Chapter 128: Meet Miriam

Steph’s POV

The city of Miami, or Coral Gables, has not gotten the newsflash that it’s winter. It’s 85 degrees and the heat and humidity is forcing people to stay in their bikinis and shorts much longer than they planned. The sun is beating down on the city relentlessly and the UV index means that fair skinned people (like me) are being forced to stay indoors.

That’s a problem right now.

Inside our home, Ranger and I are conducting a miniature Cold War. The temp inside our house might say 75 degrees, but Ranger’s cold mood brings the wind chill down to about 50. My hot-tempered annoyance is keeping us level at about 65.

After I flat out refused to apologize, we managed to avoid each other with a skill and patience the USA and USSR never had. If Ranger is in the bathroom, I stay in my closet. If I’m in the kitchen, he stays in the office. When we meet, it’s the Cuban Missile Crisis; we wait to see who blinks first.

Willing?

Nope.

His lips twist, my jaw tightens, and we move out of each other’s way.

The heat means the pool is a demilitarized zone. We acknowledge each other’s existence there, but nowhere else.

After two days we mutually decide, without words being spoken, that maybe that 6,000 square feet isn’t enough space. Ranger leaves and texts that he’s at RangeMan Miami. I’m at the house, sunning myself next to the pool, ignoring everything except my tan.

I’m tan in six hours.

—oOo—

I head to Aventura Mall. My last visit here was interrupted by people following me and a frantic drive back to RangeMan Miami. This time, I get to take my time and really enjoy it, but …

I miss having Hec with me. My partner is great to talk to while I shop and when he’s in a mood to shop, I learn a lot about men’s fashion. I pretend he’s with me and make a special trip over to the men’s section for a tie then to the children’s section. I finally leave when I realize I am standing in line to buy two outfits Manny would look adorable in.

I head into women’s shoes and shop for boots, but I can hear Hec in my head picking up the boots, checking the price tags, and wincing.

I give up. I call him and get his voicemail. I guess he’s in the server room again. I call Lula while in the Body Shop, hoping she’s up to talking, but I get her voicemail. I debate calling ML; I’m still mad with her, but I dial anyway.

“Hey.”

“Hey! What’s going on?”

I leave Body Shop, check the mall map and set off toward Macy’s. “Walking around the mall. What’s going on?”

“The usual. The boys have hockey practice and the end of the year books are coming up. Oh, and the annual Christmas pageant. Are you coming?”

“When is it?”

“The 17th.”

“Crap. No, I’ll be in NYC with Angie and MA.”

“Oh. Darn. Well, look, can I call you tonight? I need to get the boys’ uniforms and costumes.”

“OK. Talk to you tonight.”

“Bye.” Click.

I text Connie; she’s bailing Eula out and will call me back later. I wander the mall, still looking around for something to buy my parents and something for Ranger when I spot someone in the food court who looks familiar. Spiky black hair like Les’s, tattoos covering his arms and chest, short and thin like Hector, he’s wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a thin white T-shirt with a gold chain, the same outfit he was wearing the last time I saw him. Well, if we have to haul ass today, I’m wearing kidnap friendly shoes. I catch his eye and he nods at me, so I walk over once I’m certain. He smiles.

“Ms. Plum.”

“Danilo. What are you doing here?”

He plucks a hair off his shirt, looking amused by the question. “I was Christmas shopping. Now I’m following you.”

I feel a headache coming on. “Why?”

“Because you are the most unobservant person I’ve ever met,” he says calmly. My heart is pounding in my chest. “I’ve been following you since you stepped out of NY&Co two hours ago.”

Two … hours ago? I swallow hard. “Why?”

He’s quiet. His dark eyes are still scanning the mall and his lips quirk in a smile before his gaze settles back on me.

“I have no idea why you don’t have a guard, but if you think the danger is gone you’re fooling yourself.”

—oOo—

Danilo followed me around the mall for the rest of the afternoon. He’s silent, like a RangeMan would be, and he didn’t complain or ask me to hurry up. He seemed to have some fashion sense, though. He shook his head at a few outfits and grimaced at others. The one pair of pants that made my butt look huge got a big grin.

I put them back. My butt looked enormous. After that, I started questioning his fashion sense.

It’s not a bad experience. I asked him if he had anywhere else he needed to go and he said he was fine. Take all the time I need. I knew I should be annoyed that I had a bodyguard, but Danilo was … comforting. I mean, as comforting as a deadly gangbanger could be. Besides, he’d volunteered himself for this. No one ordered him to follow me, so if he’s bored, that’s not my fault.

Of course, I called Hector immediately to tell him and this time I got him. I could tell he was in the control room; I could hear the noise from the server farm behind him. Hec was silent.

“Let me speak to him.”

I handed the phone over and Danilo listened. His face gave nothing away and he made no indications that Hector scared or amused him. At the end, he handed the phone back, his hand shaking slightly. I checked; Hec had already hung up.

“Let me guess. You’re not allowed to let me leave your sight?”

He gave me a forced smile. “Not even to pee.”

I sighed. “Well, we are now officially stuck together.” I smiled at him. “Don’t you wish you’d left me alone?”

“Nope.” I tried to raise a brow and he hid a smile. “If something had happened and word got out I’d seen you and left you alone, no one would ever find my body.”

“You don’t have any responsibility to follow me.”

His eyes bored into me. “Ranger has always been a good friend and ally. We pay our debts.”

I gave up at that point and started shopping again. After three hours I was done. My feet hurt, I was hungry, and I missed Ranger (even though he’s acting like an idiot right now). Danilo escorted me to my car then hopped in the passenger seat so I could drive him around to his. We pulled up behind his car, a black Mercedes coupe.

“I thought you had a Malibu.”

“Christmas present to myself.” He sat for a moment. “Again, not sure why you don’t have someone at your back, but let me say this.” He turned and looked me in the face fully. “Your company provides bodyguard services for women just like you, women who are high value targets. If you think you can’t be taken, you’re fooling yourself. Put someone at your back. Pronto.”

I rolled my eyes. “I was able to go to the mall by myself in Trenton. I’ve been able to go wherever I want lately. I don’t need a guard.” I’m not helpless. Why does everyone think I’m helpless?!

He smiled. It was a cold smile. “Miami isn’t Trenton, Ms. Plum. Don’t be foolish. It took you two hours to notice me and you only noticed me because I put myself in front of you.” He got out and walked over to his car.

I was still rubbing my arms, absorbing what he said, when the car behind me honked. I drove up a little and Danilo backed out and sped away, the sounds of Latin bass coming from his car and making my little Miata shake. The car behind me pulled up beside me, flipped me a Jersey hello, and sped off, leaving the scent of gas and rubber behind.

A young mother with two children stopped at the trunk of her car and started loading bags, the older child climbing into the backseat. The baby threw his bottle down on the ground and his mother picked it up and capped it, putting it into his baby bag. She put the baby in the car and locked him in so she could finish putting her gifts in the trunk. The baby started screaming.

In the middle of the Aventura Mall parking lot, in 100+ degree heat, I felt as if I’d just gotten a chill.

—oOo—

We’ve been communicating via text message. It’s short and terse.

—oOo—

Sure?

Sure.

te extraño

I have to look that one up. I don’t remember it.

Oh.

I miss you too, Ranger.

—oOo—

Te amo.

I check the time. 2000.

Te amo también. Buenas noches.

No está mal, Babe. Te estás haciendo mucho mejor. ¿Quiere unirse a mí aquí mañana?

Traductor Google te ama. Sí, iré mañana.

—oOo—

Grocery run. Want anything?

No. Minutes later: Yes. Carrot juice.

I travel to RM-Miami and go directly to the 8th floor. Ranger takes the carton from me.

Our fingers brush.

I stay an hour. I couldn’t resist his touch.

—oOo—

“Any other questions?”

It’s Wednesday. Ranger’s running the staff meeting. Diego is the strategist again; Thomas is the liaison.

I’m against the wall. Miami leadership made a place at the table for me but I chose to sit in the back. I want to watch everyone. The guys, the leadership, were happy to see me. I was hugged and slapped on the back (the coughing forced them to stop) and they asked me if I was staying for the meeting. Not the staff meeting; Ranger’s announcement. I said I was and they smiled.

“No, sir,” Thomas says. “The men are curious about the purpose of your meeting.”

There are sidelong glances at me. I pretend not to notice.

“Fine. I’m speaking to them in an hour from this room.”

—oOo—

Ranger is sitting in his usual spot. I’m sitting next to him, fidgeting with a pen until he places a hand on my thigh. The men file in quietly and take seats, staring daggers at me. I see Les, Bobby, Tank, and Hec on by video chat. Ranger waits until exactly 1100 then begins.

“Good morning.”

A chorus back. The men smile. Ranger is back in charge.

“I’m here to address the men of my home branch on a few subjects. Anyone not from Miami and not an XO or liaison needs to leave the room.” He waits a moment then continues. “First, I’m still in hiding and I’m still not here. Understood?”

“Sir, yes, sir.”

“Second, I am headed back out on assignment, truly overseas this time, in the new year. As a result, every man will return to Miami within the next two weeks.”

That gets whispers and quiet cheers. They look thrilled. I see Thomas slip in at the last moment and wink at me. I smile at him.

“Third, let me address the reason some of you are no longer in Miami.”

Every man’s blank face slips into place. I clench my jaw and wait.

Let the ‘Blame Stephanie Show’ begin.

“The decision to move you away from Miami was a joint decision of Armando and the Leadership Core, but I’d already made the decision to move you out a week ahead.”

Faces slip. There are stunned side looks at me. I’m looking at Ranger, just as stunned. Is this the truth? Or a lie?

Ranger isn’t looking at me. He’s staring at the men. “No, Ms. Plum was not involved in the decision at any point. I’ve heard speculation that your removal from Miami was due to her insistence. That is not true.”

He sits back and pitches his fingers. The men look nervous. I’ve learned that’s Ranger’s ‘danger ahead’ pose.

“I made it clear, crystal clear, that if I heard chatter in the networks that I was stateside no one would find your bodies. How many Miami men are missing at this moment?”

Light bulbs go off. The men look around in shock. Ranger flicks an eye at Hec, who nods. There’s a hiss before we hear a voice.

“No, this still doesn’t make sense. OK, say she fucked Ranger into it. He’s one of four and he doesn’t share ass. So how did he talk the others into it?”

My stomach turns. I don’t want to hear those assholes, dead or alive, but I notice that every man in the room visibly reacts to the voice. Jaws clench, men pale, and a lot of them look nervous.

“Then there’s the bigger issue of Hector. That’s her partner. He doesn’t tolerate disrespect of her, so I’ve heard. And I’m still not breathing right after Mack’s elbow to my back.” There’s a wince. Which one was that? Crap, I remember when Mack did it, but I can’t remember which RangeMan it was. “I’m not in favor of having some bitch in charge of the company either, but while Ranger’s running around the country on his op”—sharp hisses around the room—“she’s in charge and the Leadership isn’t playing about that.”

“We have no idea how much longer Ranger’s gonna be on this mission.” That’s Tony Delgado. I know that voice. “I do know this: Clearly the fucker is pussy whipped because that Lamborghini keeps moving. He’s popped up to see her ass at least twice that we know of. So we have her ass for at least five more months. Maybe more depending on how long it takes for him to finish his op. So she’s gotta go. How do we do it?”

The recording stops. The men’s jaws have dropped. Everyone looks stunned. No one is moving. I look up at the monitors; Tank, Les, Bobby and Hec all looked pissed. Bobby’s nostrils have flared. Les and Hec are red and their jaws are set. Tank looks the least affected. He looks bored. I glance at Ranger; he looks exactly like Tank: bored. The men are doing the same thing I am and looking at me. I’m sure I’m red and angry looking.

The hiss of tape begins again. We hear a phone ringing.

“Hello?”

“You were right. He’s stateside.”

Laughter. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. His men talked in public. They know he’s here. When the Lamborghini moves, he’s meeting with her.”

“Told you. Had to be Mañoso. No one else is qualified.”

“Quit grinning. That’s a huge fucking problem. If he’s running this op, it’s airtight. Everything’s been airtight.”

“Except that he’s made mistakes. Biggest one being meeting with her during the op. If he hadn’t done that, he would be in the clear. So she’s the important piece of the puzzle—”

“Gutierrez is her partner.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The voice is excited.

“No. I couldn’t believe it! They’ve put another man on her as her partner until he gets here and assigned her a personal bodyguard. She’s doesn’t go anywhere without at least three guards. It’ll be impossible to get to her.”

“Leave it to me.” Click.

The recording stops. It’s like a bomb went off in the room. The men are silent, ashen, and staring at their fingers or toes. The men on the screens around the company mimic their brothers in Miami. No one is saying a word. I see some of the XOs, like Danny and Mark, staring at the Miami men they have at their branches. Every XO has his blank face on. The liaisons look shocked.

Ranger allows those words to hang over the room before he speaks, barely above a whisper.

“Who else talked?”

I can see the frost hitting the room. No one moves. The men are breathing heavily, some shaking. Everyone looks frightened, here in Miami and around the company. Ranger’s face is in ultra-lockdown mode. Even I’m ashen next to him. I still remember how scary it was to hear that during the op.

“I was betrayed by my own men.” Ranger’s voice is a hiss, barely above a whisper. “I was betrayed by my men, the Miami men. I had no idea how many of you were running your mouths, letting confidential information circulate outside of this building after you were told not to talk. I caught five of you on tape. Who else talked?”

No one moves. Most of the men look too frightened to breathe.

“You put me in danger. You put Ms. Plum in danger. The CIO was under extremely heavy watch and under protection in Atlanta. Why?”

“Because you fuckers talk,” Hector growls, glaring at the men. Everyone shifts to look at him. Hec is red, his nostrils flared. I’m frightened of him and I know that anger isn’t even directed at me. “My son was nearly kidnapped. Estafaniá was kidnapped. Juana Baez Sanchez was nearly kidnapped. Now that those assholes knew Ranger was stateside, they were going to use every trick in the book to force him out into the open.”

Ranger flicks a glance over at Hec and Hec’s mouth snaps shut.

“Ms. Plum was kidnapped and she held up under intense questioning. She managed to outsmart her kidnappers and get away. She was questioned here at RangeMan and she still didn’t reveal, at any time, in any way, that I was in the country. Her insistence led the men I was pursuing to assume that perhaps I wasn’t here.” He leans forward. “All her brave actions were made useless because five of my men talked one week later. Could I be sure that no one else talked? Could I trust my men?”

The men are staring at me. I’m gripping Ranger’s hand and we’ve laced our fingers together. Yeah, OK, we’re advertising we’re together but they already know. Right now, I need the reassurance more.

“I made the decision to move all of you out. Yes, it appeared that it was done based on Ms. Plum’s sexism survey, but the recordings you just heard were made the Monday before her meeting with all of you. They survived until Friday only because she pleaded for their lives.”

Ranger gives the men a few moments to absorb that news. Men who were once in the bodyguard group, like Jozen and Ren, are staring at me slack-jawed. I’m staring at the back of the room at Thomas. I need a neutral face and his is the most neutral face in the room.

Which is weird. Even Diego looks … solemn. Thomas looks … unsurprised.

“She wasn’t done with her investigation into the branch. I chose to allow her the time to finish doing what she needed to do. After all, the word was out now. No need to hamper her ability to do her job, the job of the CO. By the time Ms. Plum met with you, the decision had been made on my end.”

“However, the sexism survey Ms. Plum gave us was not a joke,” Mando says, and every eye turns to look at him, on a separate screen. He too is sitting back, fingers pitched.

Ram might have a point about that pose. Mando’s doing it well and it looks every bit as scary on him as it does on Ranger. Combined with Mando’s gray eyes, that pose and stare is cold and frightening.

“It was serious and it needed to be treated seriously. I spent months trying to find the cause of the leak and Ms. Plum found it in two weeks. Diego and I were verifying what she was learning the entire time. Ms. Plum was right and I needed a way to dilute the branch for a while, at least until the anger among the women of Miami lessened. Being able to say I fired Tony and that we were doing something concrete about the sexism helped our rep. Already, Ren can point to an increase in our contracts and the fact that we’re getting interest from women and families again.”

The men shift to look at Ren, who nods slightly. “True. The leak has been patched. We’re growing again.”

“So, I made the decision, separate from Ranger, to move everyone with high scores out until the anger lessened. Diego and I retooled the bodyguard strategy and worked with HR on strategies to retrain this office to respect clients and employees alike. Ms. Plum was not involved in any of those decisions until after they were approved by the Leadership Core and she had nothing to do with their implementation.”

“I backed Mando’s decision,” Tank says coolly, “but even if Ms. Plum had not given you that survey, you were going to be moved to protect Ranger’s life.”

The men turn back around and stare at me and Ranger. I’m red, trying not to cry and scream ‘See! See, you blamed me and I had nothing to do with it!’ I see Rod on the screen and I’m happy to see he looks as stunned as everyone else.

Vindication is sweet. I turn to Ranger. “Why is Rod here?” I whisper to Ranger.

“Every liaison is here,” he answers. “In case there are questions later. Plus, since Rod was the one who brought it to my attention, he should hear the answer from me.”

I smile and squeeze his hand under the table. Thanks, Ranger.

He nods grimly and faces the men again. “Ms. Plum did not make nor was she involved in the decision to remove any of you from this branch. Now that my op is over and I’m truly headed out of the country, I’ve decided to move you back in since I haven’t heard any chatter about my whereabouts since October. Neither has Hector, Les, or Thomas. Any questions?”

“No, sir,” Mario whispers. The rest of the men give a quiet, ‘No, sir’ in response.

I’m looking at Thomas. Thomas was involved?

“Good. Now, on to the second allegation I’ve heard lately in regards to Edna Mazur. Ms. Mazur will speak to you men later but—”

“But I owe you an apology.” Every eye shifts to me. Ranger lifts a brow but I nod. I’m prepared. “I apologize to each of you. I am sorry. Ranger tells me that you’ve been calling me a hypocrite and, as much as I don’t like that statement, I have to admit he’s right.”

The problem with making apologies, no matter how wrong you are, is the look of satisfaction the other person suddenly has on their face. It makes giving an apology sooooo hard. Almost every man in the room has gone from shocked and upset to smug in the space of a heartbeat. I remind myself that this is to avoid a lawsuit, even if I’m sure Ranger will find some slick way to cover it.

If he’s going apologize for my decisions, I won’t leave him alone to do it by himself. Not when he’s always, always, been there to help me.

“I brought my Grandma in because it’s hard to get men to consider sexism seriously. I looked for ways to show you how serious this problem is. Candy and I brainstormed ideas. We had nothing. Then I thought about my grandma. OK, on some level I know that what she does is wrong. I know that if it were a man doing that, we’d lock him under the jail.”

“Yeah, you would,” Jozen mutters.

“Well, that was the point, sweetheart,” I reply sharply. Jozen turns red. I’m glad he’s at RMSA. I’d like to take him to the mats. “My grandma did to you what so many women have to deal with every single day. She made sex objects out of you. She felt you up. She ignored your brains and reduced you to muscles. Didn’t enjoy it, did you?”

Lots of clenched jaws. Ranger squeezes my thigh and I sigh.

“Anyway, I had her do to you what we women deal with so often and, even though it was creative, it was wrong. I did tit for tat in order to make a point and I apologize. My Grandma should be here in ten minutes, once Ranger’s cleared this room, to say the same thing.”

I look at the monitors, at Tank, Les, and Bobby and sigh. Now to take it one further.

“Even though the Leadership Core is ready to take responsibility for that, I won’t allow it. I won’t,” I state, looking at the monitors. I see Les’s and Bobby’s brows rise minutely. “No one had any idea I was bringing my Grandma in and they couldn’t have stopped me if they tried. I made that decision and if you want to blame someone for that, blame me.”

“We do. Believe me, we do,” I hear someone mutter. I open my mouth to reply, but I’m cut off.

“I think what’s important to remember here is that, while you didn’t enjoy Mrs. Mazur’s behavior, that’s exactly the point Ms. Plum was trying to make,” Les says calmly. “Ms. Plum flipped it on you. She made you deal with the behavior our clients complain about. How did you men enjoy it?”

We’re back to red faces. I give Les a half smile and he winks at me. Thanks, Les.

“You men lost Maria—”

“And we will discuss that,” Ranger says, cutting Bobby off. His tone was arctic and the men wince.

“You men lost Maria because of the lack of respect in that office. Not just for women. For each other. Even after everything Mrs. Mazur put you through, one of you still thought it OK, thought it permissible, to pat the head of HR’s behind and three of you invaded her personal space.” Bobby chuckles mirthlessly. “Hell, forget Mrs. Mazur! After everything the housekeepers put you men through, you still missed the point. You see the issues now?”

“Respect,” Ranger says coldly. “Lack of respect for my orders. Lack of respect for my leadership. Lack of respect for RangeMan and RangeMen. I expect home office to be the shining example of what RangeMan is supposed to be, not a reason to cringe.” Lots of shifting and embarrassed looks again. I hear the hissing from the speakers finally stop, so I guess Hector’s stopped the recordings he had. “So I am announcing now that I will return to this office, home office, in the new year. I’m basing myself from this office permanently and I will fire, hire, and retrain this office to my standards. Let’s see if we can correct the problems when I’m on site. Understood?”

“Sir, yes, sir!”

For some reason, no man looks truly happy about the idea of having to report to a pissed off Ranger. I smile.

Well, there is an upside in all this.

—oOo—

Les’s POV

I watch Steph and Ranger at the front of the room in Miami. They’re having an intense discussion while the men clear out. Edna Mazur’s apology was hilarious (how do you apologize and subtly insult the men at the same time?) but I doubt the men enjoyed the humor. Javi kept shaking his head and muttering ‘I mean, my ass hurt for days after she pinched me!’

My phone beeps.

Well?

I’m surprised, OK? I figured she’d leave Ranger to cover her ass as usual. I’m happy to be surprised.

Glad to see it.

You expect too much.

Look who’s talking.

They made it 1600 miles. It’s permanent, Les.

I know.

I stare at the screen. Ranger’s smiling at her.

He told us about the crocs, laughing the entire time.

I had to admit, I was really happy for him. I no longer love her like that, but he still does.

Good to see you back her, RB.

Yeah, well, I hope she proves me wrong.

—oOo—

Steph’s POV

I leave RangeMan and head back to the beach with Grandma. She’s still laughing.

“Wouldn’t get within arm’s reach of me,” she says. “Bunch of babies.” She’s trying to adjust my AC and I feel like yelling ‘King of the car!’

I smile but my heart’s not in it. “No feeling them up.” I still think it was the right thing to do but the guys still apologized, even after I took the heat. I still don’t understand why an apology was even necessary. The Miami men finally got the point. Using Grandma worked.

She sighs. “I won’t. Hector told me all RangeMen were off limits now.” She adjusts her seat belt. “Let’s stop and get some veggies. Larry offered to grill for us tonight.”

“Will he put on shorts?”

“Gonna make a play for my man?”

I shudder. “No, thank you.”

She laughs. “I found out what swinging is.”

“And?”

“I found a new limit.”

—oOo—

I decide to travel back to RangeMan for the night. Ranger’s sitting up in the bed, staring at the ceiling when I enter the bedroom. He doesn’t say anything, just flips the sheets back. I strip to my panties and settle into my hot Ranger cocoon.

He nuzzles the back of my neck and tweaks a nipple. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

—oOo—

Ranger handles breakfast the next morning. Sex in the shower, sex on the bed.

Another shower.

I’m bushed and lying naked across the bed. Ranger kisses my tummy. “Plans?”

“I called Miriam.”

He stills. “Moving your sessions ahead?”

I pull a pillow under my head. “I decided to ask her for a session while you’re still here. Test the waters, I guess.”

He nods. “When and what do you need from me?”

“Tomorrow. 1300. Just go with me, that’s all. Can you?”

“I’ll pick you up and drop you off. How’s that?”

“Fine.”

—oOo—

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. This reminds me of Nikki’s living room, minus the TV and the bookcases. Pretty blue walls, two white leather couches and a chaise lounge, but the chaise has a sign over it: Yeah right. You don’t get to lie down and nap in my sessions!

That’s promising.

Abstract art on the walls. I stare at it and wonder what Mari would say.

Why wonder?

I take a quick picture and text it to her. Info on this piece. If you have time.

“Nervous?”

Yes. “No. Why would I be?”

Ranger’s in the parking lot on the phone. “Psychiatrist. People are usually nervous about seeing one.”

So what do you want to hear, Ranger? That I’m nervous? Scared? Wondering what this woman will say about me? Wondering how she will judge me?

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good to hear.”

I turn. The owner of that voice is somewhere between 40 and 50 and tall, very tall. Her light brown eyes are clearly assessing me. She’s in a maxi dress, diagonally striped with an uneven hem, and she’s fit and toned. She’s pulled her dark brown hair back into a French roll, a few tendrils artfully framing her face. No makeup. Not even mascara.

I like her shoes. High heeled espadrilles with ribbons going up her legs. She’s into fashion.

“Yeah, I can’t find clothes easily because I’m six foot and a size 16, but I have size 9 feet and I’ll cram them into every pair of sexy heels I can find,” she says, striding into the room.

I smile. That I understand.

She takes a seat on the couch opposite me and pulls her legs onto the couch with her. “So, Stephanie, why are you on my couch? Oh, and the phone? No.”

“Good luck, Babe,” he says.

“Bye.”

Ranger hangs up. Somehow, in that split second, she morphed from the cool, kick-ass, possible new friend into a doctor. Glasses perched on her nose, notepad in her hand, completely blank face.

Hello RangeWoman.

“I’m here because I need help.” No response at all. “I … I want my relationship with Ranger to work out, but I need to get over my need to run.” I sigh. “I can’t take an order, at all, no matter how it’s made. I have problems with authority. All authority. I don’t want my life to be another way for everyone to get what they want. I want to live my life the way I want to and that’s not Ranger. That’s not his life. His life is all about rules, regulations, making and following orders. It’s all about toeing the line.”

I pull my feet up into her sofa and look around her office.

“Umm hmm.”

Her entire tone says This is a waste of my time and expertise.

“Yes.”

She blinks once. I wonder what mascara she normally uses. Her lashes are gorgeous. Her hazel eyes really pop. “OK. What else?”

I shrug. “I dunno. Bobby’s assessment said I have a problem with—”

“I have a copy of his assessment. Ignore that. I’ll give you another, deeper one. His assessment might be right, it might be wrong, but I don’t want you to consider that right now. What made you decide you needed therapy?”

It might be wrong? I’ve spent hours thinking about it! I chew my lip, thinking.

“Don’t think.” I look at her. She’s watching me. “Don’t think. Talk. Don’t worry about making sense. Just talk. What’s on your mind?”

“I got a ring.” I look down at it. It sparkles and winks at me. “I got a ring and I’ve always wanted some sign, some signal from Ranger that he loves me and I finally got it and I’m scared but I’m not scared. I don’t know what this means. I mean, he called it an ‘I love you’ ring, but what is that? I know what a engagement ring is. I know what a wedding ring is. I know what a promise ring is. Is this a promise ring? I don’t know.”

I stand up and pace. “I don’t know what my relationship with Ranger is supposed to be. I don’t know how to categorize it. Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? I don’t know and I need to know except that once it has a title that means stuff. I mean, something happens next. Where is this going? I don’t know and I need to know! Ranger is Mr. “This is whatever we say it is” but I need something I can tell my mother! I don’t do casual sex! Is this going somewhere? Do I want it to go somewhere? I want to be married but I don’t want to be married because I’ve been married and I didn’t like it so I don’t need to be married except I’m Catholic!”

I whirl around. “I don’t want to be my mother! I don’t want to spend my entire life wrapped up in my kids’ lives. I don’t know if I want kids! I mean, kids scare me except for Manny and Angie and MA but they’re all old enough to talk and tell me what they want. I mean, the day my niece Lisa was born I saw her and fell in love with her and she was beautiful and red and gross looking but she was beautiful and I thought about having kids for half a minute but then I thought about being a Mom and running carpool and changing diapers and feeding and panicked because I didn’t know what to do and my mom and sister would take over and I think Ranger would help but he’s always running overseas except he said he took missions because of me and I felt like a failure and an idiot but he never said anything he just saved me and pulled me out of my screw-ups and I never realized he was paying for it except I knew he did but I didn’t and—”

“Breathe!”

I finally take a breath and fan my face. Miriam goes over to the door, knocks twice and sticks her head through. I sit on the couch. She closes the door, two bottles of water in her hand. She passes me one.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I drink a quarter of the bottle. Miriam nods. “Good?” I nod. “Keep going.”

“I can’t remember where I was.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Well, in that case. I search for a topic and “I love being a RangeWoman and I hate it. I love it because it’s fun and exciting and nothing’s ever the same two days in a row even when I’m doing paperwork and reading reports and I’m always thinking about what to do next and how to improve things and I love what I do. I love doing Ranger’s job but I suck at it. He’s much better at it and he knows what he’s doing except I spent the past nine months fixing a lot of things that he never did and it was all stuff related to the absolute crap communication Ranger has and I did my best, well, I tried to do my best and the Miami men hate me because I screwed up because I let my Grandma sexually harass them and I did it because they needed to understand what that felt like and what it’s like to be degraded and reduced to body parts and have your brain and skills ignored and that’s how the women in Miami feel and that’s what they told me they felt from our men but the Miami men got pissed because guess what?! They didn’t like it! They felt degraded and humiliated and I was satisfied because I thought they learned the lesson but nope. They just got pissed at me and my Grandma and yeah, I get that I was wrong to let her loose on them but how do you make the fucking point because men don’t get it! You start reducing them to body parts and they’re proud! They’re proud if you notice their chests or abs or ass and please please please heap compliments on their dicks! Even Ranger likes knowing he’s got the biggest dick around—”

“Breathe!”

I take a breath. Miriam nods. “Good?” I nod. “Keep going.”

“So now Miami is pissed at me and Ranger’s moving a bunch of men back in who spent three months in different branches away from their families and they all blame me but that wasn’t my decision but it’s not like they’re going to blame Mando or Tank. Oh no, they blame me because it’s easier to blame the woman for the decision. So now I’m here in Miami, in a branch hostile to me, and I was hoping for an easier time while Ranger ran this last mission and I started therapy with you but no, I’m back in the shit again! I can’t fucking win and I’m sick of it! I’m sick of working and feeling like no one cares or gives a damn or that it even matters! I’m tired of the seven a.m. calls with Bobby, Tank, and Les where they tell me what they’re doing but they never ask me what I’m doing or what I need! It’s just this expectation, It’s 0700. We’re updating you. Update us, but no real discussion and when I talk to Tank that’s just white noise on the phone because he’ll ask me questions and it’s like he’s just ticking off a list and I don’t think he’s actually listening to me! Then he’ll ask me some random question and we talk and OK, he was listening!”

I sit on her couch, breathing heavily, and stare at her. “Can anyone hear me?” She shakes her head. “Is that safe for you?”

She smiles. “You’re worried about my safety?”

I shrug. “Just doesn’t seem smart to be locked in a soundproof room. If you needed help, how could anyone help you?”

She stares at me for a few moments. “I’m trained in Krav Maga and I wear a panic button. My staff is equipped with tranquilizer guns and they have the keys to get in. Just in case. I can hold my own until help arrives.”

“Nice,” I reply, nodding approvingly.

“Soldiers with PTSD can be unpredictable sometimes.”

“Oh.”

“Continue.”

“You aren’t writing notes.”

“I’m listening.”

“You’re recording this, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

I growl. “That’s another thing that drives me insane. Everything in RangeMan is recorded! Phone calls, conversations, meetings, if they’re talking it’s being recorded! I don’t think they notice or even care anymore but I do! I’m tired of wondering if something I say is going to come back to haunt me! I wonder if they’re taping me pee in the bathroom!”

It’s the first sign of amusement on Miriam’s face but it disappears as quickly as it appeared.

“It’s not funny! It’s maddening except that I’m a hypocrite because I’ve done it! I’ve taped people and not let them know I was taping them because I needed ammo and it’s annoying that the Miami men call me a hypocrite except that sometimes they have a point because I’ll do something to them then get pissed when they do it to me and I hate being told I’m wrong because all I hear is my mother smacking my hands telling me I’m doing something wrong and my sister rolling her eyes going ‘It’s simple, Stephanie. Can’t you figure it out?'”

“Stop.”

I stop, breathing heavily again. Miriam points to the chaise lounge. “Lie back.”

“I thought no one gets to lie down in your sessions.”

She stares at me. “Fine. Don’t.”

I stalk over the chaise and get comfortable. Miriam says nothing and I wait.

“Now you’re going to ask me for my earliest memory, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“Just lie back.”

I lie back and stare at the ceiling. The ceiling has fluffy clouds. I wonder who did it. I stare at the walls. The walls and the ceiling are the same color. Odd and kinda cool. I stare at my feet. I need a pedicure.

“What!” I yell, exasperated. Am I just supposed to stare at my feet all day? I feel fidgety. I turn and she has a notepad and she’s taking notes. At my outburst, she stops taking notes and stares at me.

“How did you meet Ranger?”

I lie back against the pillow. “My friend Connie called in a favor. I needed help. I had just blackmailed my cousin for a job and I was assigned to catch my high school crush, Joe Morelli. I had no background in law enforcement, no background doing detective work, and Connie was the older sister of my friend Tina. She called Ranger.”

“So she called in a favor for you?”

“Yes.”

“Hmm …”

I clench my teeth. “Yeah. I met Ranger in a diner and told him what I was doing. He laughed at me.”

“Hmm …” I look over at her. She’s watching me. “Go on.”

“So I tell him, I have no money, no job, and I’m driving a shit car. I have motivation, so he agrees to give me some tips. He helped me get a gun and helps me think through what I’m doing. I catch Morelli. Ten big ones for me.” I smile at the memory.

“And you and Ranger started dating?”

My smile falls. “Well, no. I started dating Morelli.”

“Why?”

I shift to look at her. Her blank face reminds me of Tank. Absolutely nothing there.

“I dated Morelli because he was clear that he was interested in me again. I liked him. We dated. It was easy.”

“It had a label.”

“Yeah!”

“And? Did you want to date him?”

I sigh. “Yeah, I did. I knew him. I like him. It’s not like Joe is unlikeable or ugly. He’s not. He’s handsome and sexy and he’s smart.”

“What would he say about you?”

“I’m like a dog with a soup bone.”

She raises a brow and shifts in her seat. “Is that something he actually said?”

“Yeah.”

“Anything else?”

“I think of ways to fuck up his life. Dog with a soup bone. Freakin’ lucky. I’m pretty good looking and I’m tenacious.”

“Sounds promising.” Her voice says it was anything but and my face flames.

“OK, so he isn’t smooth. I liked him. He was better than my ex.”

“Ex-boyfriend?”

“Ex-husband.”

“The plot thickens.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah. Dickie Orr. Worse mistake I ever made but, like Joe, my mother approved of him. He’s handsome and successful and he can take care of me. That’s Mom’s goal in life: to find men that can take care of her daughters and she got that from my grandma.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” I exhale loudly. “My grandma thinks of herself as a feminist but she’s not. She went from her dad to my grandpa then my dad and she’s now living with her boyfriend. She’s always had a man to take care of her. No woman in my family knows what it’s like to live without a man except me!”

“And?”

“And I’m considered an oddity in the Burg. I live without a man, I break up with my boyfriend when he pisses me off, I’m thirty without kids, and I work for a living. I don’t have a fall back, no husband bringing home a separate check. Everyone sneers at me because they think my life’s a waste and I look at the screaming kids and football husbands and frazzled wives and think, oh yeah, I want to join your hell. Sign me up!“

She smiles. “Keep going.”

“So we date but I still rely on Ranger. He’s always there when I need him and he never makes me feel stupid. Joe made me feel stupid sometimes. He’s a cop. He knows the law. He knows how to investigate crime. Ranger knows how to investigate crime. I know how to be nosy and put two and two together.”

“Um hmm …”

That sound is driving me insane. I start twisting my shirt to keep from losing it. “So I’m dating Joe but I’m falling for Ranger. Joe and I break up and get back together all the time because I refuse to be my mother. I refuse to be my sister. I refuse to be my best friend. I don’t want to be like every other woman in the neighborhood. I want to fly. I want to be Wonder Woman.”

“Childhood dreams?”

“Yeah.” I smile, remembering my ‘cape’ and lasso of truth.

“What about as a teenager?”

My smile dims. “I wanted to be a rock star’s girlfriend. Metallica, Nirvana, Aerosmith, it didn’t matter except I noticed the lead singers and their girlfriends kept dying.”

“High mortality rate.”

“Yeah.”

“Now?”

“I want to stay alive and I wouldn’t mind looking hot at least once a day.”

I hear a chuckle. “OK. Go on.”

“Anyway, I finally succumb. I sleep with Ranger. Worse decision I ever made.”

“Worse than the ex-husband?”

“Much worse.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a drug. He’s magic. He knows how to make me want him and he does. I want him like nothing I’ve ever known.”

“So you two start dating?”

I laugh mirthlessly. “Depending on how you want to define it, we didn’t start dating until a few weeks ago.”

Her brows rise. “This sounds interesting. So … when did you sleep with Ranger?”

I think. “Almost three years ago.”

“And?”

“Massive mistake. He tells me that if I leave my bed empty for too long, he’ll fill it. Just what I want to hear. No promises for the future but hey! If I get an itch, he’s willing to scratch.” I snort. “Only, now that I know what it’s like, my relationship with Joe just feels empty. We fight more and more and when I’m unhappy and not with Joe, Ranger and I are in the alley kissing.”

“Itchy?”

“Constantly.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“It was.”

“So how did this resolve itself?”

“Joe dumped me. Permanently. Back in March. Told me that we would get back together when I was ready to be serious. I would have to propose to him. I would have to be ready to talk about kids and the rest of our lives.”

“No more back and forth.”

“No.”

“Why?”

My face flames. “That’s not something I want to discuss.”

“Tell me anyway.” I stare at her, jaw clenched. She stares right back. “You’re paying by the hour.”

I slump, defeated. “We’d just made love and he told me he loved me then he asked me to marry him and I told him no and he asked me why. I was half asleep and I told him I didn’t love him. What I meant was I didn’t want to get married but …”

“Freudian slip?”

“I guess. Anyway, he left and when he came back he told me that it was over. Permanently. So I threw myself at Ranger.”

“It worked.”

“Yeah. Sort of.” I sit up. I hate sitting back if I can’t go to sleep. I rub my forehead and stare at her. “Ranger had a mission to run. He said that if I still felt this way in a year, we could discuss it but sharing his life isn’t like the life I’d have with Joe. There’s more danger. It’s more secrets, more responsibility because of the company and I’ve lived it over the past year. The guys, Bobby, Les and Tank, they gave me Ranger’s job.”

She nods and makes a note. “Uh huh.”

OK, that’s really starting to piss me off.

“Yeah. So I ran RangeMan. I did Ranger’s job and got zero support or encouragement and, and they ran a psyop on me—”

She looks up, alarmed. “What?”

“Yeah! Forced me to get training. Forced me to live their lifestyle, their way, and because I was Ranger, I couldn’t slack anywhere. Nothing but pressure living his life and it’s insane and I’m still trying to figure out when he had time to save my life all the time. So I made all the changes they demanded, ate healthy, learned to exercise and at the end what did I do? My life became a way for everyone else to get what they wanted! They got a Stephanie who can run and jump and swim and shoot like a member of the military! They got a Stephanie who is trained and prepared.”

I whirl around. “They got a Stephanie who can fucking bark on command! What did I get, huh? What do I get out of this? I thought I got Ranger out of this but is he worth the loss of who I am? Everyone got a Stephanie they can be proud of and I look back and then look at Ranger and think Were you worth all this effort? I was proud when I got my scores but now everyone talks about keeping it up and staying fit and my Tastykakes might as well be made out of dead puppies, the way everyone looks at them and I look at them and I don’t see yummy treat anymore! I don’t see comfort and deliciousness. I see an hour of running! I’ve never dieted in my life and now I judge everything by how much running I’ll have to do to work it off! So they got what they want and we had it out a few weeks ago and now BLT is pissed at me because I told them to go fuck themselves and they don’t see that they took my options from me. They think ‘we gave her lots of options and let her choose’ but that’s like taking me to a car lot and saying ‘we gave you models to choose from and you chose.’ No, I didn’t! You pre-chose my options for me! What if I wanted a Ford? You took me to the Chevy lot.”

Miriam’s eyes are wide and she seems to have sunk into her chair. “Nice analogy,” she murmurs.

“I’ve had time to think of one. I didn’t have a full range of options and you knew I was too tired and upset about what happened to really think through all my options right then. And then, once they got me inside RangeMan, they kept the pressure up until I chose the option they wanted me to take! And no one, no one, understood, not my friends, my best friends, my partner, no one! They all said Well, you told them to go fuck themselves so you need to apologize, but BLT doesn’t have to apologize to me! They don’t have to say we’re sorry we manipulated you. Oh, they’ll say everything but that but they won’t actually give me the apology I want!”

I’m screaming again, still hurt and annoyed that no one seems to give a damn or care that BLT took my options from me! No one gets it! I’m pacing back and forth in Miriam’s office, frustrated again and I don’t know why I’m just dumping all of this on her but finally! Someone who’s willing to listen to my side of the argument! And not cut me off! I pace until I calm down and start talking again.

“So now I’m waiting for Ranger to get back so we can discuss our lives together but Ranger is Mr. Anti-label. This is what we want it to be. Huh? I like labels. Labels make life easy. Miriam. Psychiatrist. Yeah, you’re other things but that’s a label.” She smiles. “Stephanie. Bounty hunter. General Manager. Daughter, sister, friend, see how labels make life easy?”

“I do.”

“Ranger?” I throw my hands up. “What we have has no label! I need a label, something to hold onto, something that makes sense.”

“Is it ready for a label?”

“It’s long overdue for a label,” I reply.

“Hmm …”

And I blow.

“And that noise? That drives me insane! If you have something to say, say it. I’m tired of being judged, tired of everyone holding in what they have to say. I’ve had nine months of it. Everyone, from my dad to the Chief of Police in my hometown, has decided that hey, now that Ranger’s gone, let’s tell Stephanie Plum what we really think of her! The only people I’ve met lately who were straight with me were Tank’s mom and sister and I don’t really like his sister.” She smiles. “So whatever it is, I put my big girl thong on today”—she chokes on her water and starts laughing—”so you can just tell me!”

She grins at me, wiping her eyes. “Got everything off your chest?”

“Yeah, kinda,” I reply, sitting on her couch again. “Look, at the end of this, I know two things. One, I’ve changed. I’ve changed a lot and some of the changes I’m OK with and others? No. Actually, most of the changes I’m not that thrilled with. I miss my old life and I miss feeling independent. Two, I love Ranger. I truly love him and he loves me and that’s part of the reason I’m here. I want happily ever after with him but I’m tired of feeling like I’m always wrong with him. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one doing any changing. I want to see someone else make an effort.” I curl up on her couch and sigh, feeling relieved and … lighter. Miriam passes me a box of Kleenex and I wipe my brow.

“Good. First, brava. You’re the first first-time patient I haven’t had to extract information from. I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome,” I mutter.

“Second, I am going to send you back outside to the computer to take the assessment I mentioned. Takes thirty minutes, but it will give me a better understanding of your issues. OK?”

“Fine.” Ugh.

“Third. You want to know what I think?” I look up, hopeful. Her warm brown eyes are staring at me in amusement. “What do I think? Based on what I’ve heard so far, I think I’m looking at a woman who has been told, for years, not to trust her own mind when it comes to her personal life. I think events in your life have caused you to internalize that message so I think I’m looking at a woman who desperately seeks the approval of others for the decisions she makes. I think that what scares you the most is not the idea that everyone is wrong, but the idea that they are right and you’re the one who is wrong. I think that scares you because it means that everything you’ve based your life on, every assumption you’ve had, is wrong.”

I sit back and absorb that bombshell. What?

There’s a ping from her computer. Miriam stands and stretches her long legs before finally heading behind her desk and clicking on the reminder to make it shut up.

“I think the woman I talked to on the phone six weeks ago is not the same as the woman I’m speaking to now, which is good,” she says, still staring at the screen. She returns to her couch and smiles at me. “I think the woman that I’m speaking to now truly is ready for therapy, not because of a man, or a job, or because someone told you you need it. I think the woman standing before me now is ready for therapy because she’s ready to let go of the bullshit, stupidity, and craziness that defines her life. I think the woman standing before me now is ready to define herself, for herself, and just needs help finding the words.”

She stands and I stand with her, feeling hopeful. “My job, Stephanie, is to help you find the words but it also means that anything less than absolute truth?” I nod. “I will call you out on it.”

“Thank you.” I can deal with that. It’ll be nice to have someone around me who’ll say what they think.

“You’re welcome. Final thing?” I nod. “The umms and hmmms? Designed to test you. Robert’s assessment said you worry about the judgment of others.”

My shoulders slump. “And I screamed at you for judging me.”

“Right. As your therapist, you’re going to feel that I judge you. It’s not true, but I needed to see if you were willing to call me out for it. If you weren’t, then I’m not the therapist for you.” She smiles. “I’m going to push you. You aren’t going to like it, but Stephanie?” She places a hand on my shoulder and forces me to look up. “I’m going to push you because you asked for it. I’m not Bobby, Lester, or Tank. You’re on my couch because you want to be. No one forced you here. Remember that.”

“I will.”

“This is your first session and after each session there will be homework.” I groan. “Thank you for reminding me to make sure my son remembers to do his homework.” I laugh and she smiles.

“OK, homework.”

“Yes. Homework for this session? Make sure you have a network of family and friends ready to support you. You’re going to walk out of my sessions some afternoons feeling as if we went ten rounds and I’m Muhammad Ali. Got me?” I nod. “Make sure you have people ready to support you however you need it. Got it?”

“Got it.” Time to call Hec. I wonder who else I could get to support me. Ranger, once he gets back. Hm …

She opens her door and calls Shelby to help me get set up on her computer to take her assessment. I wave as she heads back inside and she smiles at me.

I think the woman in front of me is the right person for me.

—oOo—

“Well?”

Ranger is looking at me from the corner of his eye. I’ve said nothing since he returned to pick me up.

I’m thinking about Miriam’s words.

I think I’m looking at a woman who has been told, for years, not to trust her own mind when it comes to her personal life.

I think that what scares you the most is not the idea that everyone is wrong, but the idea that they are right.

I’m going to push you because you asked for it. I’m not Bobby, Lester, or Tank. You’re on my couch because you want to be. No one forced you here. Remember that.

I shrug. “I like her.”

“Good. Going back?”

“Yes.”

Ranger’s fingers lace with mine and he squeezes gently. “What do you need from me?”

For you not to leave and go to Syria, but that’s a done deal. I fiddle with the AC, even though the temp in here is fine. Ranger drove my Miata to come get me, which made me smile. I know he loathes this car, even though he tries to hide it. “I’m fine. Just … anxious. Ready to get started but not.”

He nods. “How often are your sessions?”

“Every two weeks.”

“That’s it?”

“She said I’ll need time for reflection between sessions. Plus, there’s homework.” I grimace. I didn’t like homework in school.

He smiles. “OK.”

It’s a quiet ride home and, for once, I seduce him when we get there.