Chapter 67.5: The Housekeepers’ War, Part X
Week Three
Diego’s POV
I love Ella Guzman. I never thought I’d say that, but hell. I do. I love her.
The men of Miami are some tired motherfuckas.
They miss Maria and Rafe now. They’re desperate for her to come home. They can’t wait to tell her how much they missed her and how they’re willing to work with her now.
Antonio had the nerve to suggest, during today’s staff meeting, that we needed to get professional cleaners in here before the CO’s arrival to ensure everything was perfect. I stared at him.
“Since when do you care about the CO’s opinion?”
Antonio snorted. “Well, we’ve seen that women can find dust anywhere.”
B cut me off. “My mother can find dust anywhere because that’s her job, but you forget, I worked in the business too. I can spot dirt and dust too and I know you want to bring in a housekeeper cuz you half-assing the windows. Get ’em clean, muthafucka. Quit leaving streaks.”
Silence around the table. B was glaring at Tony, who was red-faced and glaring back.
“Yo ass just has to dump trash. Cleaning windows is hard work.”
B snorted. “And you said that anyone could do it. Well, you learning different now, aren’t you?”
“What chores are not currently covered?” I asked.
Mario checked the notes. “Toliets. No one wants that.”
I smiled at Tony, whose eyes widened. “Toliets or trash?”
“No fucking way.”
“Fine. Toliets. I would’ve given you trash, so you could learn to appreciate what B’s doing for us, but since you still fail to appreciate your RangeMan colleagues, you can clean up after their shit.” Every man, except Tony, turned red trying not to laugh. “Literally.”
I turned to Mario. “We have enough urinal cakes? I’m sure the toilets haven’t had a good scrub since Rafe left.”
Every man misses Armando now. I just realized that the man has not had a vacation, with the exception of the rare Sunday Mariela forces him to spend with family, in the entire time I’ve known him.
This week has been hell on the men.
I’m a cruel bastard. Piss me off and you get assloads of manual labor. Juan has been a beast in the kitchen. Maria gave him permission to use her binders to cook and, when he’s not on duty, he cooks. Mando pushed a pay supplement through Ella for him (we told her he was earning it) and he’s grateful. He’s also tired.
“Man, this shit is back breaking. I could use some help, Diggy.”
I stare at him. I’m mixing 50 pounds of dough and I’m amused. “Maria never got help.”
He flops into a chair and swallows hard. “And you have no idea how much I regret that shit. This is fucking labor. I sit on my ass all day and do research. Maria was up here bustin’ her ass to keep me fed.” He looks up with a wry grin. “No wonder she’s still in such great shape. Shit, anything she might gain she works off in here.”
He sits back and laughs. “Hell, all the RangeMan housekeepers are in great shape. Those ladies still have it. No wonder Rafe is so hot on Maria. She cooks, she cleans, she’s a sweetheart, and she’s still got her figure. If I were Rafe, I’d want to get on that too.”
I haven’t always liked Juan, but this is the very first time I’ve completely agreed with him.
Braulio and the men spent days brainstorming ideas. They were all set to buy her a cookbook holder when I point out that a cookbook holder was the equivalent of buying your pops a tie. They stop and reconsider.
“Well, shit,” B says, slumping. “Then what do we get?”
“It’s an anniversary present. Which anniversary would this have been?”
Mario, Deuce, and B look at each other then boot up the search engines. “Hmm … damn! Maria’s only 50. She’s young,” Mario says.
I shrug. “Which tells you?”
He looks solemn. “She lost her husband at 45. Fuck,” he says quietly. All the men in the break room look solemn now.
“You know,” Deuce says slowly, “something that’s been rolling around in my mind.” Everyone looks at him. “I spoke to Lucia before she left. She said ‘The other branches have been making up for your inattention to the woman who has more impact on your lives than any other’. I was too ashamed to say shit else, but I’ve been wondering what she meant by that.”
“And?” I ask. This is me, channeling Mando. He tried to make you think. I’m trying to make these idiots think about the fact that they collected an assload of money then tried to buy Maria a damn cookbook holder. Jesus Christ. A cookbook holder. Both insulting and inappropriate.
He shrugs. “I still don’t know.” Deuce bites his lip then reaches for the phone and dials.
“Yo!”
“Yo! Mack!”
“Sup, homie!”
“Kickin it’. Look, I got a question for you. You had Maria there. Was she happy?”
Mack laughs. “Homes, if we didn’t have Lucia, we’d have kept her. She is fierce!”
I look at Tony from the corner of my eye. He’s listening carefully.
Mario smiles. “Yo! Mario here. What did you guys get her as a goodbye gift?”
“Why?”
“We’re trying to think of anniversary gifts.”
“Smooth. We finished off her husband’s present.”
Mario’s shoulders slump. “Which was?”
Silence, then, “Please don’t tell me you don’t know, homes.”
“No clue.”
“That’s fucked up.” Mack sounds pissed. “That woman lives with you and you didn’t know her husband bought her a Wüsthof every year?”
“No.”
“Damn. Y’all deserve to lose her. Yeah, every year on her birthday he bought her one Wüsthof knife. Expensive fucking knives but they’re the best in the world. Trenton, Atlanta, and NYC all finished off the set. Trenton replaced the Chef’s knife and bought her a sharpener. A-town bought the custom knife case, and we popped for the Deli knife. She has the complete set now. Boston bought her an iPod. Y’all finish the hook up in her prep area?”
Every man in the room is silent. Even I’m ashamed to realize that I didn’t know that. I look at Thomas and he’s red.
“Yeah, we did. Thanks for making me feel low, Mack,” Thomas says.
“You deserve it. Shit, we’d never allow Lucia’s birthday to pass without taking her out to dinner and dancing or doing something nice to say thank you. So you need an anniversary gift?”
“Yeah.”
“Which anniversary?”
Mario looks. “Would have been the 20th this year.”
Mack hums. We hear him typing. “Aigh, here’s what I would do. If you want to celebrate her husband, then that’s china or platinum. I got no ideas there. She into knick knacks?”
“Nah. Not that we’ve seen.”
“OK. So if you wanna celebrate her anniversary with you, that’s what? Fifth?”
“Fourth.”
“Perfect! That’s electronics so get her an iPad. She played with Javi’s while she was here and she loved it. That works for both anniversaries, plus she can put pics of her husband on it. You wanna get her something nice, get that.”
“Those things are expensive as hell,” Antonio said, getting pissed. “I don’t have one and I’m not buying one for the cook.”
Silence in the room. Every man is looking at Tony, pissed. Mack, however, is really pissed.
“Then don’t eat another thing she cooks, with yo’ cheap ass! Shit, you could get her the mid-size iPad with cell for about $800. There’s 80 of you. That’s $10 each. $10 for the four years of service she’s given you? You ain’t shit, whoever the fuck you are.”
I love Thomas’s cousin. He’s democratic in his dislike and he made being in NYC worth it. I hated busting his ass open on the mats but hey, I’m equal opportunity. He fucked up and he paid the penalty. I built him back up though, just as Mando always did for me. ‘Don’t tear down what you can’t rebuild,’ Mando always says.
I look at Mario, who’s nodding. “Mack’s right. We’ve collected $600. Everyone pops $10 each and we’ll ask Teddy G to get one and make sure he gift-wraps it for her. A little something something to say thanks for the past four years.”
I nod. Good gift. It’s not a tie.
I slide off to the bathrooms. Those urinal cakes smell nice but I’m betting Tony did a half-assed job. I can’t wait to hand him a toothbrush and make him redo it. Hmmm . . .
1200 finds me outside looking at the windows. Tony and Nacho are exhausted. I’m amused. These guys wouldn’t have survived the military. Mando was a corporal. He learned how to clean with a toothbrush. I know. I served under him. When Mando wants to put my ass back in line, he simply looks at me and says, ‘toothbrush’.
“They’re streaky.” Silence. I look over and they’re glaring at me. “Fix your faces. After all, I remember you doing this to Rafe once. ‘It’s hard to see out the windows. They’re streaky’.” I mimic Nacho, who reddens. “Clean ’em right.”
“And if we don’t?”
I turn around, smiling. “Push me.” I turn to Tony and hand him a toothbrush. “Nice job hiding the built-up piss under the urinal cake. Now clean it the right way.”
By the time it starts raining at 1400, the windows are clear. The better to watch the rain.
Thomas and I are holding the fort and we’re enjoying it. Staff meetings are much more enjoyable. The men know I’m not Mando. I’ll fuck you over and take pleasure in it.
“Report.” I’m in Mando’s chair at the head of the room and looking down the table in amusement. I’ve often wondered if there was a personality attached to this seat. This is the only time Mando usually channels Ranger.
“There’s been an uptick in security installs. We’ll need to look at monitoring and make sure we have the capacity,” B reports.
The reports pretty much continue in that vein. All our services are growing like mad, except one.
“Bodyguard services is steady.”
“Why?”
Antonio looks cool. “Excuse me?”
“Fart elsewhere. Answer my question.”
The men snicker while Tony reddens. I despise this underling. I wish to God I’d not convinced Mando to just allow his cousin to fill the position. Mando was desperate to find someone else. He knew better but he listened to his partner. He listened to me and I steered him wrong here. Fuck.
“Our services are holding steady. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Plenty wrong with that when you consider that monitoring and installs are growing. Plenty wrong with the fact that you’re holding steady. Steady means you’re losing as many clients as you gain. Why?”
“I can’t determine who the mole is.”
Everyone quiets. This person is just asking for the beating of his life when we figure out who the fuck he is.
“Latest loss in individual contracts?”
“Ruiz’s. Signed with SecureMan. I couldn’t convince them to change their minds.”
If this mole is a Liam-style turncoat, he’s a dead man. That’s eight to SecureMan. I’m investigating, separately, and getting nothing. I can’t figure it out and I’m no slouch. I did this in NYC. I know how to uncover a turncoat.
I dismiss the staff meeting 15 minutes later and walk into my office to find Mariela there, smiling. “Here.” She holds out lunch for me and Thomas. Thomas is also babysitting and running errands whenever Mari needs it. We love Alyssa and, as her godfather, I’m always happy to spend time with her. Thomas is Elena’s godfather. We love our girls.
I grin. “Thanks. You’re a life saver. Heard from Mando?”
Mari starts crying. I’m stunned, and scared, and I hand her my handkerchief and pull her into a hug. Tony passes and his eyes widen. I close the door in his face.
“Everything OK? I need to go rescue him from NJ?” I’m just teasing on that last part. Mark’s ass needs a rescue. Mando should be OK.
Mariela looks at me, smiling. “He’s fine. Better than fine. You’ll see soon.” She giggles. “I’m getting my husband back.”
I can’t help but grin. “Come on, give me a hint.”
She smiles. “Pre ‘RangeMan Tony’ Mando .”
My smile drops in shock before I start laughing. “You’re kidding? Please tell me you’re not kidding.”
She grins. “Tell no one. I’m not kidding. Ms. Plum is a miracle worker. The Mando who returns to Miami will not be the one who left.”
“I can’t wait to see it,” I reply, smiling. I wave at my lunch. “I need to babysit the girls tonight?”
“Please. I need to go handle some things.”
“No problem. What time?”
“1800?”
I nod and Mari leaves. I sit and open my lunch. Mari is a fantastic cook. Rice, beans, grilled grouper, salad with avocado. I call Thomas and he joins me, all grins. We’re eating well. The other men, well, it depends.
If the other men have a woman in their life willing to cook for them, and willing to follow RangeMan standards, they’re OK. So most of the leadership is OK. My mom taught me to do laundry years ago, so my laundry is fine. Thomas is in the same situation.
Tony’s mother showed up with meals for all the other men who had no other recourse. All the heavy, labor intensive meals that Maria used to cook and I could tell the housekeepers’ war had an influence. The men actually thanked her each day. Mrs. Delgado was stunned and Tony was amused. Thomas and I were amused that he didn’t allow anyone to treat his mom the way he treated Maria.
Too bad I’m an asshole.
Mando and I let them enjoy it for two weeks, then I called Bobby and asked him to order Jackson to pull a pop health assessment. They all flunked. Running, sit-ups, push-ups–those heavy ass meals from Concepción Delgado meant they were sluggish.
Tony’s mother and her meals are banned from RMMiami. They’re back to starving, especially since Bobby told us in a staff meeting that we will get his attention sooner rather than later. We know what that means. He’s going to land here sometime in the coming month.
Thomas and I laughed our asses off. I’m sure Tony suspects I’m behind it but I’m enjoying fucking with him.
He drove his cousin, my partner, mad. If what Mariela says is true, and I’m getting old Mando back, I’m more than willing to [help him] drive his cousin insane until he’s fired.
Maria’s POV
Lula and I got out of the building after breakfast. I’ve been wondering if it would be appropriate to tell Lula she looks lovely. She’s lost 10 pounds, 15 since she arrived in Texas, and she’s stunned. I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. She’s beautiful no matter what size she is.
I’ve taken special trouble to make sure her meals are nutritious and delicious. I’ve gathered from Bobby that when she visits Mrs. LaPierre, Mrs. LaPierre feeds her traditional Louisiana cuisine. On one hand, it’s full of fresh veggies and meat.
On the other? Etouffe? Gumbo? Jambalaya?
So Lula has a built-in diet fail, especially since she loves her future mother-in-law and her food is outstanding. Lula brought some gumbo back to San Antonio and, I have to admit, it was delicious. I could see why Lula couldn’t help herself.
So I pulled my old recipe collection and finally found a recipe that was 350 calories as opposed to the traditional 900 calorie salt bomb. Lula admitted it wasn’t as good as Mrs. Carol Jean’s.
“Hell, nothing is. That woman can cook. Yours is damn good and if I hadn’t had hers first, I’d like it.”
I smiled. “OK. So, when you’re here in San Antonio and you and Tank really want some gumbo, this will do. It’s within guidelines.”
“OK, I can work with that.”
I start looking for ways to rework all Lula and Tank’s favorite meals. I find a lightened version of etouffe and prepare it for Tank and Lula. Tank later returns the bowls to the prep area. I look over and he smiles.
“If asked, I’ll deny it, but that was excellent, Maria. Now, if my mother asks, I don’t know you.”
I laugh. That was a lot of words for Tank and it was all a compliment. I feel wonderful all day.
First time in a long time that anyone in Leadership Core has complimented me. I guess making meals they can eat helps.
Today we’re headed to the mall. The stores won’t open until 9 am, but this is something I used to do to lose weight.
“Nothing’s open,” Lula says, looking around in confusion.
“I know. We’re going to window shop for a while.” She looks at me as if she smells a rat and I smile. “OK, so we’re going to exercise too.”
“Aw hell, you’re gonna ruin the mall for me,” Lula says, looking pained.
I laugh. “Nope, come on. I’ll show you.”
We enter near Macy’s and start walking. “I did this when I noticed I gained some weight. I’d come to the mall and walk. You walk this mall once and that’s a mile.” Lula looks at me in surprise. I nod. “So think about it. We walk the mall and scope what’s on sale. We make plans, talk about the things you need for your apartment upstairs, the wedding, what the building needs, all that stuff. When the stores open, we’re the first ones here. We shop and exercise at the same time.”
We’re moving now. I’m setting a brisk pace and Lula’s huffing a little to keep up with me.
“OK, I’m with you, but you walking too fast to look!”
“Well, we know what’s in Macy’s. Only thing to know there is women’s fashions are on sale. No need to waste time here. Look around.” Lula looks. The mall is full of women like us, both powerwalking and window shopping. “These are the super shoppers. They know what’s on sale. Let’s catch up and talk to them.”
I catch the woman in front of us. “Hello!”
She looks around. “Hi.”
“I’m Maria and this is Lula. We’re new.”
“I’m Andrea.” We wave and match Andrea’s pace.
“What’s on sale around here?”
“Well, Victoria’s Secret is having their semi-annual bra sale but Danielle, the manager, said the good stuff won’t come in until Thursday. Bath and Body works is having their ‘buy 3, get 2 free’ thing but all the scents I like are online. Lane Bryant’s semi-annual Cacique sale kicks off next week and all their good stuff goes the first day. Neiman Marcus is having a white sale.”
Andrea continues listing all the sales. I’m nodding and making a mental list of places to go. I look over at Lula, who is stunned.
“How do you keep up with all that stuff?”
Andrea squints at her. “You one of those people who kinda sorta comes to the mall?” Lula shrugs. “Honey, I walk here every day, rain or shine. It’s covered, air conditioned, and it contains my favorite view.” She grins and we laugh. “You do this for a while and you know when everything goes on sale. The managers get to know you and start telling you about the merchandise. You don’t have to wonder if you’re buying something at the right time. You know you are.”
“Well damn,” Lula breathes, looking at me. “And I thought I was good.”
I laugh. “Stick with me Lula dear. I’ll show you how to shop!”
Tank looks surprised. We returned with multiple bags of things. Sheets and towels for the apartments, clothes (with color!) for Tank and a few pieces for Lula. The serveware for the men also arrived from the supplier so we swung by and picked it up. Lula called ahead and told him we needed help unloading the truck, so Tank’s in the garage overseeing the unloading.
He needs his Escalade. He has to go follow up on a bid and he looks very handsome in his suit. Lula grins.
“Here.” She hands him a beautiful blue paisley tie and I watch Les and Bobby try not to smile. Tank doesn’t hesitate. He removes his tie and immediately puts on Lula’s. I smile. How sweet. He checks the tag.
“Thomas Pink. Nice.”
“I noticed you had a few of them.” She frowns. “That’s not one you already have, is it?”
“Nope.” He kisses her forehead, snags the keys and waves. Lula watches him leave, a completely besotted look on her face. She turns around, but Lester and Bobby didn’t hide the smirks fast enough.
“I got my stun gun.”
Blank faces in place.
Lula nods, satisfied. “Now, y’all got something you need me to do?”
Les grins. “Range time.”
Lula groans. Her aim is lousy.
We start interviewing for the position tomorrow. I had no idea how to evaluate different employees, so Rafe and I got together to talk about it last week.
“I say we give them a practical,” Rafe said. “Let’s not clean for three days, then ask them to evaluate the building. The ones who are best able to identify all the problem areas, have suggestions for improvements, and can work as a team make the short list.”
I brightened. “Yes, and the potential housekeeper will need to make some dish when she arrives that Lula and the Leadership core will taste. After all, this will be Lula and Tank’s home branch. They need to like her cooking.”
Rafe smiled. “I agree. I think that you may want to include some of the men, like the housekeeping committee, on that taste testers’ panel. They will be the ones eating her food most of the time, especially if the Leadership Core decides to open more branches. The men need to like her food too.”
I nodded and we started making a list of things to test the prospective housekeepers and maintenance men on. We are strategic in the areas we leave untouched and we inform the men not to clean in those places.
We’re ready to test.
The first couple is the Silvas. They are polite and chipper and very thorough. They find every speck of dust and dirt in the building. Even better, Lula and Tank enjoy their meals. We sit down, all six of us, and discuss what the requirements are to work here. They seem very interested and I leave thinking that they might be the winners.
I called it too soon.
Each couple and individual who walks in is very much like them. The housekeeper makes tasty meals, and the maintenance man is excellent at finding dust and dirt and working as a team with the housekeeper. Rafe and I are stymied.
The final couple of the day is the Williamses. From the beginning, I don’t like them. They’re interested in the building, but overly. I look over and Rafe looks concerned too.
“So, how long have you worked for the company?” Elizabeth Williams asks.
“Long enough to know we ask the questions and you answer them,” Rafe replies. She blushes and turns back to examining the building.
We take them to the prep area and show them the stocks and supplies. I ask Elizabeth to get started on two sample meals using the ingredients I have for her. She looks confused.
“I didn’t realize I’d have to cook.”
I stare at her. “We aren’t simply going to take your word that you know how to cook healthy, tasty low-fat meals. You have to prove it. One meal for the leadership, another for the men.”
“So, are you required to serve the branch leaders in their offices?” John Williams asks.
“No,” I reply coolly. “Your wife would be a housekeeper, not a maid. You set the meals in the break room and everyone serves themselves. You only deliver a meal if one is called for.”
“Oh.”
“We’ll leave you to it,” I reply. Rafe and I leave and run directly into Lester. He opens his hands.
Six bugs.
“Good call, Maria, Rafe,” he whispers in our ears. Rafe sent an SOS message to Lester and Bobby the moment we agreed something was wrong. He hands the bugs to Ches Deuce.
“Well?”
“Let them finish. I want to see how well they bug the room. How much time does she have?”
“One hour.”
Les nods. “We’re recording everything. Take a break.”
We return an hour later. Mrs. Williams has prepared a risotto and baked a chicken.
The risotto is like glue. The chicken is undercooked. Tank and Lula appear and pick at it.
“What the hell is this?” Lula asks. I hide a smile.
“Risotto,” Elizabeth Williams replies, looking affronted.
“It looks like snot. I’m not eating it.” Lula pushes the dish away and stares at Tank, who is examining the contents of his spoon.
“I must agree with my fiancée. Les? Bobby? What do you think?”
The Williamses turn around to find two Glocks in their faces. “I think these two had better tell us who they are and they better start talking fast,” Bobby says.
It’s silent in the room. The Williamses turn back to us and everyone except Lula has drawn a gun. She looks around in annoyance.
“Y’all ain’t fucking fair. I’m the only person here without a piece.”
“Lula.” Tank’s voice is tight and angry.
Lula looks at him, blinks, and gets up. “Well, if I still have a vote, my vote is hell no on them,” Lula mutters, sashaying from the room.
I look around and stand, putting my Glock 26 back in its holster. “I think I should scoot and let the men do their thing.”
“I’ll come with you,” Rafe says quickly, also sheathing his gun. He turns back to the Williamses. “I think it’s pretty clear we won’t call you back for a round two.” We leave; I’m in giggles and Rafe is amused.
I never see the Williamses leave, but Les and Bobby later pat me on the back. “Good looking out for us, Maria, Rafe.”
“No problem,” Rafe replies. “After all, Ranger told us this might someday be a possibility.”
My hands are still shaking but I nod. “Yes and now that someday has come, I feel better.” I smile. “I know I can handle it and I’ll be alive at the end.” The men smile and I look back toward the prep area.
“I feel like having a chocolate cheesecake to settle my nerves, though. You think Lula might want a piece?”
Bobby and Les laugh. “You really needed to ask that? Tank proposed with a cheesecake!” Bobby says.
“OK, serious for a moment,” Les says. “There’s been a slight change in plans. Ella’s coming out later because Steph moved her clearance up. Who would you say was your number one pick?”
Rafe and I retrieve our sheets and look. “The Silvas. The first couple.”
Les nods. “Lula liked them best and the men liked their food. OK, we’ll give them the month-long trial.” We stand and Les kisses my cheek and shakes Rafe’s hand. “Thanks for everything.” He grins. “Miami v. Texas?”
Rafe and I look at each other and nod. We’ve discussed this time and time again. “Texas.”
Lula, Rafe and I are returning to Trenton tomorrow and all of RangeMan San Antonio has decided to throw us a party. She is genuinely shocked and surprised by the way the men hug her and ask her when she’s coming back.
“I’m not staying,” she says, trying not to cry. “I just need to pack up my apartment and get some things settled. So I’ll be gone for like a month.”
“Well, come back soon. We’ll miss you. Plus, Ms. Maria is leaving too,” Gonzo says. He looks around. “I mean, once you ladies leave, it’s back to being a sausage factory around here.”
Lula and I fall out laughing. Ches Deuce hits Gonzo in the head and Bobby, Tank, and Lester all slide their blank faces into place.
“Ouch! OK, sorry, but for real. Look around. No women. Lula and Maria are cool.”
“I agree, dumbass, but I’m not a member of the sausage factory.”
“Really? I’d ask what you’re packing but I don’t want to know.”
Every man is laughing at this point, including the leadership. Lula looks around and smiles.
“Thank you,” she says quietly. “I feel like, well, not a RangeMan but like I belong. First time. I appreciate it.”
“We appreciate you,” Gonzo says, hugging her. “Come back. If it takes you longer than a month to move, we’re coming after you.” He looks at me and Rafe. “We’d like to come after you too. Hurricanes don’t really seem to be your thing.”
“We’ll see,” Rafe says, grinning at me. “I have to admit, Texas isn’t so bad.”
“HUA!” the men cheer, and we both laugh.
I go to the prep area to get the cake and Lula follows me and shuts the door.
“Maria, I need to speak to you.”
“About?”
“Why did you leave Miami?”
I sigh and sit down. “It’s a long story.”
“I got time.”
I look at Lula and realize I’m not going anywhere until she knows what happened. So I start telling her about my time in Miami, how much I grieved my husband, and how I didn’t realize how badly I was treated until I left. Lula nods and passes me tissues. She glares wherever any man sticks his head through the door. Tank sticks his head in, looks at us, nods, and leaves.
“So you got bullied?”
I sniff. “I was harassed.”
“They ever tell you you would lose your job if you didn’t sleep with ’em?”
I’m horrified. “No!”
“Then they bullied the hell outta you.” I nod. “I know the difference. Steph’s cousin, Vinnie the pervert, he sexually harassed me and Connie ’til we set his skinny ass straight. They bullied you. The difference is the sex part.” She sits back. “Now, that I know. I know workplace laws that deal with sex.”
“So, based on what you know . . .” I’m searching for a way to ask this. “Was what happened to me illegal?”
Lula sighs. “Nope. Shit was wrong but not illegal. Course, I ain’t a lawyer, so I could be wrong but I know this.” She sits up and glares at me. “When you head back there, in one or two weeks, you better not let them do it to you again. If you do, I’ll beat your ass and theirs!”
I laugh, but she’s serious. “I mean it. I hear that Ms. Ella and your co-workers did a number on those men and they’re ready to see you and apologize. They’ve been bullied and they didn’t like it. Still, the ones who did most of the bullying, they’ll do it again. They’ll wait until no one’s paying attention and they’ll be back at you. So you better be ready to beat the shit outta them. Got it?”
“Got it.” I reply, nodding once.
“I mean it. You too good a woman to allow any man to treat you just any way. Armand wouldn’t have liked that. He wouldn’t have allowed any man to treat you like that, right?”
“Right!” I’m getting fired up. Lula is good at raising my spirit.
“And I know that because I know my Tankie would beat the shit outta any man who did that shit to me. That’s assuming that’s all he did. I’m thinking that, if it was me, a bullet in the brain might not be enough for Tank.”
I smile. She’s right about that. Tank loves Lula and really adores her. He watched the men like hawks to make sure no one was disrespecting his fiancée, but it was unnecessary. The men here really like Lula. She’s funny and upbeat and she’s learned all their names. She likes them too.
“Now, I might be about to stick my nose in too far here”–I laugh and Lula grins–”but you gotta man ready to be yo’ new sweet thang the moment you decide you’re ready.” I frown in confusion and she grins. “Rafe.”
I know I’m blushing. “Rafe and I are just good friends.”
“Uh huh,” she says slyly. “And I’m betting if you gave Rafe some encouragement, he’d like to be better friends.”
I laugh. “I dunno . . . “
“Y’all both lost a partner. You both know how lonely life is without someone. Just cuz you start stepping out with him, it don’t mean you love Armand no less. Just means that you gon’ live a little more.”
Lula stands up and picks up the cake.
“Imma leave you here, but I make no promises ’bout this cake.” I laugh and she leaves, smiling.
She’s right. I’m ready.
I’ll not be bullied ever again. No one is going to tell me how to do my job. I’ve had four months in other branches and not once did any man ever tell me I didn’t know how to do my job. They helped me with whatever I needed, they treated me like an expert, and they were appreciative. That’s the treatment I expect.
Lula is right. Armand would not have tolerated what happened to me. So, in his honor, I’ll never allow anyone to bully his wife ever again.
Now, about Rafe . . .
Week Four
Diegos’ POV
Thomas joked that he’s going to start praying to Steph Plum.
I feel him on that. I went and lit a candle for her the Monday after the email came out, and me and the chapel don’t see a lot of each other. I swear I love Steph Plum. She will remain one of my favorite women until my dying day.
I can see what Mariela meant. Mando came back and I saw the man who originally took over RMMiami. This Mando didn’t need my help. I slid right back into my place as his second and waited to see how he would handle things.
When he slammed Tony to the floor and told him to get out of his office, I was stunned. Thomas and I stepped away, laughing silently. That man was on and accepting no shit from anyone.
When I saw the email with my elevation, I was stunned. Stunned, thrilled, and ready. Interim XO for three months?
What does Plum worship require? I need to call Hal and get a list of her favorite things right now. She’s giving me a chance to clean up this branch, fire every difficult motherfucker here, and show I can be an XO? I know I’m going to be under watch now.
The windows will be cleaned twice a day.
I headed off to Mando’s office. I figured that my sincere congrats would be welcome and it was. Best part? I got to swing my balls from jump. Every man in the building knew his ass was in trouble from that moment on.
I will fire. You bastards aren’t going to drive me crazy. Fuck with me if you want to. I’m ready.
I spent Tuesday at Mando’s, helping him pack. His family was mostly silent, a first. They seemed a little afraid of Mando. Thomas had point in the office and he swung by and picked up Alyssa and Elena and took them back to RangeMan to babysit.
He said graveyards were noisier than the office.
It was the first time I’ve ever seen Mando’s family defer to him. They stepped to him with respect in his home. They asked permission before they did things.
I’m sure I looked stunned but hell. I was looking at a miracle. Best part? Mando was cool the entire time. Anyone even looked like they were about to get out of line and Mando gave them a look that said I dare you. Mari was clearly thrilled. She was the queen in her home again and she gave out orders like it.
Tony and Chita were banned unless they were there to help pack so, of course, they didn’t come over.
Off-duty men from RMMiami showed up to help me pack Mando while he and Mari met with the realtor. Mrs. Cortes showed up, wanting entry, but she froze at the sight of me. She and I don’t really get along and she knew she wasn’t going to get any farther than the driveway with me standing in the door.
She and her sister turned right around and left.
I told Mando about it when he returned and he merely smiled and nodded. We finished packing Mando and helped him load the U-Haul. I promised to help keep an eye on Mari and the girls while he went and established himself in Charlotte. He thanked me and I hugged my partner, my brother, my boss, and wished him well. He smiled and clapped me on the back.
“You too, man. You too.”
Thomas reported that every man, except those in the leadership, was nervous as hell. They know I’ll fire and they spent the day worrying about their performance. Thomas said Tony never left his office. He’s a scared man right now. He knows I’m waiting for him to screw up.
One week later
Wednesday. Julio decides to get smart in the way only a stupid person can.
“Diego, the men have a petition to present to the Leadership Core.”
“You’re missing a word off that sentence.”
It becomes a stare down, me seated at the head of the table, fingers pitched, mentally laughing. Julio turning red and angry at the other end of the room.
“Diego, the men have a petition to present to the Leadership Core, sir.”
I smirk. “Haven’t learned the lesson, huh?”
His jaw ground. “SOPs state—”
“You have the required 70% of signatures?” Silence. “Thought not. Next order of business.”
“The petition is about you.”
“You’re missing a word off that sentence.”
“The petition is about you, sir,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Appropriate. You aren’t a member of management, so you present at ‘New Business.'”
We handle branch business. Finally we get around to ‘New Business’. “So you have chosen to present a petition, about me, to the Leadership Core? Thereby bypassing two levels of management?”
“Two?” Antonio says, confused.
“I’m interim XO, with the power and authority, but Armando is still, officially, the XO of Miami. You still have to present this to him. Did you present it to him?”
Mario raises his hand. “OK, Diego, can you explain how it works?”
I shrug. “I have the ability to make all decisions as the XO. My orders and decisions carry XO weight. However, Armando is still the legal, official signatory for RMMiami. I run all my decisions by him during our daily call.” I smile. “Because this is my opportunity to show the CO that I’m ready for other duties, as she may assign”—every man smiles except Tony—”Mando is not overturning my decisions. However, if you want to present a petition about me, you present to him. He’s still my boss and he has the right to make decisions about me. If you don’t present to him, Ms. Plum would be the next step.”
I drop my blank face in place and look at Julio. “You don’t present directly to Leadership Core in any circumstances. They aren’t your first step. They’re last and the last time you men presented to them, against management advice, you initiated a colossal fuckup. You might want to think about slowing your roll with those petitions.”
“We still want to present the petition.”
“70% of the men sign on?”
Silence.
“Meeting dismissed.” I stand and close my folio. “Julio?” He looks over. “Mats. 1800.”
He swallows hard and leaves.
1700-2000 is a busy time for me. Everyone gets 30 minutes and I took a leaf from Hal Linden’s book. I don’t thrash. I destroy.
Every day, mat time reduces by half.
“Yo!”
“Yo? Is that how your mother taught you to answer a phone?”
I grin. “Maria! Hello. No, my mother hates when I answer with ‘yo’. I’ll have to put you on the family ring tone so I don’t answer with ‘yo’.”
She laughs and I’m thrilled to hear it. She sounds so happy. “I hear you’re in charge of Miami. Congrats.”
“I doubt the men agree with you.” We both laugh at that. “How can I help you?”
“Ella has recalled me to Trenton for a week, so I’ll be home next week.”
“OK.”
“I’m giving you a heads up. I’m coming in one week before Stephanie does and Bobby’s coming in the day after me.”
I make notes in code. Excellent! I’ll tell Thomas and we’ll prep. “Thanks, Maria. We’ll prep.”
“What do you think, Diego? Should I come home?”
I exhale heavily and sit. “Honestly, no. I think that if you love San Antonio and you feel it’s right for you, you should stay there. Or you could transfer to Charlotte. I don’t think Miami is quite ready for you yet.”
“You’re not just saying that because you hope to transfer here, right?”
I grin. “Nope, not just saying that. I truly mean it, but come home and assess for yourself.”
“I am. Stephanie is staying for a month. So the men will have five weeks to prove they want to keep me.”
“I’m sure they’ll try their best.”
“Yo!”
“Yo.” Lester. I sit. “Why did Julio call me with some bullshit petition?”
“Good question. It concerned me?”
“Yes.”
“I’m clear to fire?”
“At-will.”
I call Julio to my office.
“I got a call today.” I’m sitting back, fingers pitched. “From my boss.”
Julio pales.
“He informed me he got a call about and I quote, ‘some bullshit petition’, unquote. Care to explain?”
Julio swallows hard. His hands are shaking.
“You think I don’t talk to my boss? You think you can just bypass me and that shit will be ignored?”
Silence.
“I guess you didn’t believe the rumors I would fire, huh? OK. Let’s make them a reality. You’re fired. Hand over your RangeMan badge, gun, and any licenses held in our name.”
“You don’t have the authority.”
“Fine. If he doesn’t, I do.” Mando. Cold as ice. Julio’s eyes get impossibly wide. “Julio, you’re fired. Hand over your RangeMan badge, gun, and any licenses held in our name.”
Julio is stiff and frozen.
“Don’t take all day, Julio. I have other shit to do here in Charlotte.”
Julio swallows hard and starts removing items. I send the email to Atlanta and they start wiping Julio’s access. I confiscate the guns, badge, keys, licenses, and key fobs. An email from Silvio pops up. All our gear on his cars has been removed.
I slide a folder in front of him, from Candace Taylor, containing all his official separation paperwork. I walk him through signing each piece then call Thomas to my office and hand it to him to copy. Thomas returns minutes later with the copies and I motion for Julio to stand.
“I’ll walk you to the exit.”
“I know where it is.”
“I know you do but no need for you to make any detours.” I stand and Mando disconnects. Thomas sends the official email.
—————————————————
To: RangeMan Miami
From: The Interim XO
RE: Julio Ramirez
Please be advised that Julio Ramirez is no longer a member of the RangeMan brotherhood. He is not to be given access to our systems, told company business, or treated as a ‘RangeMan’ brother. Failure to comply will result in your separation.
Diego Garcia
CC: the Leadership Core, the CO, the CIO, the head of HR, the Charlotte XO
—————————————————-
One down. Nine more (on my personal list) to go.
The walk is silent. Julio is completely red. I walk him to the garage and watch as he exits for the last time. I walk back inside and every man is silent.
“Who’s next?”
Julio was the first of three. I was on a roll. Julio, Rico, and Chris. Insubordination, each and every one and although I got the credit, Mando actually did the firing. A compromise between us: Mando was desperate to do it. “I should have done this long ago. I love that the CO is giving me a chance, but I still want to clean up Miami.”
Not a problem for me. It’s my face they’re looking at as they hand their shit over. It’s me saying ‘you’re fired’ first. I recommend the terminations and we both execute them.
Mando wants to be here, in person, the day I have grounds to fire Tony. He’s determined to handle that one personally.
The news got out quick: Diego does not play. ‘Sir’ should become a part of your vocabulary. Don’t step to him with bullshit. Keep your mouth closed, head down, and do your fucking job.
Mat time is down to zero. Unnecessary now. The last man to get mat time with me was on bed rest for a week.
Around the company, RangeWorld is the second most interesting item. The commanding officer’s clearance is at the top of the list. Thomas and I get quiet updates from Mack. She’s blowing it out of the water. Thomas and I grin and consider what to send her. It has to be appropriate.
Thomas suggested RangeMan bikinis. I asked him if he’d give that to Ranger. He grinned and said yeah but the boss would look weird in a bikini.
Fool. I nearly pissed myself trying not to laugh.
We brainstorm with Mando and realize that buying a gift for a woman is tough. It has to be appropriate, it has to be memorable, it can’t be cheap or tacky, and, in this case, it has to be something that would be appropriate if it were a man in the position, which sucks. Stephanie Plum is not a man and I don’t want to buy her a subscription to Guns and Ammo or Concealed Carry Magazine. I mean, that would be appropriate (if unnecessary) for Ranger, but boring to her. I don’t think getting her a subscription to Cosmo or Vogue would go over well.
Worse, it’s something we have to ship to Trenton or hold until she arrives here.
So, what to do? What to do?
Finally, we have a gift and it’s something we can do when she arrives. We grin and start brainstorming for a gift for Maria’s return.
