Chapter 46: I NEED More Information
Javier’s POV
I’m stuck. I need to make a decision now, but I can’t. I don’t have nearly enough information. Worse, my boss is looking at me with barely concealed irritation. Her eyes drop to my pen and I stop tapping. I’m sorry, Steph, but I can’t do it. I just can’t make snap decisions like that. What if it goes wrong? How do I justify this if it ends up blowing up in my face? This branch has had enough problems. I don’t want to make a wrong decision that puts it back on the ropes again.
We’re in my office, trying to determine the best use of the money Steph’s advanced me to get this branch back up on its feet. It’s me, Steph, Manny, Diego and Adam, and we’ve been discussing this for the past 2.5 hours. I’ve been amused by Steph’s obvious hatred of the furniture in here. It’s Les’s aesthetic. Low-slung black leather chairs with no arms and a metal frame. I offered her my chair and she turned it down. That was two hours ago and she’s eyeing my nice comfy office chair now. I offer it again and she shakes her head, jaw clenched.
“Let’s review the facts,” Manny says. “We have $5 million we can play with and three options. First would be to invest in the business investigations unit at a greater level, hire more techies and solicit more business. We’re already receiving quite a few inquiries on this service and it looks poised to grow further.”
This is true and it’s a real money maker. Plus, it simply requires the men to take their assignments and work at will. Positive: I don’t need more office space. This is a job the men can do from home. Negative: I need way more men for this.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Diego is glaring at me. I still my pen. He told me to get rid of the nervous tics. My blank face is excellent but the pen tapping (and the foot tapping) drives him insane. Plus, it’s another weakness. Easy for him to say. I think the blank face is his standard. Tapping my pen is the quickest way to get his attention sometimes.
“Second. We can grow the personal investigative services. The demand for this is sky high and it is a proven money maker in Trenton. We have more work there than we can keep up with. If the growth in NYC mirrors Trenton at all, this could be positive for the branch.”
Again, true. However, NYC is not Trenton, so I can’t base this decision on what’s going on there. NYC is a different beast. We are an elite security firm, not Remington Steele. Plus, there are a million wannabe and retired detectives in this city. It’s a tight market and we would need to make sure that our clients come to us. Finally, requires far more men than I currently have.
Manny’s staring at my baseball again. That signed baseball from Alex Rodriguez is one of my most prized possessions and, as a Yankees fan, I know he’s desperate to nick it. I’m amused. Dude, I have eight burglars in this office and they haven’t managed it yet. Good luck.
“Third. We can move into the security and threat assessments in greater force. This is a good move because we can leverage our assessments to sell more monitoring contracts, which don’t require as much work. However, it will require a sales team who knows what to look for. This is where we can really leverage some of our more ‘interestingly backgrounded’ employees.”
Everyone smiles. Manny’s reference: my burglars. They would be naturals at this. However, every single one of those guys is too smooth. Clients would definitely be wary of them. Plus, I can’t see spending $5 million on that effort alone. It’s overkill.
“Any other options?” I ask.
The entire group looks dumbfounded. Diego blinks, then looks at his notes.
“Nope. Well, not at the moment. I’m sure I can think of some other stuff if I spend some time at it, but . . .” He trails off, looking at Manny. Everyone has put their blank face into place and is staring at me.
I’m looking at the notes on my options. There’s simply not enough information here, and I’m being asked to bet on this branch’s future. I’m not a gambler. I don’t need a sure thing, but I need a ‘not likely to end on the mats’ thing. An option I can live with. I’ve said it time and time again: I’m not creative and I don’t like making a decision without sound, strategic information. What does the ground for these options really look like? I need more information, some sound market research. I need to be able to justify this to Lester when—not if, but when—he asks. Finally, I look up at Steph, who is looking at me in confusion.
Steph looks at everyone. “Everyone, give me 15 with Javier.” Everyone nods and leaves the room. Steph looks at me. I can feel the blow to my pride coming, but I’m surprised by her again.
“Tell me your thought process, Javier. Help me understand why you’re holding off on making a decision.” Her voice is soft and does not contain any censure.
I blink. Understanding. That’s new.
“Well, I like option one. It’s a new service, something unique, and it’s not a crowded field. Only problem is it requires more men than I have. Plus, is it going to continue to grow? We don’t have any research, no market material to back up this assumption right now.”
Steph looks thoughtful now. She abandons the chair for my couch and grins. It’s soft and comfy. It’s also hard to escape once you’ve been sitting for a while. Les set this entire office up as a psychological exercise and I’m always amused watching people fall into the traps.
“I like option 2 because it’s in line with our core offerings. However, there are a million guys in NYC who can do that. It’s a default career for a lot of NYC officers once they retire, so it’s actually a pretty crowded field. I don’t want to invest in this without understanding what that field really looks like. Plus, as I keep telling Manny and Diego, NYC is not Miami or Trenton. No matter what, some fields are going to be crowded and this is one of the most crowded.”
Steph nods and motions for me to continue.
“I like option 3 most, but I can’t see spending $5 million on it. That’s overkill investment, and I want to use the money wisely and as fully as possible. I think I can train some of my men to handle this option and we can get out there in force on this, but I’d actually like to have a few women on this one also. I hear that was one of the things you helped the Trenton men with, and a woman’s opinion can help close the deal.” I smile. She’s struggling to escape the couch. I’m biting my lip not to laugh. “My guys who would be best at this definitely look a bit sketchy.”
Steph laughs. We’re both staring at our notes, silence in the room. Manny sticks his head back in and, without looking up from her notes, Steph says, “Five more minutes, Manny.” He nods and closes the door. Finally, she looks up at me.
“You’re cautious. You’re more cautious than I expected.”
Yes, I’m extremely cautious. I have friends who went to Wall Street as high flyers. They’re now unemployed because their firms, their colleagues and their bosses made big bets that failed. They laughed at me for taking this job, but I still have my house and car and 401(k). They don’t.
No one is going to hold me responsible for taking the branch down. Not a chance.
Steph raises her head and blows out air. “Let’s break for lunch. You have a Core Team. Do you trust them?”
I nod. Yes, I trust Manny, Diego, and Adam. I wish I could keep them.
“Then sit with them. Open up about your thought process. Listen to their assessments. And listen to your own gut. What’s it telling you? If you aren’t sure, call someone else you trust.” Steph stands with her notes and gives me a small smile. “I’m going to lunch. We’ll talk about this again at 4PM. OK? That gives you most of the afternoon to decide which direction to take.” She grins. “Who decorated this office? Les?” I grin. “I thought so. Designed to make people uncomfortable or to trap them.” She shakes her head. “I’m contacting a decorator.”
I laugh. I can feel the pressure easing off. I have five hours to make a decision on the future of this branch.
I hope Manny and Diego feel like salads today. I don’t think my stomach could tolerate anything heavy.
Steph’s POV
Now I see what Manny meant by ‘slow to make a decision’.
Javier’s slow in the way you say ‘dinosaurs are extinct’ or ‘Joe is hairy’ or ‘Ranger is magic in bed’.
We went back and forth for 2.5 hours before calling it quits. I’m mentally exhausted and my back has a kink. I put ‘Call a decorator!’ at the top of my To-Do list. I wait until I’m in the car with Hector and the audio monitoring is disabled to finally blow up.
“Jesus Christ! You’d think I was asking Javier to make life or death decisions! I think his management style is to wait for the last man standing. Just wait to see who or what lasts the longest and whatever’s left is the winner. He never makes a quick decision! He would have waited forever if I didn’t tell him to make a decision by 4PM today!”
I continue to blow up for another 20 minutes before Hector decides he’s had enough.
“And this is different from your decision making style how?” Hector asks, eyebrow raised. How did he manage to con me into letting him drive? I guess with the way I’m feeling right now, it’s the smart move.
“I can make a decision. I make decisions all the time. Big decisions, small decisions, I make decisions every day.”
“The importance of decisions is personal to the individual making them. To you, company decisions are not big decisions so you don’t have a problem making them. So you make unimportant decisions every day. Decisions that aren’t personal. Decisions that don’t affect you.”
“That’s not true. Every decision I make affects this company and they are big decisions.”
“Now you make big decisions. OK, I’ll accept that. Tell me, Steph, before you became CO, what was your management style?”
Uh oh. I’m starting to feel a breeze, a big one. A skirt-raising one. My spidey senses are buzzing ‘Danger! Danger!’ Hector is rarely this serious. Where’s that black pillowcase?
“Am I right in saying that your management style was decision by attrition also? If you didn’t get the skip today, try again whenever? Try harder closer to the deadline? Even knowing that catching skips was your livelihood, you were slapdash doing it. Miss him today? Go home, take a shower, eat a doughnut. Tomorrow is another day.”
I have no reply for that. He’s right but I don’t think that’s fair. My skips are wily. I have a theory: the smaller the bond, the harder to catch.
“For you, catching skips was not important. Your livelihood was not important. Not life and death important because it was just you. You just needed to have a place to live and to pay your bills, and if you needed food, you ate at your mother’s. If you needed more money because things were getting tight, you came to RangeMan.”
I look over at Hector in horror. He shrugs.
“I’m the only person outside Leadership Core who knows that. I was the one who set up your permissions, and I saw an email once where Ranger gave permission for you to work whenever. No one has ever said anything and Ranger would never have admitted. I simply figured it out.”
I’m still embarrassed Hector knew. I turn back toward the New York traffic in front of us. So far, I’m not liking this conversation, and I’m not sure where Hector is going but I have a feeling it’s about to get much worse before it gets better. This is another ‘black pillowcase’.
“My point is that once you became CO, the decisions you made about your job became much more important. You make your decisions quickly, but decisively, based on the information you have at the moment. You don’t procrastinate decisions affecting the company. You’re in charge of more people and your decisions have a greater impact. It’s not just you anymore.”
Hector pauses and negotiates a tricky turn. “The same goes for Javier. He’s slow to make a decision because he wants to make the right decision. He wants to examine all possibilities and look at all alternatives. Once he makes a decision he’s OK with it because he knows he made the best decision he could with the information he had. It’s the one thing that’s kept him alive as an XO. Whenever Lester asked him to justify his decisions, he always could on facts.”
We travel a few more blocks and hit the Williamsburg Bridge. I’m thinking about what Hector has said so far. I know there’s more coming.
“Now, my dear Angelita, for the part you won’t like. I got mad because you are being a hypocrite.”
I’m stunned by that. Me? A hypocrite? “How?”
“Let’s examine your personal life.”
Let’s not, Hector. Please, let’s not. The spidey senses are doing ‘fight or flight’ motions on me. The pillowcase is coming down.
“How long will it take you to make a decision about Joe and Ranger?”
Oh shit. No. NO. I want out the car. NOW.
“So far, the city of Trenton has been waiting on this decision for four years. I think the pot is somewhere around $90,000, even money odds. No one understands what’s taking you so long. It’s a process of attrition, as you say. You’ll be with the last man standing. That’s all anyone understands. So they’re waiting to see who wins, who’s still standing.
Lately, with the men having disappeared and you working in management at RangeMan, the pot has tipped toward Ranger but everyone agrees that they’ve seen this before. And before you ask, there are no RangeMen in the pot. You know we don’t tolerate that internally, but we can’t stop everyone else.”
The tears are falling silently down my cheeks. Hector passes his handkerchief.
The entire city of Trenton is betting on my life? They have no fucking right! It’s not any of their business! It’s my business who I’m with and no one, NO ONE, has the right to bet on my life, especially not my love life!
“The decision is big. It’s important. It’s life or death. And you are messing with the lives of four people in making it.”
Right! Damn right. Wait, what? “Four?”
“You, Ranger, Joe, and whoever marries the loser in your three-way relationship,” Hector replies.
We travel for a few minutes before Hector continues. “Now, think about what I just said about Javier. Deliberate. Wants to make the right decision because it’s big to him, because it affects more people than just him. Wants to examine all possibilities. Looks at all alternatives. Is OK with the decision once he makes it because he’s making it on facts. Does that sound like what you’re doing with Joe and Ranger?”
I think about it. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing. For the first time, I actually can do this. I’ve never had this opportunity and I’m taking it. I finally get to examine what life with Ranger will be like and he’s finally giving me some hope that we can have a relationship.
“Does Javier’s reluctance to make quick decisions make sense to you now?”
“Not really. I mean, I understand compared to my life, but I don’t.”
Hector sighs. “Javier treats business decisions with all the importance that you treat the decisions over your personal life. New York is a city that glorifies quick, decisive decision makers but eats failures alive. He’s seen what could happen and he doesn’t want to be the man at the helm who led the ship into the iceberg, if you get my analogy. His experience tells him to move slowly, be as close to certain as he can get, and to be able to justify his decisions.”
Hector pauses and takes a quick slug of water. “So, let’s take the analogy back to you. You made a quick decision to marry Dickie based on incomplete information and pressure from outside sources. The ‘Burg ate you alive when the marriage failed, right?”
“How did you know that?”
Hector stares at me. “Common knowledge.”
Oh. Right. I nod. Is everything about my life common knowledge? I mean, he’s right; that is true. I had to hear clucking ‘sympathy’ and well-meaning but unwelcome advice for weeks when I divorced Dickie. Some of it still hurts, which is why I don’t like to think of it. Even Mom and Mary Lou thought I should attend marriage counseling and try to work it out, if I wanted to stay married. The only thing I wanted to work out was the image of Dickie’s pale ass with Joyce on my dining room table. Dad was the only person to pat my shoulder and offer his pistol. If needed.
“This time around you’re taking your time, reviewing all the information on your candidates that you can get. You’ve lived with Joe, met his family and friends I assume, and you know what life with him will be like. I assume that, for the moment, you are rejecting that path and investigating what life with Ranger will be like.”
I nod. I think the worst is over. The black pillowcase has been removed. Being partnered with Hector has been the best move anyone could have ever made. Hector helps me think through things without being judgmental. Hector is blunt and to the point, but he isn’t judgmental.
“So you’re running his company, which gives you insight into the kind of man he is and the kind of people he surrounds himself with. These will be the people closest to you in your relationship with him. You haven’t met his family yet but you have met his daughter. What kind of relationship do you and Julie have?”
“Excellent. I love Julie and can’t wait to get down to Miami to spend time with her again.”
Hector nods. “So no stepmother-stepdaughter issues between you two. The only things up in the air are the kind of relationship you’ll have, and by that I mean will it be sanctioned in the church, and if you two decide to have children.”
I sigh. “We’re both divorced, Hector. No church sanction.” I’m still nervous about those issues, Hector, and there are a few more outstanding.
Hector shrugs. “Ok. Anyway, that’s what I mean. Slow, deliberate process reviewing all the information at your disposal and making a decision based on facts. Now, because we’re talking about people and relationships, you have to allow for a certain amount of unpredictability because we are talking about emotions.”
Hector smiles. “Love is rarely sensible but marriage? Marriages that last are based on sensible standards. Do we get along? Do we share the same values? Do we support each other? Are our goals in life similar? Are we able to make decisions together and can we disagree and still be OK with each other? That sort of thing.”
I nod. My first clue that Dickie and I weren’t meant to last should have been the fact that we could barely get through Pre-Cana and even then I’m sure we both lied at certain points. I did about birth control and household duties.
“So, although I sometimes wish Javier could make a quick decision, I don’t fault him for moving slowly. He likes to make sure he has facts and can justify his decisions. However, I agree with you that he can’t use this as a basis for moving like a snail on every decision. He needs some standards, a threshold to encourage him to make quicker decisions. No idea what it could be but he needs one. This is where you can help him, Angelita.”
True. I’ll need to think about setting a standard for Javier. Perhaps a money or time threshold would work. If the decision is under a certain amount of money, or he’s been considering it for X number of days, he can make the decision with the information he has. That might encourage him to make quicker decisions and give him a way to justify it if it goes wrong. I write that down as something to consider.
I love my partner. I never want to have anyone else as a partner besides Hector. I wonder if he’s suggesting I need a threshold for making my decision on Ranger. I’ve chosen Ranger but I don’t know what life with him will be like. That’s what’s up in the air now.
“When did you become an expert on relationships?” I ask.
Hector goes blank faced. “As a gay man, with my reputation, I’ve always been the bridesmaid. Never the bride.”
For some reason, that brings tears to my eyes. No one deserves a loving, faithful partner more than Hector. “Never come close?”
He shakes his head. “As a Reyes, I had to keep that part of myself hidden. Homosexuality is a killable offense. I’ve only been divorced a few years and I’ve spent that time working and trying to set up my life outside the gang. Ensuring that Hector Manuel is taken care of if something happens to me. Listening for chatter against me or Ranger.” He blows air out, as if he’s forcing himself not to . . . cry? “I understood what I was as a teenager. It took a long time for me to accept it. Trying to find someone has been on my back burner.”
“Divorced?” Hector’s been married?
“Separated from the gang.”
“Oh.”
“Where were you all morning?”
“Errand.”
We continue to ride in silence, me thinking about Javier’s and Hector’s situations. And, honestly, my own.
Javier’s POV
I’m looking at Manny and Diego. They’ve returned to my office and they have both put their blank face into place. Adam is catching up on work from Danny and has to bow out, but he’ll join us for lunch. I take a long exhale and motion for them to sit.
“Look, you both know I’m not creative. I copped to it weeks ago. Steph called me cautious before she left and she’s right.”
Manny nods. Diego makes no motion to acknowledge my statement. I sit back and try to think of a way to explain myself.
“My best friend is a guy named Jorge. We grew up together, graduated high school, got into Ivies. Coming from the Bronx, that was big shit. I went to NYU, he went to Columbia and we both graduated with honors. I wanted to go into government, work for the feds, but he went to Wall Street.” I smile wryly. “Lehman Brothers.”
At that, both Manny and Diego have a ghost of a smile on their face. Now they know how this story ends.
“Yeah. Exactly. I went to SecuritySystems while waiting on my security clearance and found I really liked the work, really enjoyed what I was doing, but I wanted to be able to leave the moment my security clearance came through. Took two fucking years, but I finally got through. I went to DHS, hated it, and came back. Meanwhile Jorge was a Wall Street high flyer. Derivatives trader making major bank. He was one of those guys that got vilified when it all came crashing down. He was one of the many guys putting together mortgage backed securities.”
Now Manny and Diego are nodding. I need to wrap this story up.
“I stayed here, like the turtle with my predictable if fun job, making $80K once I got into management. Basic middle class salary in NYC, but I bought a house, a nice car, and could afford to take my girlfriend out on weekends. Jorge was living it up until it all crashed, not baller status, but he helped the family, proposed to his girl, that sort of thing.” I look at my legal pad and shake my head.
“Jorge made big bets during the boom, huge bets. You gotta remember, he had insider information. He worked in the industry and he invested heavily in what he sold. When it all came crashing down, he had less than nothing. Bankruptcy, foreclosure, not just for him, but his mother too. And his sister. He was paying for his niece’s convent school education. It was bad. Jorge now works as a mid-level analyst. $65K.”
I shake my head. “His family barely speaks to him because they lost homes and money betting on his bets. His girlfriend disappeared. She threatens to have him arrested every month for coming up late on child support, and the courts haven’t gotten around to his case to modify because he no longer makes $250K. Seeing his daughter takes major negotiation and his ex uses the child as a bargaining chip. She was looking forward to the huge wedding and the lavish honeymoon. She’s still pissed she paid all the deposits and it never happened, but she was in it for his money. Everything he had was taken away when the job and the money were gone.”
Manny whistles at Jorge’s fall. It was a huge loss.
“I tell you this story so you understand my thought process. I watched my best friend crash and burn because, at the end of the day, he didn’t have enough information. He was a player in this market and he was still playing blind. There isn’t a single person in this country who truly understands that derivatives crap everyone was buying into, but one tiny island in this country precipitated a financial collapse felt around the world.”
The guys are nodding now. I run my hands through my hair and blow out a breath. This part coming up is the part everyone has trouble with when it comes to me.
“For the men who work here, RangeMan is the world. I have a responsibility to them. I have to make sure I completely understand what I’m betting on, what I’m moving the branch into. I don’t want to be Jorge, making bets on incomplete information. His situation still hurts my heart. That man is a shell of the guy I grew up with, all because he bet wrong and didn’t know it.
The guys who work here, we all know that they probably couldn’t get hired anywhere else. If I bet wrong and take this branch down, they’re unemployed. I fail them. I cause a collapse in their world. Some of these men are just getting on their feet, just getting a chance to prove that they are more than their reputations.”
I pin Diego and Manny with a glare and I’m pleased to see each of them squirm minutely.
“I will not fail them. I will make sure that every move I make means that they remain employed, that they can do what’s best for their families. If it means that everyone in management looks at me with exasperation, so be it. But I’m not moving until I’m sure I’m right.”
I sit back and think about Jorge. I need to call him tonight, make sure he’s holding up OK.
Manny looks thoughtful. “Jorge. What’s his background?”
“Marketing and Finance.”
Manny smiles. “I’d like to meet him.”
Diego and I look at him in confusion.
“Trust me on this. I have a feeling. Is he available for lunch?” Manny asks.
I shrug and text Jorge. Yeah, he’s available. He was just RIF’d this morning. Cutbacks. I tell Manny.
“Serendipity. Let’s go.”
