Chapter 57: Nightmare?
Steph’s POV
I’m exhausted. Les and I have been talking quietly about Miami and the situation there. Les doesn’t think we should fire Armando but he does want to know what’s really going on.
“My information about Armando is all over the place, Les.”
Les sighs. “Mine too, Beautiful, which is why I don’t want to fire him. I think something else is going on, especially since both of us have our instincts ringing on Miami. I’m headed straight there from here, to pick up Shane and thrash Antonio.”
“What did he do? Wait, was he the one with the petition about Ella?”
“Yup.”
I commit that name to memory. I’m going to punish him too. I start thinking of what I can do.
Les eventually leaves and I get comfortable in my bed. I’m half asleep, dreaming of Ranger, when the alarm sounds.
My bedroom door bursts open and Manny and Chase run in, guns drawn. I roll out of the bed, grabbing my Glock as I hit the floor. Chase and Manny immediately cover me and Manny’s on the phone to Trenton.
“What happened?”
“Intruder,” Chase whispers.
I hear the yells downstairs and eventually a “Shit, Santos! You know me! Let me go.”
Joe.
I stand up, shaking off Chase. “I know that voice. I know that person. Let me go before Les kills him.” Manny’s standing and moving toward the door and he motions for me to follow him. Chase takes the rear and we all troop downstairs.
Joe is spread eagle on the ground with four guns pointed directly at him. Les’s gun is at his temple and Les’s knee is in his back. Even Jorge looks ready to kill, which amuses me for some reason.
“Stand down.” No one moves. “Les,” I sigh. Les’s jaw clenches but he finally moves off Joe. The moment he does, the guys move the guns to their sides.
“How did you find this place?” Les asks coldly.
Joe snorts. “Is it supposed to be a secret? Burg information chain.” He looks over at me and smile. “Looking good, Cupcake.”
I smile and move forward. “Nice to see you’re still alive. How’d you get in?”
“Picked the lock.”
Joe pulls me to him and hugs me tight. I hear quietly disgusted noises behind me and flip the guys off. “What brings you here?”
Joe pulls his face away and looks down at me. I’ve missed those whiskey brown eyes. “My guy is nearby. No idea why but I thought I’d take a moment to look for you.”
“Were you followed here?” Ranger thought he was being followed. The idea that Joe might have been followed makes me nervous.
“Nah. Need to talk to you.” Joe looks serious. I nod and pull him upstairs with me. The guys look unhappy. We walk into my bedroom and sit on the bed.
“How are you doing, Cupcake? I heard about the job.”
“Thanks. Not bad. I enjoy the work.”
“Catch any bad guys lately?” He smiles and tugs a curl.
“Nah. I can’t until I finish training. I’m ready to get back out there.”
“I’m glad. Steph, I’m proud of you for doing this. I think it’s great. Everyone thinks it’s great.”
“Really?” I smile in spite of myself. “I thought the bookie would open a book just to record how long it took for me to pass RangeMan training.”
Joe laughs. “I shouldn’t laugh. It’s not funny.” We look at each other and laugh. “Well, I’m glad. How long till you pass training?”
“Maybe a month or two. Why? Trying to figure out when to invest in Maalox?”
“Something like that.” He smiles. “And if I give Carl and Big Dog the wrong date, I can help them lose a lot of money.” I flop back onto the pillow in a laugh. Joe stretches out on the bed next to me. “I’d try to make a move here, but I get the feeling Santos isn’t above breaking the door down to put a bullet in me.”
“Safe assumption to make.” I giggle and Joe pulls me close and kicks off his shoes.
“Cupcake?”
“Hmm?” Joe smells of aftershave and cologne. Familiar smells. I smile and cuddle closer. I’ve missed Joe.
“I’ve missed you, Cupcake.” I smile. “I can’t wait for this case to be over.”
“Why?”
“I’m thinking of transferring to the FBI. I mean, I love Trenton and I love working there, but being in the FBI would give me a chance to really fight crime. Besides, you’re ready to leave the Burg now, aren’t you?”
I think about it and nod. Yes, working at RangeMan, I’ve enjoyed not being in the ‘Burg. I’ve enjoyed doing what I want, when I want.
“I think it’s time for both of us to leave Trenton. I mean, why are we there? Family? That’s not enough of a reason to be miserable for the rest of our lives. Trenton will always be there. Family will always be there. We can leave and come home whenever we’re ready.”
I smile. I like the sound of that and I think I’m ready for that too.
A 1000W smile floats across my conscious and I squelch the thought. He’s offering nothing. I’m his? What does that mean? Joe’s proposing to uproot us far away from the ‘Burg and its gossip and I’m ready for that.
“Where would we go?”
“Dunno. Where do you want to go?”
“Newark?”
Joe chuckles. I feel the reverb in his chest. “Not far enough away. I’m thinking DC or Miami. You’d like Miami.”
“I’ve been.” I feel the question. “For work. I loved it. Warm weather, gorgeous area. I could still work at RangeMan—”
“Do you want to work for RangeMan, Steph?”
I look at Joe. “Why not?”
“Well, you’re in charge right now because Mañoso’s missing. When he returns he’ll take over his company. What would you do?”
Good question. One I’ve been avoiding. “I dunno.”
“Think about it. Have you ever thought about getting back into retail? Becoming a buyer again? Or you could bounty hunt with a different company in Miami. Hell, if Mañoso can find something for you to do, you could work at RangeMan Miami. No need to lose all the training you’ve gained.”
I look at Joe in confusion. “You’d support me working for RangeMan?”
He nods. “Yeah. Remember Steph, I said I’d be fine with you working as a bounty hunter as long as you were trained—”
“And competent,” I add coldly.
Joe nods. “Yeah. I know you, Steph. I want you to work with a partner, just as I do. Have the gun and put bullets in it. Be prepared to shoot if you need to.”
We lie in silence and I’m thinking about this. “Is this really how you feel Joe? I gotta say, this sounds like a bunch of bull to me.”
Joe barks a laugh. “OK, I’m thinking you’d do it until we had our kids. I mean, at that point, it would have to stop. Our kids would need a mom.”
“Does that mean you’re going to retire from the FBI?”
Joe looks at me in confusion. “No. Why would I?”
“Because being an FBI agent puts you in danger, just as being a bounty hunter puts me in danger. If I have to retire, why don’t you?”
“Because I’m trained and prepared, Steph. I’m investigating crimes and hauling people to jail. I’m a part of the system. You aren’t. I do my job safely.”
“So this training I’m getting . . .”
“Is great because it’ll keep you alive and if you want to continue to bounty hunt, that’s great. But once we have kids, you have a greater responsibility to them. They come first.”
I don’t like it but I need to consider it.
The breeze blows in and I smell Bvlgari. I ignore it. He’s not here and I don’t need this right now.
“Joe?”
“Hmm?”
“I still can’t cook.”
“Takeout, but Steph, you gotta feed kids more than peanut butter and what-the-hell-ever sandwiches.” I laugh. I can hear movement outside the door. “Are they listening?”
“There’s a camera in the corner of the room. Is it blinking?”
Joe stretches his head and looks. “Yes. Shit. Who’s watching?”
“All of RangeMan Trenton, I’m sure.”
“How do you live like this?”
“You set off the alarm. They’ll watch until you’re gone.”
“I guess putting on a show is out of the question.”
“Completely.” Joe laughs and I roll over and glare at the camera. It continues to blink. I sigh and roll back into Joe’s embrace. “Yeah, they aren’t leaving us alone.”
Joe chuckles then starts moaning. I laugh. The pounding on the door starts immediately.
“Steph!?” Les, sounding pissed.
“We’re fine, Les.”
“Go away, Santos! You’re throwing me off.” I burst into laughter and so does Joe.
“We’re fine, Les.” I call. I hear no movement and I smile at Joe. “This is your future. RangeMan will always be there, close by, just in case.”
Joe shakes his head. “Nah, not for the rest of our lives, Steph. Like I said, I don’t mind you and Ranger being friends, but there has to be an understanding. He has to understand that when we get married he has to keep his distance.”
I’m quiet. “Terry?”
“Is not my girlfriend. She’s my friend. That’s the relationship I want you to have with Ranger. Terry and I don’t share secrets. We meet on occasion and talk about neutral things. Her last vacation, Bob, the Mets. We don’t discuss family. We don’t discuss work. We can’t. There’s a line there.”
“So my relationship with Ranger would be . . . ?”
Joe sighs. “I’d love it if you gave him up. Not because I think he’s a bad friend but because you two have no idea of how to be just friends. There’s always going to be something between you.”
“So you don’t trust me to be faithful?”
“You aren’t faithful now.” I lean back from Joe and look at him in stunned silence. He shrugs. “Look at me, in my face Steph, and tell me you’ve never slept with Ranger.” I’m silent. Joe makes a disgusted sound. “Yeah. I’ve slept with no one else in the past four years. Just you. But you’ve had Ranger. You’d have a fit if I told you I slept with Terry but I’m supposed to ignore Ranger. That’s what I mean. I assume you slept with him when we weren’t together.” I say nothing but Joe reads the answer on my face and sighs. “Exactly. Which is why I choose to ignore it. I ignore everything you do when we aren’t together but I’m telling you now, I’d want Ranger out of our lives if we got married. I’d let Terry go. You’d have to let Ranger go.”
My shoulders slump. The breeze and the Bvlgari are getting stronger so I get up and close the window. I sit back on the bed but I keep my distance from Joe.
I can’t let Ranger go. I love him.
“No you don’t,” Joe says. He looks pissed but calm. “You don’t love Ranger. You love what Ranger represents. Freedom. Options. No responsibilities. That’s not Ranger. You’ll never have anything with Ranger. Even now, he’s not here. This would be your life, wondering where he is, wondering if he’s alive. In the meantime, you’re being followed by his men, your every move under surveillance.” He points at the camera and I clench my jaw to avoid saying anything.
“Being under constant surveillance is not freedom. Being given a list of options to choose from means having to decide from what someone else thinks is acceptable. This is your future, Steph.” Joe gets out of the bed and crouches in front of me. “I’m offering you freedom. We’ll move to Miami. I’ll join the FBI, you can bounty hunt or work in retail, or work for RangeMan. Retire when we start having kids or work a safer job. I’ll be home every night, no more undercover, a happy home life.”
Joe grins and I smile. He’s right. I’d still be able to call my own shots. I could really have it all.
“Plus, no Burg.” He grins. “Our parents would be thrilled. Your mother would love it. You’d be married and we would be thinking about babies at some point. Your dad would be happy you married an Italian. Your grandma would always have my ass to pinch.”
I laugh. Grandma would love it. She did imply that Joe was ice cream.
Ranger was cake. Nothing beats cake. I ignore this thought.
“What do you want, Cupcake? I’ve told you what I want. What do you want?”
I think. “I like my job. I’m not sure how or what will change when Ranger comes back but I like working at RangeMan. It’s fun.”
Joe snorts and shakes his head. “Jesus, only you, Cupcake.” I frown and Joe smiles. “RangeMan Trenton is a Jersey Penal stopover station. I hesitate to think of the rest of the branches.”
I stare at Joe in astonishment. “You don’t know the guys. Most of them are retired Special Ops veterans.”
Joe smiles. “Yeah, and Hector Gutierrez? Jesus, Steph, we’re still trying to put him away. Mass murderer and no one will talk.”
I smile mentally. Don’t mess with Hector. “Well, seems to me that Ranger does more to rehabilitate ex-felons than any politician. He gives them jobs with responsibility and no man is willing to betray him. The men are grateful to be hired and Ranger treats them right. They repay that with their loyalty.”
Joe stares at me then sighs. “If you say so, Steph. OK. What else do you want? Working at RangeMan is on the table for you. Any other jobs?”
I shrug. “I just want to make it through this year doing a good job for Ranger. I’ll think about what I’ll do after later.”
“Family?”
“I’m not ready for kids, Joe.”
“When will you be ready?”
When the condom breaks and we have a massive birth control fail, that’s when. I look at Joe’s face and decide not to say that. “I don’t know. I just know I’m not ready yet. And I’ll never be domestic.” I shrug. “Joe, if you’re looking for me to be like your mom, you’re going to be really disappointed. My idea of a meal will always be a peanut butter and olive sandwich. I’m not ready for kids and I don’t know if I’ll ever be. And I don’t see me as a stay-at-home mom.”
I sit and think for a while. Finally, I turn and look at Joe.
“I love you.” He grins. “But I’ll never marry you.” His smile falls. “In the space of one hour you’ve promised me everything and taken it back just as fast. Ranger and I can be friends but he’d have to be out of my life? That contradicts, Joe. You aren’t offering me options. You’re offering me the same thing in a different location.
You pop up and tell me that you’re willing to overlook the fact that I slept with Ranger, once I might add,” Joe looks astonished, “when we broke up. Yeah, Joe. Once! Not multiple times but I’m betting the Burg said something different huh? And I’m not asking you to give Terry up. If you choose to give up a friend she’s not much of a friend to you. I’d never give up Ranger, or Lester, or any of the RangeMen. You know why?”
He shakes his head.
“Because if I do that, you’ll ask me to give up Lula next. Then who’s next? Connie? A wife who has a woman with Mob ties as her best friend might not be great for your career but I’m not asking you to give up the many members of the Mob in your family!”
I’m on a roll now.
“And how dare you tell me what I want! The level of security in this house is something I agreed to. The guys told me what they wanted to install and I accepted it after we discussed it. I have a partner who I love. I’m not giving up Hector!”
Joe’s face turns white, an interesting look on an Italian.
“And let’s talk about my job. I can work until we have kids? Thanks!” I snarl. “Really appreciate your willingness to allow me to work. Meanwhile, you get to continue to work as a cop. Thanks for the double standard! My job is just a hobby but you do important work, so of course I can quit! You didn’t even think to offer me a real choice or simply ask me what I want! I can work as a bounty hunter until we have kids. Then maybe I can work in retail. Or maybe Ranger can find me something to do at RangeMan,” I say sarcastically.
“Ranger represents no responsibilities? Ranger has major responsibilities! He’s responsible for the livelihoods of over 500 men. He takes that responsibility seriously and so do I! That’s why the guys are here now. This is a leadership retreat. We aren’t just at the shore for fun in the sun!
You know, the difference between you and Ranger is that Ranger always tries to give me a choice. I might not like his suggestions so we try to negotiate. We try to come to an agreement. You just offered me the same thing I’ve always known you wanted, the same list of options YOU find acceptable, but in Miami. Kids, no bounty hunting, and let see, takeout’s OK until we have kids. Thanks! Tell me, Joe, how does your life change if we get married?”
Joe is silent and stunned. “Well, I get to lay off the Maalox . . . ” he mutters. “Jesus, Cupcake, you’ve never told me what you want. What do you want?”
“Tell me, Joe, is that what you want?”
Joe shrugs. “Not really.”
“Then why tell me that?”
He’s quiet. “Fine. What do I want? Marriage. I want a family. I want kids. I want a wife who can make more than a peanut butter and olive sandwich. I want a woman who doesn’t work in a dangerous field, but if she chooses to, she should be trained and ready. I would prefer my wife work inside the law.”
“I work inside the law. Bounty hunters are not illegal and I’m in training.”
“Yeah, but the past four years tell me you aren’t good at it and how long would you continue to work at RangeMan standards without them around to hound you about it? I’d rather you did something else. My worst nightmare involves you chasing a skip at 8 months pregnant. Tell me, Steph, what would you do if you were 8 months pregnant? What would your job be?”
I’m quiet. Joe snorts. “Exactly my point. I’m thinking long-term. I’m trying to figure out what you’d do. You could be a stay-at-home mom, you could work somewhere else, but no RangeMan. I’m going to put my foot down on that one. I know I said I’d be OK with it, but really, I’m not. You slept with Ranger. I’ll never trust the two of you together. If I told you I slept with Terry, would you trust me with her?”
I’m quiet. I see this clearly. This is goodbye. “Yes,” I reply. Joe looks surprised. “I would trust you with her but I wouldn’t like it. Know why I’d trust you?” He shakes his head. “Because I assume you’d take your vows seriously, just like I would. I wouldn’t cheat on you with Ranger. I’ve never cheated on you with Ranger.”
I can feel a set of arms around me and the smell of Bvlgari is strong. I turn, expecting to see Ranger, but no one’s there. I smile and turn around. Joe’s looking at me, smiling sadly.
“It’s over, isn’t it?”
I nod. “Yeah. It’s over.” I love Ranger. I accept that. The arms squeeze tighter and my doodah responds. I miss him. I love him. I love Joe but I could give Joe up. I would never let go of Ranger. Never.
Joe moves forward and hugs me. We stand there for a while before Joe tugs my curl and smiles. “I love you, Steph.”
“I love you too, Joe. Goodbye.”
Joe begins to fade and I stare in amazement. “Joe?” What the hell!? “Joe?” I start calling his name as he fades, waving at me. I hear yelling from the other side of the door.
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“Beautiful?” Les. “Beautiful? Beautiful, you gotta wake up….Beautiful? Steph, baby, wake up!”
I sit up in the bed with a start. I’m breathing hard and all the guys are in the room. Les and Manny are holding me, Diego and Jorge are looking out of windows and Chase enters with two glasses of water. I feel the tears on my cheeks.
Everyone has a gun in hand except Chase. Chase’s gun is in its holster. I look over at the camera. Light blinking. I look at Les.
“Was Joe here?” I ask, holding a hand to my chest.
“No, of course not, Steph,” Les says, looking confused.
“Oh,” I flop back on the pillows. Chase sits on the bed next to me.
“Here, Steph. Drink the water.” I shake my head and he smiles. “I think you might need it. Please. I went all the way to kitchen for it.”
“Kitchen’s not that far away,” I reply. I drink the water and give him a thank you hug.
“It is when you really want to go beat up the bully scaring the boss,” Chase replies. Every man turns to me and smiles.
“Beautiful, why did you think Morelli was here?” Les asks. I watch as he strips down to his boxers and motions for Manny to move. He climbs in the bed with me and pulls me closer. I snuggle in his embrace. Again, Les is doing a good job of comforting me but I don’t smell Bvlgari so he’s falling short.
“Nightmare.”
“Describe,” Manny says, settling in the chair across from the bed. Chase is laying on my other side and Jorge stretches out across the foot of the bed. Pat and Diego are standing and staring at me intently. I look at the camera. It’s one thing to tell Les. Another to spill my guts to all of RMTrenton and all the strategists.
Les sees my face and picks up his phone. He texts something and starts rubbing my back. His phone beeps two minutes later and we check the camera. No blinking. Les looks at the room. “Out.” The guys leave.
“OK Beautiful, tell me what happened,” Les says softly. I start crying and I tell him the entire nightmare, as much of it as I remember. I keep talking until I can’t.
I fall asleep in Les’s embrace.
Les’s POV
I feel physically sick. Beautiful and Morelli? I literally want to vomit. At least she mentally gave him up. I climb out of the bed and tip toe out. The guys are in the living room, concerned. They look at me as I walk in.
“OK. . . Chase, are you sure that meat was fresh?”
Chase’s eyes widen. “Absolutely sure. I mean, it was pink, smelled fresh, no one else got sick, right? No one else is having horrible nightmares about exes, right?”
Heads shake. True.
“Then what in the hell brought that on?”
They shrug. Women are a mystery. No fucking idea here, sir.
I pull my phone, and send a text (ywiNOTfine. Dreaming of cop. Marriage, babies, PB&olives, crying. HELP!). I give him 2 minutes to answer that one. I head to Steph’s room and wait. She’s sound asleep, looking peaceful.
RINGGG. 90 seconds.
“Please tell me that was the world’s worst joke.”
“Nope.”
“Tell me everything.”
I recount the entire fucked up nightmare. Even saying some of those things makes me sick. Silence then “OK, pop psychology tells me that she’s made the mental break with him, then. That was a way of explaining why shouldn’t choose him then letting him go in her mind.”
“Meaning?”
I can feel Ranger’s smile from here. It’s warm. You feel happy. “She’s mine. She’s starting to accept it. She’s standing by her choice.”
“What should we do?”
“Never mention that to me again.” Click.
A/N: I got a PM about Joe and Steph riding into the sunset. I warned you…..but in the end, even I couldn’t write it! I’m sure if I try harder I could…..anyone want me to try?
Sorry to mess with your adrenals like this!
