Chapter 37.5: Hector v. Edna: the Truce
Hector’s POV
Wednesday night’s dinner at the Plums’ set a record for the most times I’ve ever been tempted to vomit in my mouth. Only my training and my desire to assess the Plum parents prevented me from coming back at Edna. Plus, I had nothing. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to pull intelligence for Ranger that I haven’t had a chance to assess the ground conditions in my war with Granny Mazur.
Now, I have a plan. I’m going to flip the old lady tonight. I think she gets the idea about not touching me. I noticed that she not only refrained from pinching and patting me, but she didn’t touch a single RangeMan at dinner. I only noticed because all of them were watching her. They were waiting for it.
I don’t want to break Edna’s spirit. Far from it. Edna is Angelita in 50 years, so she makes a good baseline on how far I can take my Angelita before she breaks. Now that it appears that Edna has the idea about appropriate touch, I can move forward with my plan. I check on Angelita. She’s in for the night, although she looks pale and tired. I intend to execute this part of the plan on her next, but I’ll test it on Granny Mazur. Let’s see how this works.
I spend some quality time in the bath. Shower, shave, cologne layered on. I’m looking good and smelling right. I deliberate one of my seldom used ties and pull my freshly pressed suit. Ella looked confused when I explained tonight’s plan but she nodded. She doesn’t understand all the implications, but I’m ready. I head to the garage and slide into my Lexus. I’m sure if Ranger knew what I was up to, he’d raise an eyebrow but he’d support me. And ask me if I was wearing my cup, just in case.
I cruise over to Angelita‘s old apartment. 5PM. Right on time. I head up the stairs and knock on the door.
“Who is it?”
“Hector.”
I can hear the latch being pulled and she cracks the door open, staring at me in confusion. I have a bouquet of roses and I’m dressed to kill.
“You’re not hiding a machine gun behind those flowers, are you?” she asks. She can’t raise one eyebrow either and the effect is comical.
I shake my head. “May I come in?”
She opens the door fully and steps back. I enter the apartment and stand in front of Angelita‘s old couch. She joins me in the living room in confusion.
“I have reservations for two at Campo’s in Philly tonight at 7 PM. Will you join me? I have a situation I’d like to discuss with you.”
Yes, this is exactly how I expect Angelita to respond. Complete confusion. Then, the difference between them: no questions from Granny Mazur; she has a hot date tonight! She’s gonna get ready. Thirty minutes later, I’m looking at a decently elegant Granny Mazur. She’s decided to pair a long skirt with a tank top blouse and a silk overshirt. Contrary to popular belief, not all gay men get fashion. I certainly don’t, but I do understand personal grooming. Granny Mazur has bathed in Stephanie’s perfume.
I hide a smile. Well, she’s trying.
Edna takes the roses from me, sniffs appreciatively (I bought scented roses. Those cost a grip!), and smiles. She can’t find an appropriate vase for them, so she empties Angelita‘s cookie jar and fills it with water. I smile; that’s a more appropriate use for the cookie jar. She hunts down her purse, keys, and a small cell phone and turns to me.
“Well, I’m not getting any younger. Let’s go!”
The drive to Campo’s is quiet. Edna seems more interested in examining my car than in talking, for once. We arrive at Campo’s just in time for the reservation. Campo’s is a dinner and dancing club, and the one thing I love to do is dance. Not just Latin dances either; maybe I should consider auditioning for Dancing with the Stars?
We are promptly shown to our seats and we take time to peruse the menu. Now that we’ve arrived, Granny Mazur is intent on examining the dance floor. It’s full of couples of all ages tonight. She turns to me, a big grin on her face.
“Can you dance?”
I smile back. “Would not have brought you here if I couldn’t.”
“Are we gonna get on the dance floor?”
“As soon as we order.”
She immediately begins looking around for the waiter. I’m amused. Edna is truly Angelita without the restraints, which is saying something. Finally our waiter appears.
“Welcome to Campo, ma’am.” It’s John, a long standing server. I spoke to him earlier today to ask for his help and I can see that, although he’s confused, he’ll continue with the plan. “Is this your first time here?”
“Yes,” Edna says, smiling.
“Wonderful! It’s always a beautiful thing to see a man take his grandmother out on the town for an evening of dinner and dancing. Would you like some recommendations on the menu?”
Perfect delivery. I pretend annoyance while Edna’s eyes get big. She looks at me, amused, waiting to see my response. I have none. That was intended to put Edna on notice that it’s assumed that we’re related, just in case she got any wild ideas about trying to feel me up on the dance floor. Looks really odd to grope your grandchild in public.
“He’s not my grandson,” Edna says. “Are you trying to say that I can’t date a handsome man like Hector? That I can’t be a tiger?” She turns to me. “It is tiger, right?”
I’m laughing in my head. “Cougar.”
“Right,” Edna says to John. “Are you saying that Hector wouldn’t be interested in a cougar like me? I still got it.” She wiggles a little in the seat.
I’m mentally rolling on the ground in laughter. John pretends embarrassment while hiding his amusement. I’ll have to tip him extra for this. “Oh no, my apologies, ma’am. I’ve known Hector for years, and I’ve never known him to bring anyone here except family.”
Edna looks at me and gives me a sly smile. “Oh really?” She grins. “Hector, are you planning to add me to the family?”
I give her a small smile. “You are Stephanie’s grandmother. You are family.” Edna attempts to raise an eyebrow again (that’s just hilarious) and smiles back. I love this. She has no responses for my comments.
John walks Edna through the menu and Edna orders a full meal, plus dessert. Definitely her granddaughter’s grandmother. A foxtrot starts up and I stand and extend my hand to Edna, who grins big.
“Madame, would you care to dance?”
Edna is no slouch on the dance floor. We foxtrot and jitterbug before the appetizers arrive and waltz and tango before the entrees. Edna has a decent command of almost every dance and she’s attracting attention. Older gentlemen approach the table twice during dinner to ask her to dance and she immediately hops out there with them. I’m enjoying watching her have fun. Some of the men are slipping phone numbers to Edna, and she’s flirting with every man she sees.
This plan will work to perfection on Angelita.
Tonight, I need to accomplish two things: One, I need Edna to stop scaring the Trenton RangeMen. They are Angelita‘s first line of defense, and it’s untenable that my brothers are hesitant to follow Angelita places because they are frustrated by Edna’s bony fingers. Fear of Edna is dangerous for Angelita, and I’m sure she’s never thought of it that way. I intend to ensure that she does understand it before this evening ends.
Two: I need to ensure Angelita has familial support. Mr. Plum is not my preference. Nice that he’s finally deciding to jump in, but he has a long way to go with me. Mrs. Plum is definitely on probation. Until I see more support from her, I will not encourage Angelita to spend more time with her. I’ll accompany Angelita to more dinners and see if Pod Mom has it together. One dinner (delicious though it was) has not changed my mind.
Edna finally returns to the table, flushed and happy. “Hot damn! I never knew about this place. How long have you been coming here?”
“Years.”
“Why?”
“I love to dance. I want to bring Stephanie here. I think she will enjoy it.”
Edna fans herself while looking at me. Finally, she sobers up. “OK, you’ve been holding out on me. You said you wanted to talk business. What do you want?”
I sit back and smile. Dessert is arriving, just in time, and while Edna savors her cheesecake, I consider how to approach this. We’ll start with Issue Two.
“You are aware that I am Stephanie’s partner, yes?”
Edna nods, having finished the cheesecake.
“It is my duty to protect her and guard her from all threats, but she must do her part by learning to protect me, watch my back. Part of my job relies on ensuring that she has adequate support and encouragement around her. The men of RangeMan are working with her daily to bring her up to our standards. That includes physical fitness, weapons training, and defense training. We are also teaching her the skills she will need to know to work in the security industry, just in case she decides to leave RangeMan when Ranger comes back.”
“Why would she leave? She’s moved into your building. She’s running his company. She loves him. Doesn’t he love her?” Edna looks confused and unhappy.
I shrug. Ranger’s feelings are not mine to discuss, but it’s good to know that Angelita does love Ranger. Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve had any definitive confirmation that she did until now.
“I think he has feelings for her, but you have to understand his position. Stephanie cares very little for her own life. For men who work in security, Stephanie’s nonchalant attitude toward her life is disturbing and discouraging. We love her more than she loves herself.”
Edna sits up, offended. “That’s not true! Stephie does love her life. She doesn’t like to be told what to do and you men are good at that! Always telling her what to do, where to go, how she should behave—”
“Is that us? Or The Cop? Or your daughter?” I ask, then consider another alternative. “Or your late husband?”
The air and the fight leave Edna. She’s quiet now, sitting back in her chair.
“You see, that’s the difference between support and being smothered. We at RangeMan support Stephanie. We’re not The Cop or your daughter. We’re not telling her to quit and stay home and have babies. We’re not telling her to give up, apply at the button factory and be like every other girl. We admire her grit and determination to do this job. But if she’s going to do it, we want her to do it in a way that shows that she cares about living.”
I sit back and sip my coffee. Edna looks deep in thought.
“Stephanie is very good at finding people, but she keeps getting hurt. Back on Haywood, there are 40 men who have small heart attacks every time something happens to her. We don’t mind partnering her in order to ensure someone has her back, but we can’t be the only ones who care about her life. She needs someone else to point out to her that she can’t keep running in halfcocked.”
I lean forward and take both of Edna’s hands into mine. ” Do you want to bury your granddaughter?”
Edna’s face goes completely white. I get the feeling that no one has ever put it that bluntly to her before. Tears start rolling down her cheeks and I pass her my handkerchief. I give her a few moments to pull herself back together.
“I don’t want her to die,” she whispers. “I’ve never been as frightened as I was when we found out that Con Stiva had locked her in a coffin. I almost wished I could blow up the funeral home all over again.” She smiles, but it’s shaky. “I’d do it, but then I wouldn’t have anything to do on Thursday nights.”
I smile. OK, that’s amusing. Selfish but amusing. I’d blow the funeral home up time and time again.
“Exactly. You understand where I’m coming from, right?” Edna nods quietly. “I don’t want to attend her funeral, and I’ve already told her this. I think she’s pushing herself to meet standards at the moment because she knows that I won’t accept anything less, but I can’t be the only person helping her. She needs to know her family supports her too.”
“We do support her. You should see Frank and Helen,” Edna says, perking up. “My daughter has finally put a leash on her mouth about finding Stephie a man to marry. Every time she looks like she wants to go down that road, she takes a deep breath and gets quiet. I couldn’t understand it. I thought an alien had taken over my daughter.”
Hmm. Now, that is interesting intel.
Edna looks at me and smiles. “They really do want to support her, you know. I think actually seeing her with her leg broken made it real how easily she could be hurt. I know it did for me. We don’t do emotions in the Plum-Mazur family, Hector. Helen’s nagging and Frank’s pats, that’s how her parents show they love her.”
I snort and Edna grins. “Yeah, my husband wasn’t big on showing emotions and neither is Frank. And neither is Ranger, for that matter, so the cycle continues.”
Now that makes me stop and think. She may have a point. No wonder Angelita doesn’t see anything wrong with Ranger’s lack of verbal support or open affection, aside from a “Proud of you, Babe”. It runs in the family. She’s accustomed to it. It also explains why Ranger’s four-word sentence means more than anything The Cop can do for her. It’s a pat and a slice of cake all in one.
I need to think on this later, and I’ll need to tell Ella what I’ve learned. We’ll need to modify our plans to adjust for this.
I’ve been quiet too long, so I look at Edna. She, too, is lost in thought. I motion for more wine and smile at her. We nod at each other. I have a new ally.
“You are the person she considers her biggest ally in your family,” I tell her. “She wants to be just like you, strong, fun-loving, undeterred by age or circumstance.” I smile at her. Edna is grinning again. “I often hear her mutter that she wants to be just like you when she reaches your age.”
Edna laughs. “Well, I can either have fun with what I’ve got or moan about the fact that my husband gambled away all our money, leaving me with nothing. I don’t have much of a choice. I have to go with what I’ve got.”
I smile. “Exactly. You and she have the same attitude toward life: ‘I’ll work with what I have’, which is very healthy.” I lean forward and take her hands. “Edna, what I need is someone in her family who is willing to remind her to keep living. To do her best and not settle. I need someone willing to encourage her to succeed.”
Edna sits back and takes a sip of her wine. Eventually, she smiles. “Hector, you don’t fool me one bit. What you really want is someone to tell my granddaughter to grow up.”
I blink, contemplate a lie, then smile. “Yes. That’s exactly what I want.”
Edna laughs, a big hearty laugh that draws attention. “You know, that’s what I like about you. Aside from the fact that you fear nothing and you’ve got big balls, you say exactly what you mean. You aren’t much of a liar, are you?”
“Not where my life or Stephanie’s life is concerned,” I reply. I sip my water and smile. Edna finishes her wine while I pay the check. I leave John a $50 tip. I assist Edna out to the car and consider how to broach Issue One, my brothers-in-arms.
“I do have a second topic to discuss with you.” Edna looks over at me. “The men of RangeMan Trenton.”
“Oh? What about them?”
“I know you love patting their bottoms, but I really need you to quit that,” I say baldly. Edna blinks in the evening light.
“Why? Hector, that would take away my fun,” she pouts.
“True, but it puts your granddaughter in danger,” I reply.
“How?” she asks, surprised.
“The men consider you a menace to their backsides. Aside from the fact that you pinch hard enough to bruise, it’s very . . .” I grope for the right word, “weird to be felt up by a woman old enough to be your grandma. It feels odd and scary. They don’t have a response for it. They won’t do anything against you because you are Stephanie’s grandmother, but at the same time they’ve learned to ask if you’re going to be around if they have to guard Stephanie. That’s a problem, a big one. The last thing I want and need is for the men of RangeMan Trenton to go on strike. If they refuse to guard Stephanie because you keep pinching their bottoms, then that leaves Stephanie without adequate protection.”
The men would never go on strike, but I want her to stop. Now.
“Yeah, but they would never do that. They love Stephanie and besides, Ranger orders you to guard her.”
“No, actually he doesn’t. Maybe he did when we first met her a few years ago, but at this point, it’s entirely voluntary. The men guard her because they love her, but they trade off shifts when you’re involved. They keep a running list of who’s been pinched last.”
I look over at Edna and find that she’s sobered up again. Good. Now to bring this point home.
“Would it be appropriate for a man your age to feel up Stephanie? To pinch her bottom, maybe attempt to grab her breasts, simply because she was with you? Would you be OK with that?”
“No! It . . .” Edna exhales and looks out the window.
Bingo. The point has been made.
“You’re killing all my fun,” she pouts quietly. “I have to admit, I find it funny to watch your RangeMen jump every time they see me, but you’re right. If some old fart tried to grab Stephie’s breasts, I’d shoot him until the gun emptied.”
I grin. Good. “Feel free to continue pinching The Cop though. My request doesn’t cover him.”
Edna laughs. “Looking out for RangeMen only, huh?”
“RangeMan Trenton only, yes. They are your granddaughter’s first line of defense against enemies. They can’t hesitate for any reason.”
The ride back to New Jersey is quiet. Just as we cross the Delaware River, Edna speaks.
“Frank and I are throwing our lot in with you boys.”
I look over at her and wait for her to continue.
“I don’t think Morelli will ever come up to scratch, and I think Helen is beginning to lose hope as well.”
Interesting. All our intel said that it was Angelita who was holding out. I wonder why her family thinks it’s The Cop.
“Ranger has been there for her since the beginning, and I think that Helen is finally willing to give him a chance. Something happened between her and Joseph that she won’t speak about, but I do know this: the attitude that you’ve seen when the RangeMen come to dinner is real.” Edna looks over at me. It’s clear she’s serious. “She finally recognizes that you boys will give your lives to protect Stephie, and now that Stephie is your boss, she’s willing to treat all of you with respect. I think she finally accepted that all of you love Stephie and if Ranger felt comfortable leaving her in charge of a lot of strong men, then she must be accepted at RangeMan.”
Edna grins. “Plus, Frank’s actually started speaking at the dinner table. Can’t remember the last time that happened, but he’s so thrilled to have men at the table he’ll do anything to encourage all of you to come back more often. I think he sees the RangeMen as surrogate sons and wants to encourage you to come more often, in his own way. You can consider his conversation as a pat on the shoulder.”
I can’t help it. I laugh. The visual is hilarious to me for some reason.
The rest of the ride is silent and, as we pull into the parking lot, Edna turns to me with a question I had not anticipated.
“Is that the reason Ranger hasn’t made a move on Stephie? Because he thinks she’s suicidal or doesn’t care about her life?”
Tricky. I need to answer this in a way that doesn’t answer it. Finally, I have a response.
“You remember when his daughter was taken?”
Edna nods.
“Ranger had done everything to ensure that his enemies could not get to those he loved and she was still abducted. She is a child, without resources, without defenses. There was no helping that situation.” I look Edna in the eyes and I see that she’s listening to every word I say. “Stephanie is not the same. She has resources. She could have defenses. The opportunity is there. Stephanie needs to decide if she’s going to take it.”
Hmm . . . appropriately vague. Not bad. I can see Edna understands the context and I relax. I accomplished the goal. I park and open Edna’s car door.
She gropes me.
Sigh. Instead of the outright victory, I’m forced to accept a casualty during the enemies’ retreat. I’ll allow it. I won the war.
I look at Edna, who is grinning at me. “Last time I’ll be able to do it. From now on, I’ll leave the RangeMen alone. Besides, you’ve got the biggest balls of them all. Hard to resist a target like that.”
I smile and shake my head.
She is her granddaughter’s grandmother. Strong. Stubborn. Undeterred.
I escort Edna to the door and do the intruder check. The apartment is quiet and Edna sets her purse and keys down. She reviews her answering machine and sighs. Mrs. Plum wondering where her mother is. Five messages along those lines in one night. Jesus. No wonder Angelita is so happy we screen her calls. She looks at me and rolls her eyes.
“Hector, thank you for the flowers and the good time.” She grins mischievously. “I can’t wait to tell the girls at the Clip and Curl I had a hot date with a Hispanic bad boy my granddaughter’s age tonight. I’ll be the talk of Trenton.”
And somehow Edna has just snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. I’m amazed. Angelita in 50 years. I accomplished my goals but I’m accepting a draw with my target.
The irony forces me to laugh until I cry. I notice that Edna is laughing with me and finally I straighten up.
“Truce?” I offer, extending my hand.
“Truce,” she replies.
“Don’t ruin my rep,” I ask, amused.
“Are you kidding? Who would believe me?” Edna replies saucily.
I kiss her hand and watch as she blushes. “Call some of those numbers. See if you can get another hot date. Let Stephanie know and we’ll double with you.”
Edna grins. “Done.”
“For the sake of the public, the war continues.”
“Thank god!” Edna does a little jig. “Trying to find ways to get back at you has been the most fun I’ve had in months.”
I chuckle and shrug mentally. The ongoing war will give us a pretext to be seen together, besides Angelita’s company. Plus, I am having fun with this. It’s a way to test my theories before application.
With that, I leave. I accomplished tonight’s objectives. I have a new partner in my quest to get Angelita to demand more from my brother, and the target supplied interesting intel I need to consider. My new partner will also know how to encourage Angelita to value her life in ways that I cannot push.
Edna is a crafty old woman. Angelita in 50 years.
A/N: For those of you who read the bonus chapter, you may be wondering if Edna broke her word. Answer: No. Reread the last paragraph of the bonus chapter very carefully and consider who her victims were. Hector worded his agreement very slyly. For those of you who haven’t read the bonus chapter, it will be released after chapter 44, but you have until that time to submit a guess.
