no intention of moving out, not while we were supporting her. She’s still chasing after Lucas on the sly. Bianca was furious with me! I told her I had no interest in her little sister but that behavior had to stop.
So Bianca came home early three days ago. Josefina stripped and pulled on her robe and the moment Bianca slammed my office door open, Josefina dropped the robe half down and shrieked, thinking it was me.”
My jaw drops. Everyone else is turning red in laughter.
“Bianca screamed at her for hours,” Drew says, shaking his head. “Called her every name in the book. Meanwhile, I come home 30 minutes later and Josefina’s in tears, Bianca’s furious, and I’m trying to hide my laughs. Josefina complains she doesn’t have any privacy or space and Bianca tells her she has one week to get the hell out! If I hadn’t told Bianca what was going on, she admits she would’ve walked in on that, thought I was cheating on her with her younger sister, and kicked us both out.”
I’m leaning against Jesús now. I can’t even laugh. I literally have no response to that.
“Damn,” Ernesto says, wiping his eyes. “That’s still as fucked up as the first time Lacey told me what happened.”
“Yeah,” Drew says, taking a long swallow of his beer. “I caught hell with Bianca for not telling her earlier, but I told her that the first two times I thought it was an accident. That last time was blatant and I told her that night.” He shakes his head. “Bianca’s serious. She comes home every night and packs Josefina’s stuff.” He looks at me. “Expect her to plead with you to come back to Miami.”
Fat chance, but at that very moment, Mari walks out. The look on her face is contained fury.
“Mando—”
I stand. “Josefina?”
She stops short. “Yes. How did you . . .”
“I thought you were napping.”
“We tried, but she showed up begging me to listen to her.” Mari shakes her head. “Bella’s up there now with her.”
I smile. “Sit, querida, and let Drew tell you the story.” Mari takes my place in the chair, I sit on the concrete and she listens to Drew explain what happened. At the end of the story, Mari’s face is ashen.
“Is she just foolish? Or insane?”
Drew shrugs. “No idea, sis.”
Mari looks at me. I’m smiling. “How’s my son’s mommy?” I kiss her belly and lean my head against it. My son kicks. “Hello to you too, son.”
Mari threads her fingers through my hair. “Happy. Amused.” I look up and she’s smiling at me. “I don’t need to address that, right?”
“Not unless you feel some overwhelming need.”
“Right. Thought not. Thank you.” She kisses the top of my head and walks back inside.
I retake my place in the chair and flip everyone a finger. “My wife is happy. That matters.”
Drew raises his beer and smiles.
—oOo—
We walk back into our house in Charlotte at nearly midnight on Sunday. Mari puts the girls in bed; I drag the suitcases to our bedroom and hit the shower. I slide into my pants, lock the house up tight, and set an alarm for 0700. I send Chase a message that I’ll be in late in the morning. The phone beeps minutes later. Fine. He’ll cover me.
Mari comes into our bedroom and hands me the cocoa butter. I rub it into the stretch marks I have yet to see, she slips into her nightie and I curl up next to her.
I’m drifting off when I hear her say “Can we do that again next year?”
“Do what?”
“Spend just the minimum amount of time in Miami?”
“Of course.” I yawn. “Enjoyed it?”
“Loved it. I felt I actually got to know Pia and Lacey this year. They’re determined to never allow your mother to run them down. They fight fire with fire. Bella and Bianca are different women. They’re ignoring your mother and her demands. Bella reconciled with Jesús after realizing that she didn’t want to spend her life with her mamí and Drew and Bianca are thinking babies.” She snorts. “Josefina hasn’t changed. Still selfish.”
I smile and kiss the back of her neck. “I like Jesús.”
“Me too.” I feel her giggle. “Loved his toast. You‘re the mother-in-law hell won’t have.“
I roll onto my back and laugh. Mari pokes me. “Don’t wake the girls!” she hisses.
“Sorry.” I roll onto my side again and curl up next to her.
“I felt sorry for your mother.”
Not me. “Why?”
She sighs. “Because she’s spent a lifetime making others feel guilty for her mistakes. She’s never been happy.”
“She’s never wanted to be happy,” I retort. “I’m sure my father was not always a perfect man but he honored her as his wife. Never divorced her, although it would have been healthier for all of us kids if he had. Never stepped out of his marriage, never denied her anything, cared and comforted her his entire life. I’m sure he loved her at some point. He had to in order to make five kids. Mother was unhappy because she wanted to be.”
Mari struggles to sit up, so I boost her. She flips toward me and stares. “Mando, if you had not come home, I would have been unhappy my entire life.”
I turn on the bedside light. “If I had not come home, you would have chosen to be unhappy all your life.” I kiss her hand. “I would not have wanted that for you. Grieve me, but don’t grieve yourself into a grave. I love you. I want you to be happy.”
I catch the tears with a Kleenex and turn the light off. As I doze off, I murmur, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. If he can’t manage that, at least honor her. My father honored my mother. I love you.”
