I Don’t Fight for Me
“It gives me strength to have somebody to fight for;
I can never fight for myself, but, for others, I can kill.”
Trenton, 4 years ago
I’m outside of the restaurant watching him. I’ve been waiting on his arrival for an hour and I’m still uncertain. I’m thinking of trusting my life to this man and I cannot read him. This is a first. I look east. I spotted the first lookout 30 minutes ago. There’s no reason for a well-dressed black man to be in this area, so he’s deliberate. 15 minutes later I spotted a Hispanic, but I know him.
Lester Santos. I recognize him from childhood. He went inside and spoke to the man but left again. He’s sitting in the car.
I haven’t spotted the black man I’m told is his partner, and I’m not moving until I do. I like to know where possible enemies are before I move. It keeps me alive. He should be easy to spot. He’s supposed to be huge.
I check my watch. I’m now five minutes late and I’m told he never waits. I must be interesting. He’s waiting.
“He’s getting pissed about waiting.”
I whirl around, blades in hand, and am confronted with a massive chest and two blades. We immediately start fighting and I realize he’s good. He’s really fucking good. He’s fast, he’s brutal, and he’s keeping me in check so I can’t look for the lookouts.
I’m screwed.
I feel the knife in my back and the man, Tank, immediately stops and tucks his blades into his boots.
“You called this meeting,” a voice hisses behind me. I swallow hard and turn. I’m surrounded.
El Tigre is standing, cold-eyed, looking at me.
“I normally don’t wait.”
“I like life. I was looking for your partner before I moved.”
No change in expression. I look over at Santos and at the other black man. No expression on anyone’s face. I look at El Tigre again.
“You’re a wanted man and so am I. I need an ally.”
No change in expression. “I don’t need allies.”
“These enemies intend to screw your business and your woman.”
“I don’t have a woman.” Interesting that he went there first.
“The white bounty hunter. It’s known you have some kind of interest in her. She’s under watch.” I hate giving up my information, but I need help. El Tigre is my only shot.
“Not mine.”
“Fine. I doubt the cop will give a damn about her life, seeing as he fucked her as a teenager and left her with the fallout. She’s fucking him and he’s disrespected her, and she’s too stupid to know better.”
I could care less about the woman. Fuck her. She’s a dumbass to date a man who’s already disrespected her, but women are often not that bright.
Interesting that this is the first bit of information to get a reaction. “Explain.”
I tell him what I’ve learned so far. The Italians talk too fucking much. The information was convoluted but I made sure to get it verified. El Tigre’s face is calm but his eyes are burning with rage.
“Put ’em away.”
I slide the blades into my boots and walk inside the diner with him. He orders black coffee. I order nothing. I leave no fingerprints or DNA. I watch a lot of TV crime shows, trying to learn what not to do.
His men have disappeared, but I’m not foolish. I know they’re close by, probably listening.
“What do you want?”
“Out. I want to bleed out.”
“Why?”
“I don’t believe anymore. I don’t need them for what I’m doing.”
“Which is?”
I smile. “I’m creative with a computer.”
He sits back and looks at me. “Meaning?”
“Meaning I’ve hacked your entire network. That’s how I know what your enemies are up to. Your computer guy, Silvio, is shit. He has no idea how many times I’ve slipped in and out. If I can get in while I piss every morning, your enemies can too.”
Cold face. “And you can prove this?”
I write ‘General Conyers’ on a napkin. “He has three men slipping in and out of your system daily. I did you a favor and put a block up against your most personal information. He has men working around the clock to get around it. You declined one of his contracts, one for you and Santos. He’s pissed and he wants leverage.”
I’m watching. Nothing, but the eyes are burning black fury.
“I change the keys on that block daily. That’s why you need an ally, someone who knows what the fuck he’s doing. Silvio is good, if you were doing things five years ago. He’s out of date. I’m not.”
“If I decline your favor?”
I shrug. “I’ll keep the block going. You need help. You’ll be successful. I’d like to see one of us make it. But I’m getting out and I’m serious about it. I’d like your help but if you won’t help, I’ll make a mistake. I know it. The more I learn, the more I realize I could make a small mistake that’ll sink me.”
“What do you need?”
I look at him, all pretenses gone. “Protection for my mother and sisters. That’s all. Keep them out of the line of fire. My mistake was getting in. I don’t want them to pay the penalty for me getting out.”
Ranger’s POV
I watch Hector Gutierrez walk out and I signal Tank. He drives up to the door. I climb in and we head off to our temporary office.
“What do you think?”
“Hire him,” Tank says quickly.
I look over. Tank’s serious. “I get the feeling he’s being absolutely truthful.”
“I agree. Loyalty is supreme with him. I might stand at your back, but he would be your Luca Brasi if anything happened to me. He would be Luca Brasi to us all.”
I call Les. Les and Bobby are in a separate car. “What do you think?”
“Hire him. All info I have says Kevin has him over a barrel, but I don’t know why.”
“He’s gay,” Bobby says. Tank and I stare at the phone.
“How do you know?”
“He’s attracted to you.”
“Oh hell no!” Les says and we all laugh. “That won’t fly.”
“He’s attracted to Ranger but not a lot. I’d say Les was closer to his type, but not quite. Calm down. He won’t step to you. He’s lived in the closet for so long that he’d make sure the interest was reciprocal before he moved.”
That makes all my info click together. Homosexuality is a killable offense. If he really wants to move on with his life, he’ll have to get out.
“I’m hiring him.”
And General Conyers and I are going to have an unpleasant (for him) chat.
Hector’s POV
El Tigre asks me to come to his building on Haywood Street. I arrive, early, but he and his partners are already waiting.
“Gutierrez.” They nod at me. I nod back.
“Brown.” The well-dressed black guy. He even smells expensive. He has a manicure and soft looking hands. So why am I thinking that, physically, he’s the most dangerous?
“Santos.”
“I remember you.”
Santos smiles. I have to remember not to respond. He’s not my type but he could be if he dropped 50 pounds. “Why?”
“You loved the Ferris Wheel at Great Adventures as a kid. You talked about it endlessly. You drove me crazy talking about it one summer. I was too poor to go and, when I had enough money to go, I pissed myself in fear.”
They all laugh. Santos bumps my fist.
“LaPierre,” El Tigre says, a small smile on his face.
I snort. He stares at me. “Call me by my first name and you’re a dead man.”
I nod. “Agreed.”
Santos whistles. “Fuck! What do you not know about us?”
“I’m still trying to figure out why you watch porno when I’ve seen you operate in a club. Casanova is a rank amateur compared to you.”
The guys laugh again. El Tigre grins. “Dangerous.”
I nod. “I like to know but I keep my mouth shut.”
“We’ll see.” He waves for me to follow him and I’m quickly surrounded. I’m nervous but trying to hide it. We walk to the 2nd floor. It’s a gym, or it will be.
“Here’s the deal. We’ll hire you as a regular RangeMan.” I’m stunned by the offer and I nod. “You’ll undergo our training. By the time we’re done, you’ll be able to take on anything. In return, fix the system. You live through bleeding out, we’ll talk about permanent responsibilities. Deal?”
I nod. I have my ally. I have to go to Mass ASAP.
Ranger (as I’m now allowed to call him) was not joking about the training. I’m pretty much living with him and Tank, as I’m allowed to address him, 24-7. I’m fixing their network in two hour spurts and within a week, I have it tightened to a point that traffic in and out doesn’t happen without me knowing everything.
Silvio still hasn’t realized I’m in his system. Ranger is pissed. I think I have Silvio’s job when this is over.
Twelve hours a day finds me on the mats or in training with the Core Team, as they call themselves.
Tank has me in the gun range. I wasn’t much of a gunman in the gang and it showed quickly. I quickly find myself with a legitimate gun permit. I’m learning to aim and shoot pistols, semi-automatics, automatics, and rifles. Tank doesn’t give up until it’s second nature to me. He also serves as the man I’m tested against on the mats.
This fucker has a nine inches and 100 pounds on me. I think it’s unfair but Bobby is undeterred.
Bobby takes on training me in hand to hand combat. It’s slow going. I’m deadly with my blades, a remnant of karate classes as a kid, but Bobby takes it to another level. He’s a black belt in karate and he also starts training me in Krav Maga. He doesn’t allow slouching, as I quickly learn, so I apply myself.
“Why Krav Maga?” We’re dripping sweat and breathing hard. Training for the day is over and I’m curious.
“You’re not exactly small, but at 5’9″, you need to be able to disable an opponent and get away in all situations.” He looks at me. “You aren’t violent. You could be, but you believe in the One True Faith, correct?”
I know he’s Baptist, so I’m surprised, and grateful, that he refers to my faith in the proper way. “Yes.”
“So killing will not be your first response. I’m training you to take men down, painfully. Ranger will train you to kill.”
He leaves and I wonder what the cost will be to get out. Will I lose my soul for my childish foolishness?
Les gives me military tactics training. I’m not sure why I’ll need this, but I find it interesting. Next thing I know we’re buying books on classic battles, like Gettysburg, the Battle of Cowpens, the Battle of Thermopylae, and Austerlitz; I quickly learn that any battle where the odds are impossible and success is a result of a ruse ranks high in Les’s book.
I learn to appreciate these tactics and I buy and read some of his favorites. I like what I read and now I understand why Les is underestimated by all. He appears to be a playboy, a good-time guy. Until the blade is at your throat and you’re pissing yourself. He’s not to be underestimated.
I also understand why he and Bobby are partners. They are both overlooked and ignored in favor of Ranger and Tank but they aren’t secondary. They are true partners and they are, as a partnership, both equal and opposite to Ranger and Tank. They are outgoing and gregarious in opposition to Ranger’s and Tank’s aura of silent menace. They appear to be silly and frivolous but if I were in a gun fight, I would be right in the middle of all of them. I would be protecting Ranger’s back with Tank but doing my best to distract anyone from watching Les and Bobby as they flank and open fire.
I understand this partnership. Everyone has a role. They’re ride or die for each other.
Ranger’s lessons are hardest.
He teaches me patience. I’m not patient, as a rule. I’m ready to move, strike, go. I’m about action. Ranger lifts an eyebrow (I learned how to do that quickly) and tells me not to move.
Every time I flinch or move, he adds 20 minutes. My ass is numbing and I’m getting sleepy. This sucks.
“More battles are lost through impatience than bad tactics. ‘It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.'”
“Ceasar.”
I get a small nod. “I see you’re paying attention to Les. ‘Beware the fury of a patient man.'” He looks at me and I shake my head. “John Dryden. Philosopher.”
New name to research.
I learn to sit and wait. As a RangeMan, I do surveillance with Ranger and it teaches me the value of this virtue. I learn to sit still and wait for my opponent to show himself. Takedowns are easier when I’m patient. Injuries and collateral damage are less when I wait.
I see the value in this. Never rush in headlong. Study your enemy. Know his movements. I did well in the meeting with him. I gained his interest, but I wasn’t ready, which allowed Tank to sneak up on me. If I’d really done my research, I would have ignored the restaurant once he arrived.
Tank was in his eyeline the entire time. Tank had me in his sight the entire time.
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worthwhile.—Ambrose Bierce
Six months earlier
Tomas and I are over. My first relationship with another man and we can’t sustain. This is a killable offense and we’ve been caught. Kevin is blackmailing us both and making a play to take over. I tell Tomas I’m getting out. I’m ready. That catches him off guard but he nods. He’ll make his own plans. I tell him to be gone by the time I announce.
I expect a bloodbath.
“Those are our brothers,” Tomas says.
“And Kevin is prepared to turn them all against us. You leave, I’m getting out. If we are meant for each other, we’ll see each other again.”
The night is tender and gentle but we both know this is it. Once I’m out, I’ll be considered dead to all Reyes. I’m prepared for this. I’ve wanted out for a long time.
I announce I want to bleed out at the next meeting. Kevin is furious because this poses a dilemma. I’m the gang’s highest earner. I’m brilliant at forgery and money laundering. The last thing they want is me to take my talents somewhere else.
That’s what they think. That I simply want to report to another Inca because I hate the Don.
I hate the Don because he’s blackmailing me over my relationship with the Inca. The shit is very personal and Tomas doesn’t have the balls to put his Don, Kevin, in check. I’m the one risking my neck in this affair. I’m done. I thought I loved Tomas, but I’m not willing to put my life in jeopardy. I’m not willing to die.
The time is set and I show, unarmed as I promised. I’m prepared for this.
I’m stunned to see Ranger show. It’s known he’s inactive and he says nothing to anyone but stands for me. New dilemma for my soon-to-be-former brothers. They know he’s armed, so if anyone gets any funny ideas, it’ll be a bloodbath.
Everything is kept fair. I take down 15 attackers, a quarter of the gang, the best fighters. I’m bleeding, but the training from Bobby means I’m standing, victorious, at the end. I walk out with my life.
Ranger and I climb into the SUV. He looks at me.
“That’s not over.”
Startled, I look at him. He nods.
“You’re too important to get away. Tomas bled into Newark and became the Don up there.” Ranger is silent for a few moments. “He’s proposed to a friend of his sister.”
I slump in the seat. I will not cry. We’re over anyway.
He’s leaving me to fight for my own life. I had hoped . . .
The first strike is against my mother’s apartment but no one is harmed. My mother and sisters moved out a month ago, after Ranger and I convinced them to move to a safer area. I told my mother I was finally getting out and, if I lived through it, Ranger had offered me a legitimate job in his company.
For the first time in years, my mother looked at me with pride on her face. I was no longer her embarrassing gay gangbanging son. Perhaps, if she was very lucky, I’d given up my gay fantasies.
I want to tell her to keep hoping. I slept with a woman as a teenager. Nothing in the encounter held my attention. I faked the end. The girl tried to pretend she was pregnant with my child, but considering I wore condoms and I didn’t come in her, that bit of blackmail ended quickly. The kid was Kevin’s. I’d get mad, but at the time he had the humiliation of being joked on for getting my sloppy seconds.
They firebomb the apartment. Ranger called me ten minutes beforehand and told me to clear out. I slide down the fire escape with my duffel and run two miles to RangeMan. Les meets me.
“Welcome back.”
I nod, wheezing. “Thanks.”
“You know what you’ll have to do.”
I nod. I’m ready.
Strike two is an attempt against my sister’s new apartment. I make it just in time to divert their attention from her, but she’s scared and angry.
“You led them to me!”
“I led them away from you, Alexa! I didn’t know they’d show here.”
Alexa is angry and will not be moved. “We’ll all die for your gang shit! We didn’t sign up for this! Papa would find you an embarrassment to our family and our name.”
I take a step back, silent. I loved Papa. I don’t think he’d hate me. Alexa covers her mouth and looks stricken.
“Oh, oh Hector—”
“You’re angry because you were nearly killed. I understand. I’ll take care of it. But never mention Papa to me again.”
I leave with a hole in my heart that hasn’t quite healed yet, but I take care of the ‘problem’.
Permanently.
For the first time in my life, I’m wishing the white girl bounty hunter would blow some shit up and get my actions off the news. I’ve seen her. I see what Ranger finds so interesting about her. She’s like a kitten, all cute and curious, but ferocious. She gets her teeth in something and she doesn’t let go.
I wonder why Ranger doesn’t train her. She’d be brilliant with some training.
“Hector?”
“Nikki?”
Unrelenting sobbing. It takes a few minutes but I get the gist. Mauricio, the idiot I warned her off, knocked her up and is pretending the kid’s not his. I’m not pleased.
“Nikki, querida, calm yourself. I’ll be there soon.”
I ask Ranger for a temporary transfer. He immediately approves.
“I’d like you to take a look at Atlanta and Miami anyway. Silvio is suggesting more servers in Miami.”
“No.”
Eyebrow from Ranger.
“It’s stupid to have a server farm in Miami. Hurricane Alley. The city floods every year. It’s thought that Miami will be entirely underwater in a few decades. Let’s avoid the heartache now. Let me examine Atlanta with an eye to rebuilding the server farm there. If the location is good and we can attract decent staff, move it there.”
Ranger stares at me then nods. I stand to leave.
“By the way, the announcement will go out today. You’re the new CIO. Congrats.” I’m shocked but Ranger smiles. “You earned it. Silvio never once caught you slipping in and out of our system. I told him today. He’s moving back to Miami.”
I leave with a smile on my face.
Six months later
This is my first legitimate, paying job and it pays really fucking well. Ranger gave me my guidelines: I’m the CIO. All tech is mine to control and administer. I’m in the leadership, at an XO level, and I’m a manager. I have at least two men at each branch, but whatever I think I need, I need to let him know. They’re searching for a partner for me.
That’s where I stopped him. No partner. I don’t trust anyone that much yet, aside from the Leadership Core, and I’m not breaking up their partnership. Ranger stares at me then nods. I’m getting a dispensation. I’ll be the only man in the company without a partner.
I’m surprised that Ranger put me in charge of the entire network, but he said it was mine to do as I will.
Famous last words.
I stopped in Miami for three months, checking our system. First thing I did was put up an industrial strength firewall, set up proxies, and put up the correct protections for RangeMan to operate as a true black-ops company. General Conyers has been directed to carefully created information that would lead him to believe that RangeMan in failing. He’s getting arrogant in his demands to Ranger. Ranger enjoys fucking with him every time he calls.
I immediately perform a skills assessment of every man in tech. I remove four men from the group and ask Ranger for permission to hire. I get it and hire six really smart guys and base them in Atlanta. They get started rebuilding the system the way I want it to operate. I have plans for company-wide initiatives, but for right now, I’m focused on getting the system locked down tight, getting the right tech for our current jobs, and ensuring every man understands that when I say ‘encrypt’, that’s an order, not a suggestion.
The men in Miami are arrogant assholes. They believe that because this is home office that makes them better than the rest of the offices. They quickly learn that gay jokes aren’t tolerated around me and calling something ‘gay’ because you can’t think of an appropriate insult will get you sliced if I hear it. I can’t wait to leave. I actually like the man in charge, Armando. He’s a good man but he has to strengthen his backbone. Consensus is not always the way to manage. He doesn’t like to fight and something about that bothers me.
Ranger is here for this meeting with Armando. I sent him my recommendations and he was amused.
“It’s not his body you’re after, right?”
I narrowed my eyes. “You know damn well Danny’s not my type. Too muscular.” Which is a damn shame. For some reason, of all Ranger’s XOs, he’s the one I like most. He’s loyal and truthful.
He laughed and agreed to move the servers to Atlanta. Now to tell the Miami men, including Silvio.
“I’ve decided to move the servers and all equipment to Atlanta,” Ranger announces.
The stunned faces are amusing. Mando leans forward. “Why?”
“This is Hurricane Alley. The entire damn city floods every year. Our entire network is at risk being located here. I agree with the assessment of our CIO.”
Mando glances at me and nods. Silvio is embarrassed and angry. “The staff?”
“We’ll keep two men in IT here. If the rest want to remain in IT, they’ll move to Atlanta,” I announce. In other words, Silvio and Raphael can keep their jobs but the arrogant fucker that just tried to make a play for my job? Not a fucking chance. He should be grateful I’m not taking him to the mats.
I’m in the hospital room. Mauricio should be here, but I can’t find him. A first.
Fine. Let him miss this moment in his son’s life. No, my son. I’m here. He’s mine.
Nikki has been in labor for six hours. She looks exhausted but I’m feeding her ice chips and rubbing her feet. The nurses all think my behavior is cute. I’m the ideal boyfriend. I scowl at Nikki every time someone says that.
Cute.
I’m not cute. I’m deadly! I’m the Asesino, according to Ranger. I’m a legend! I’m ruthless, deadly, not to be fucked with.
I’m . . . queasy.
That’s a lot of blood and an area of a woman’s body I have absolutely no interest in, but I’m not leaving. This is an important moment.
My son finally slips from Nikki, his nose and mouth are cleared (good, no butt slapping), and the doctor turns to me. “Cut the cord?”
Nikki smiles. “Go for it, Hec.” So I do. I cut the cord and watch my son’s red and slippery body being rubbed vigorously (be careful! He’s only seconds old.). He gives his first strong healthy cry, his tiny arms waving. I grin, tears on my face, and watch as they place him on his mother’s belly.
I’m curious about this little boy. Who is he? Who will he be? What can I teach him? Will Nikki allow me to stay close to him?
I follow the nurses over to the bassinet. They weigh him (8 lbs even! My big man!), measure him (21 inches. Good. He’ll be taller than his Tío), and ink his feet for ink prints. He’s cleaned and given to Nikki, who attempts to put him to breast. He latches on quickly and eats his first hearty meal.
I text Ranger. I’m an uncle.
Were you there?
Yes.
Then you’re a father, not an uncle. He will always be yours and you’ll never forget that moment. I envy you this time in his life.
I look at my son, Mijo, and smile.
Right. He’s mine.
I bundle Nikki and my son into my car the next evening and drive back to Nikki’s new apartment very carefully. Atlanta drivers honk and flip me off, but I have precious cargo in the back seat. We pull up to her apartment and Bobby is waiting outside. He’s here to see his family, so to see him here is surprising.
“Nikki, this is Bobby Brown.”
Bobby grins. “Congratulations. Need some help?”
She smiles nervously. “Please.” He helps her get out of the car then encourages her to lean on him for support. I smile and carefully gather Mijo. Les exits Nikki’s apartment (how did he get in? I thought I’d secured it well!) and grabs the baby bags and Nikki’s hospital bag from the car.
Nikki’s gasp has me wondering what happened. I step in and realize, yet again, that I’ve joined a brotherhood deeper than anything I experienced as a Reyes.
Les and Bobby painted Mijo’s baby room a pretty pale shade of blue, assembled the crib, and set up his nursery. Everything’s there, including a glider/rocker for Nikki (from Tank), a handwoven blanket, christening gown, swaddling clothes, pretty much every linen item (from Bobby) and a Diaper Genie and bottle warmer (from Les). Ranger’s gift? A deluxe travel car seat/stroller. The joint gift? A housekeeper for the next year.
I smile but I know it’s shaky. The guys ignore me in favor of looking at my son, giving me a chance to pull myself together. Nikki doesn’t bother. She’s crying silent tears and Les smiles and hugs her. “He’s a beautiful boy, but tell me, Hector Manuel? You couldn’t think of any other name? I mean, Lester Alejandro was a good choice.”
Bobby snorts. “Robert Emmanuel is better.”
“You hate your middle name.”
“Still better than Lester. Or Pierre Francois.”
“Man, Mrs. Carol Jean really did overdo the French theme on that name, huh?”
“Family names, which makes you wonder why she switched to Wilma for the next one.”
Nikki’s laughing now. They’re being idiots. Thank god. I can go cry in peace.
It’s a long six months. Nikki moves with me to New Jersey for three months while I fight the accusations of mass murder. Hey, it was not mass murder. A few lived. I lived. Self-defense, assholes. The police are clearly confused. Doting daddy or cold-blooded murderer? I’m not a murderer. I killed no one unless they came after me. Then all bets were off.
OK, so maybe I took a little more pleasure in Kevin’s death. Hold my sex life over me, huh? It was never any of your business, pendejo.
Ranger tells me the ‘rumors’ made it up and down the East Coast and my legend is solid. Twenty six murders, not a single arrest? Everyone wants to know how I did it. I’m a computer geek. He negotiated my freedom. I’ll stay out of Reyes politics and give them the information on my old rackets. In exchange, they’ll call off the blast on me.
Ranger, Tank, Bobby and Lester are my true brothers and they know it. Tomas? I can’t believe I was ever involved with him. He married a woman to kill any rumors about himself. She has to be miserable, married to a liar suspected of being gay.
No honor.
Mijo’s not a happy baby. I don’t know what colic is, but I know it doesn’t make him happy. This isn’t a threat I can fight with a gun or knife. I do lots of research on colic, learn nothing of help, and realize that I’m in for the long haul. It takes three months before the colic disappears.
The doctors need to find a cure for that fast. I love Mijo but I was ready to scream too.
The way Mijo smiles when he sees me make the police harassment worth it. The way he watches me makes me smile. His interest in his feet amuses me and everything goes in his mouth. I’m grateful for the housekeeper. I wipe almost everything that makes it anywhere near Mijo but he still manages to get things inside his mouth.
I talk baby talk when no one’s around. I sing silly songs and point out Curious George and Handy Manny. I’m not sure about Dora the Explorer or Blue’s Clues.
I learn to despise Elmo.
I notice there’s too much violence on TV and wonder how I’ll explain my past when the time comes. I’ll never lie to my son. I hope I’ve mastered the art of misdirection by then. My son is a smart little boy, I can tell. He watches everything. He watches my mouth as if he’s desperate to steal the words from my lips. He babbles back at us at ten weeks which, according to Nikki’s child development books, is very early. He responds to ‘Mijo’ and ‘Manny’ at four months.
Nikki grins the first time he says ‘maa maa’. I’m proud but annoyed. Hey Mijo, I’m the one here with you all day! Say ‘tío’. A week later I place him in his playpen before going to the bathroom and hear ‘dadadadadada’. I run right back into the room and he stops and grins. I raise an eyebrow, tip off out of sight, and he does it again. I walk back in and he stops. I grin. Mijo is a smart little boy and he’s teasing me.
I realize, a few weeks later, that my son has trained me. I tell Ranger and he jokes that the moment Mijo is potty trained he can become a RangeMan. Mijo had me trained faster than he did.
Nikki tells me the first smile was just gas. And? I smile after a good fart too. The pressure’s gone. Nikki laughs at me but I don’t care. I’m happy to see everything working out. He learns to roll over and gives me a small heart attack. I put him inside a pillow fort and he whines for freedom. I laugh and move him out, watching him like a hawk. Nikki is able to sleep and study, unless she has to feed him. She doesn’t have to worry about daycare because Tio Hector will always take Mijo. I can work from anywhere and I don’t need a lot of sleep.
I love fatherhood. What man could deny himself the joy of this?
Mauricio decides to come see his son when Mijo is seven months. I answer the door and stick a blade near his throat.
“Where have you been?” I hiss. He’s interrupting ‘Hide and Go Seek’ for today and I can hear Mijo getting upset that I’ve disappeared.
“Busy,” he replies nervously.
“Where?” My son is not happy. Tío should have reappeared by now.
“Jail. Got picked up the day he was born.”
Useless fuck. I hope, for Nikki’s sake, he was more competent between the sheets than he is as a banger. I let him in and Mijo winds down from his cry and stares at the new person. A new face. This is interesting.
Mauricio is useless as a father. He stands on the other side of the room looking at his son. I point to the couch, place Mijo in his arms carefully, and take a few moments to do a little cleaning. I look over and decide to cut Mauricio some slack. He is enthralled by Mijo, smiling at him and stroking his chin. Mijo is smiling and waving his hands in his father’s face. He looks at me.
“He looks like me.”
I nod. “Can’t deny it. So don’t. Participate in his life. You are his daddy. I am tío.”
“Nikki hates me.”
“Nikki hates that you haven’t been here. Be here. Apologize for missing his birth and talk to her. Be daddy.” I draw a blade and let it hang loosely at my side. Mauricio is frightened. “I am tío. You are daddy. He needs support. Make absolutely certain you discuss that with Nikki. I expect him to have his father’s support. If not your actual presence then you should at least provide a check.”
Mijo is learning to walk when Ranger calls. I put him in his playpen (he’s begun to despise it) and answer the phone.
“I need a favor .”
“When and where?”
“As soon as possible. Here in Trenton.”
“Name?”
“Abruzzi.”
I travel back to Trenton and get the info. Eddie Abruzzi is obsessed with Stephanie. He will not stop until she’s dead because she’s looking for a child who has something of his. I hate Abruzzi already. He’s stalking Stephanie and an innocent child? Please tell me I’m allowed to kill him. I’ll make an exception just for him.
Ranger’s sure that if the child has this medal, she doesn’t know it. Regardless, he ‘owned’ Benito Ramirez, and Stephanie’s murder of the man meant Abruzzi’s interest is deep and personal. He has to be stopped, but the Morelli asshole (I hate him. I wish he’d drop my case and let me live my life in peace) is watching Ranger closely. They’re in competition for Stephanie. If he actually kills Abruzzi without having an iron-clad alibi, Morelli will not rest until he’s behind bars.
Besides, Ranger’s running a surveillance operation for the government right now. This thing with Abruzzi is distracting him from a job but he can’t help himself. He goes when she calls him. Every time. Les is dying to tease him. Tank is, subtly. Bobby is laughing his ass off at all of it.
I want to tell Ranger he waited too long. He allowed an unworthy competitor to gain a toehold in his space. He’d chide me if it were me. So I tell him.
He smiles, faintly. “I’ve evened the odds.”
I wonder what that means. His phone rings. It’s Stephanie, calling to take Ranger up on his offer of a security system. I listen to the conversation, something to do with a rabbit suit. Ranger looks at me, eyebrow raised
“I’ll send Hector.”
“Hector scares the hell out of me,” she says. I grin. Good.
“Yeah, me too,” Ranger says, smiling. I chuckle. The look on his face says he hated admitting that in front of me but, clearly, he doesn’t lie to her. “But he hasn’t killed anybody in over a year now. And he’s gay. You’re probably safe.” Click.
I lean back and laugh my ass off. “You owe me.”
Ranger grins. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to make me suffer. Just be fair. Make sure I can start my car tomorrow.”
I finally ‘meet’ Stephanie and I like her almost immediately.
And I understand what he means by ‘evened the odds’. He’s slept with her and he’s fallen for her. He’s in love with her. He’ll do anything for her. I add her to my list of people to protect with my life at that moment.
“I installed a steel fire door and a floor bolt is in. The security is in. It won’t sound an alarm, since there are so many old people here, but it will tell her if someone’s attempted to breach her apartment. Are you sure you don’t want me to install more?”
“Positive. She’ll scream if I do. Besides, I want her to come to me. I’m not fighting The Cop.”
“I hope you have a battle plan, bro.” I stare at her. She’s completely clueless. “She’s worthy of you. She’ll keep you on your toes.”
“Too far.”
I snort. “Good luck. Your emotions are written on your face.” He schools his face immediately and I resist the urge to grin. I hand him the remote and leave.
Her car has been firebombed and the remote was inside. This is ridiculous.
I immediately go to her apartment and check. Clean. I program a new remote and wait.
Ranger is holding her hand when they appear. Holding hands? I want to grin but I keep my face blank. She’s still scared of me. The teardrops concern her. I’m amused. I’m tempted to tell her I don’t kill indiscriminately.
Just when my life, or the lives of those I love, are at stake.
Two hours later, we return. She can’t get in.
“What’s wrong?” Ranger asks.
“The door won’t open,” she replies.
“Probably a programming glitch.” The hell it is! He knows me better. “Do you have the keypad?”
She hands him the keypad and it takes everything I have not to laugh. She shot the shit out of it. Ranger and I look at it, each other, and raise an eyebrow. We’re laughing our asses off about this later.
“I think I see the problem,” Ranger says. “Someone’s shot the shit out of this keypad.” He turns it over in his hand. “At least you were able to hit it. Nice to know the target practice paid off.”
Ranger humor. Hermano, please stop. I’m gonna piss myself laughing later. I open the door and remove the sensors. She doesn’t want them. She’ll chance it.
Now, this is behavior I don’t understand. Instead of asking for a quick lesson on the remote, she’d rather put her life at risk. She might not be the right woman for Ranger. She cares little for her own life. She knows she has a psycho after her and she’d rather put herself in danger. Nope. I change my mind. Ranger needs a different woman, not her.
We leave. Once in the truck Ranger looks at me and we laugh.
“First fucking time she uses the goddamn gun and it’s to shoot the fucking remote. She routinely misses people but a 2″ square remote she hits with no problem.”
I sober. “Funny but disturbing.” Ranger’s smile drops. “She cares little for her own life.”
“Which is why she has all of me that I can give her right now.”
Abruzzi stuck a hot poker on Stephanie’s arm.
Ranger told him to back off. Abruzzi raised the stakes by kidnapping her. When she pulled into Pino’s, with her sister, duct-taped and burned, I was ready to kill then and there.
We’re ending the war now.
Les takes the difficult assignment. He’ll stay visible all night and participate in a takedown at a local bar, masquerading as Ranger. With makeup, the right padding and a good wig, he’ll pass easily and he does. I almost miss the markers that distinguish the cousins. Tank will remain at his back, another false signal that will encourage anyone looking to believe that’s Ranger.
Ranger and I will kill.
I check with Bobby. I need a way to kill him that won’t leave a mark.
“Air embolism.”
Bobby shows me how this works. A syringe filled with air, injected into a vein, will cause a forced heart attack. The only issue is finding a vein that will be overlooked. Bobby smiles.
“Don’t bother. You know how to find the jugular?” I nod. “Then the trick is finding a small needle.” He rummages around and eventually produces a tiny needle. “Insulin needles. It holds 70mL. You only need 60mL for your task.” He fills it with air, recaps it, and passes it to me.
Good. I’ll wait until he goes to sleep.
‘Clinton’, ‘Nixon’, and the Bag Man are easy. They aren’t personal. We shoot the shit out of them and make it look like they turned on each other. We don’t care about their bodies but we do ensure the guns are theirs. No stray bullets in the encounter. Without Abruzzi there to direct them, they’re shit.
Meanwhile, Ram has eyes on Abruzzi. He beeps me when Abruzzi enters his home. I head to his house and start cracking his security. Fifteen minutes later, he’s defenseless. I slip on the gloves, exercise caution, and slip through the house. I find his bedroom, Ranger right behind me. Good, he looks peaceful. I put the cameras on a loop and erase the last few minutes that reveal us sneaking in. Idiot. The video is all local. He should have uploaded to an offline site for maximum protection.
“Wakey wakey.”
His eyes open and he reaches for the gun that’s no longer within reach. Ranger and I are both pointing guns at him.
“This is how this is going to go. You are going to write a very penitent suicide note. We’ll give you an honorable exit. Or no one will ever find your body.” Ranger looks slightly amused.
“You are fools,” he snorts. “Power is my mistress. I have worked too hard at her conquest to allow anyone to take her away from me.”
I smile. “Napoleon. Here’s a new one for you: ‘It requires more courage to suffer than to die’.” My smile is cold and his smile drops. “Feeling courageous?”
I punctuate this by putting the gun away and drawing my blades. Ranger passes him a piece of paper and a pen. He swallows hard, made difficult by the fact that my blade is at his throat, and writes the note. He keeps glancing at the door.
“No one is coming. Clinton, Nixon, and Bag Boy are dead. Your security company thinks you’re locked in tight. And the cameras are on a loop.” Ranger removes the syringe, slips it into his jugular, and depresses the plunger. Ten minutes later, I’m certain he’s dead. Ranger checks the femoral. Dead.
We check the impulse to beat the shit out of him.
Ranger slips all the medals and medallions into a trash bag. He has a ‘Stephanie Fund’ and we’re pleased Abruzzi has decided to donate. We dress Abruzzi in his usual suit and I drive over to the farmer’s market. I’m smaller and less noticeable. I slip from the car, run a few blocks to Ranger’s Porsche, and we head back to the building.
“You’re leaving her with the competition?”
“She needs comfort. What can I give her?”
Comfort, hermano. You can comfort too.
This is the pattern to my interactions with Stephanie. Since she matters to Ranger, I watch her. I was right in calling her a kitten. All cute and curious, but no sense of self-preservation. But she doesn’t give up. I see that clearly and I admire it. No training, no background, but great instincts. And a positive attitude. I see why Ranger is attracted to her. She exudes life and fun and the endless possibilities of joy. It takes a lot to get her down.
When she runs a distraction, I find myself watching everyone in the room for threats. It’s not really necessary. She’s eye-catching. She’s beautiful and you just want to be in her presence. When things go wrong, she’s quick to put herself in danger for the men, to protect them, to give Ranger time to run an alternate plan. I see why the men love her. I start thinking of her as a guardian angel, waking the men’s hearts up and causing life to be lighter and brighter in the RangeMan building.
Still, the problem remains: she cares little for her life. Ranger is clearly in love but he’s not offering her anything until she grows up and gets serious about her life. This I understand. What I don’t understand is why he won’t put himself out there. Give her a reason to want you. Give her some hope and show more faith in her. She does damn near anything he wants when he asks. Does he really think she’s wouldn’t try for him? Or does he really believe The Cop is better for her?
I’m confused.
He barely visits his on-off in Miami anymore, preferring to spend time in Stephanie’s company. Even Jeanne Ellen is getting the cold shoulder, which I’m very glad about. The first time she asked him if he intended to upgrade his personnel, while glancing at me covertly, was the last time she ever saw his bed. He keeps track of her now merely because she’s operating in RangeMan territory and she occasionally asks favors, which he rarely grants. She can’t work them off the way she used to anymore and she has nothing else that he wants.
She’s attempting to capture Les’s attention but she better not. Les is vicious when it comes to women who insult the personal brotherhood. He’d screw her, allow her no pleasure, and turn her out the next day with no sweet words. Only his innate respect for women is keeping him from treating her like a whore.
I continue to watch this back and forth Stephanie has with The Cop. I don’t understand it. She doesn’t love him so why does she continue to go back? Familiarity? Geez. No guts, no glory, Plum. In life and in love. Same for you, Ranger. She’s clearly your woman. Claim her before it’s too late.
Then she breaks her leg.
I’m ready to give up on her ever getting it when Les shows up at my door.
“Hector? We have a favor to ask of you.”
“Yes?” I’m not putting Dolby on your stereo system. I can’t watch hetero porno in surround sound ever again. The guy’s ass doesn’t get enough screen time to make up for having to watch.
“We’d like you to partner Stephanie.” No. No fucking way. I like her but I like living more. My thoughts are written on my face when Les smiles. “Exactly. That’s why we want you to partner her. Your life will always be foremost in your mind. You can teach her to take her life seriously.”
“You want me to teach her to take herself seriously?” I raise an eyebrow.
Les closes the door and sits. “Steph’s problem is that she lacks self-worth. She doesn’t love herself. She’s constantly looking for someone to love her, to validate her. Because she doesn’t love herself, she gives herself, and her life, no value.”
“That’s a fundamental problem,” I point out. “I can’t teach her to love herself.” Are they asking me to fix her Daddy issues? I’m Tío and my little boy is due a visit soon. I miss him.
Les smiles. “No you can’t, but you can push her to succeed. As she gains small victories, all related to keeping herself safe, she’ll start to value her life. She needs to know she’s important and valuable even when her life’s not in immediate danger. You value life and living. She’ll have to start to take her life seriously in order to keep you alive.”
“Why not Ranger?”
“Between us?” I nod. “He’s too emotionally involved. He wants her to care about her life but he can’t blur the lines. He doesn’t have a clean way to do it that doesn’t put a relationship between the two of them at risk.”
“That makes no sense.”
Les sighs. “If he’s successful, all she’ll ever remember is that he made her change in order to have a relationship with him. Regardless of whether or not it’s for her, she’ll always resent it. She wouldn’t see it as Ranger giving a damn about her life and forcing her to do the same. She would see it as Ranger being just one more person who thought she was incompetent.”
Les slumps in the chair and sighs deeply. I stare at my computer screen, wondering how to teach someone to love themselves.
“She wouldn’t listen to Ranger,” Les says quietly. “She doesn’t listen to him now. She runs from his attempts to help. She’d fight him because she loves him and wants to be his equal and she’s nowhere close to that right now. That’s why we’re taking advantage of this opportunity. She can be mad at me for manipulating her into this for the rest of my life as long as she doesn’t resent Ranger.”
I think about this in light of what I know about her and him. Les is right. After all, it’s the reason I waffle on her being the right woman for him. She doesn’t care about her life and Ranger has dangerous enemies. She’s already been used once to draw him out. “So why not you? Or Tank? Or Bobby?”
“I’m bad for obvious reasons.” Yeah, you want to sleep with her. I grin and Les laughs. “She sees Bobby as the man who wipes her tears and makes her feel better. She would be shocked if Bobby started putting her through the same grueling routine he put you through.” True. Bobby has no patience for whining and excuses. He’d completely break her, emotionally. “Tank? Tank’s in the same headspace as Bobby and it’ll be even more personal to him. Her actions affect Ranger, which affects him. He doesn’t have the patience for her right now either.”
So I really am the only option.
“She won’t fight you. You love her but you won’t accept her excuses because it’s your life and your rep at stake.” Damn right! Les grins. “Plus, you’re gay. Zip sexual interest between you two, so there’ll be a true friendship, a true partnership. Ranger will trust you with his woman and Stephanie will know that anything you say to her won’t have a sexual tinge to it. You can truly act as her friend and mentor.”
I consider his words and agree.
Stephanie Plum is now my partner. I hope she’s ready.
I refuse to die. Even for her. She’s going to have to live, for me.
A/N: Several conversations taken directly from Hard Eight.
