Chapter 52: Holidays on Ice
Frank’s POV
A week at the beach. Normally this would be great, but it’s a week at the beach with Edna, Kloughn, and the entire estrogen clan.
I’m taking all my scotch and cigars.
Helen has been excited ever since Pumpkin called to say she’d rented a house at Point Pleasant for a week. My wife has been packing, cooking, planning and directing her mother and Sunshine with all the fervor of a newly minted general out for his first battle. Edna has been over here daily, clogging up my bathroom and getting in the way, helping Helen pack sheets, pillows, blankets–just about half our house. Sunshine brings her girls over, all three of them, and helps her mother out by cooking and packing our cookware and dishes.
I’m almost certain Pumpkin said this place was furnished. Why do we need all this stuff?
At any rate, I’ve been told to stay out the way and not open any boxes so Helen could keep her list in order. Fine. I’ll hang out in the garage. In the meantime, I’ve been trying to estimate Pumpkin’s salary. The moment Pumpkin gave her mother the address, I went to the cab company and looked the place up on the computer. The pictures online showed a great looking house, 5 bedrooms, 3 baths (THANK YOU, PUMPKIN!) and a rental price of $3200 a month.
I choked on my coffee. Christ! That used to be my monthly gross when I worked at the Post Office.
So if Pumpkin can afford to pay that for one month at the beach, then she has to be making six figures at RangeMan. My daughter. My Pumpkin. A serious career woman making six figures. I smiled the entire day, which made Helen suspicious. Thankfully, she waited until her loudmouth mother left before she asked.
“OK, Frank. You’ve been smiling all day. What’s going on?”
I pretend to be insulted. “What? Can’t a man smile in peace?”
Helen narrows her eyes. “Talk. Or I . . . I . . . I send the desserts to RangeMan.”
They won’t eat them. That’s a waste. “The house has three bathrooms.”
Helen looks at me with narrowed eyes. I can see she’s considering the options. True, that would be enough to make me grin, but grin like I have been all day? No, she knows something is up.
“Yes, I know, Frank. Now tell me the truth. What has you so happy?” Helen turns to stuff another towel into a box.
“I’m trying to guess Pumpkin’s salary.”
She looks up. “And?”
“I’ll let you do the math. House at the beach is $3200 a month. Pumpkin can afford to rent it without asking everyone to pitch in. Do some quick math.”
Helen’s eyebrows furrow. She sits at the table and thinks. I watch as she multiplies the house rental out to a yearly. Her eyebrows shoot up. Then I watch her do some quick thinking and her eyes light up.
“Frank . . .” her voice is breathless. She looks astonished.
“Exactly,” I reply smugly. “Those men are paying our daughter her worth. Whatever it is, it’s a great paycheck, and she has no expenses except rent and utilities on her old apartment for your mother. That’s what, $1000 a month? Everything else she gets to stash away.” I grin and walk into the kitchen for the scotch. I fill two highball glasses with ice and walk back into the living room, where Helen is looking up in wonder. I place the glasses in front of her, fill them, and lift one.
“To Ranger and the men of RangeMan. God Bless them all!”
I down my shot in one gulp.
After Mass on Sunday, I’ve just startedloading up our Buick with all of Helen’s ‘Must Have’ supplies when I get a very welcome set of visitors. Henry, Angelo, and Ramsay show up with an SUV and a van to help us move our supplies. The men are smiling.
Henry. “Mr. Plum, sir. How are you today?”
“Doing well, boys, doing well. Have you come to assist?”
“Yes sir,” Ramsay replies, taking the box from me. Thank god. My arm was going numb. “Just need to know how you would like to get these packed and we’ll follow you out to Point Pleasant.”
I nod. “Where’s Pumpkin and Hector? Half expected to see them show.”
Angelo replies, “Stanno già fuori a Point Pleasant, signore. Stephanie aveva bisogno di firmare il contratto di noleggio e ottenere le chiavi, così Hector ha presa là fuori. Inoltre, Hector sarà alloggiato vicino, in modo che è andato avanti e ha preso la sua roba così ha potuto ottenere risolta dentro,” (They’re already out at Point Pleasant, sir. Stephanie needed to sign the rental agreement and get the keys, so Hector took her out there. Also, Hector will be staying close by, so they went ahead and took his stuff so he could get settled in.)
I love when Angelo shows, and he tells me that there is one more Italian man at RangeMan. I can’t wait to meet him. I could never get Sunshine or Pumpkin interested in speaking Italian and it’s nice to have someone to chat with. I knew Morelli knew, so I used it to occasionally tell him how much I still wanted to put a bullet in his brain. Just so he understood that the Tasty Pastry incident had not been forgiven by me.
I nod and call back into the house for Helen. She comes out and is surprised to see RangeMen numbering her boxes.
“Ma’am, if you have a list of what’s in each box, we’ll go ahead and label and stack these in the van so you are packed and ready to leave,” Ramsay says. Angelo and Henry have not stopped tagging items.
Helen hands over the list wordlessly and the boys begin identifying boxes and loading the van. A job that might have taken me about an hour or more they have completed in 20 minutes. I’m shaking my head and I turn to speak to Helen only to realize she’s gone. I walk back into the kitchen and my wife has started a full Sunday brunch for the boys. I grin and walk back outside.
“Seems my wife would like to thank you by inviting you to Sunday brunch. Have a few moments?”
Ramsay and Angelo look at Henry, who checks his phone. “They’re still waiting on the realtor.” He shrugs and gives a tiny smile. “We’d be honored, sir. Does your wife need us to go grab anything?”
I motion for them to follow me in. Helen has coffee, tea, and pastries ready, is putting scrambled and poached eggs onto a platter and is frying steaks and stirring oatmeal. The men look on approvingly.
“Here, boys, sit and eat. I’ll have the steaks done in a moment and I’ll grab the orange juice.” Helen is a whirlwind. She’s spent a lot of time on the phone with Ella, the RangeMan housekeeper, and learned a lot of new recipes. She has begun to appreciate having the RangeMen at the table because it’s an entirely new group of eager mouths to feed. Plus, the RangeMen always compliment her cooking and offer to clear the table. Little things like that remind me to thank my wife for her meals, but I told her to use those new recipes on Pumpkin and the boys. I prefer meat and gravy.
As usual, the boys do a great job of eating everything Helen places on their plates and offer to clear the table, but Helen has it under control. We’re just waiting for the Kloughns (I can’t believe my daughter married a man named Kloughn) and Edna. The minivan (Kloughn kar?) pulls up and everyone piles out. Edna is wearing her beach attire: a hot pink swimsuit with a white crochet cover up. I’m not sure I have enough scotch to forget that sight and I hear a small whimper behind me.
“One more, for me, please,” I whisper. I hear three more whimpers.
Edna’s POV
Thank God! I love my great granddaughters, but five more minutes with them and I would choke both Mary Alice and Angela. Lisa’s constant screaming didn’t help either.
It amazes me how Valerie went from being a calm, cool, collected mother and wife to a barely in control scatterbrain. I always knew husbands were hazardous to your health, but this takes the cake. Albert is a child himself, and it’s as if my granddaughter knows and accepts that she now has five children. I’m not fooled; I see that pudge in her midsection. Apparently, ole’ Albert might have enough balls to manage to knock her up again. God, I hope not.
I climb out of the minivan at Helen’s and stretch my legs. Frank is standing on the lawn with three RangeMen and they all look stunned. I grin. I knew I looked good in this swimsuit. Wait till they see the bikini!
“Frank! I know I look good but you don’t have to do the fish impression just for me.” I smile and strike a Bette Davis pose and watch as all four men shut their mouths with a snap. Helen comes out the front door, locks it and frowns at me.
“Mother! For goodness sakes, what on earth will the neighbors say? You’re parading around half dressed! This isn’t the beach! Get back in the van or get in the Buick! What on earth are you doing?”
“Trying to stretch my legs! I was cooped up in that minivan.”
“Well, that’s no reason to parade around half dressed! It’s 90 minutes to Stephanie’s rental. Why didn’t you wear comfortable clothes for this trip? And we may stop on the way there! We’ll need to get food and sun block . . . ” Helen continues to chatter while I mentally block her.
“Grandma, it’s only a 10 minute ride from your apartment to here,” Val says. She, too, is stretching, which lifts her shirt slightly. I see the moment Frank and Helen notice the pudge and Helen trails off, staring.
“Um …Sunshine? You have some news for us?” Frank asks cautiously. I see the RangeMen poke each other.
Val shifts, nervously, and blushes. “Well . . . ” she smiles, “I just found out I’m,” Albert clears his throat, “sorry dear, we’re having a baby!”
I’m sure I look as pole-axed as Frank and Helen. I know love is supposed to be all you need, but money helps. These two are constantly short on that necessity. How is another baby going to help? Good Lord.
I suppose the silence has gone on too long because Valerie’s face begins to fall. From the inside of the minivan, we can hear Angie yell, “Yeah, that was our reaction too. Me and MA.”
Angie’s comment spurs Helen into action. “Oh, Valerie.” She’s all smiles. No matter what, a baby is a precious life to be blessed and appreciated. “Congratulations! Are you OK? When are you due? Do you need anything?”
Helen and Valerie start chatting about baby items and I move near Frank. We look at each other.
“Scotch has been packed.”
Damn.
Helen’s POV
I need a drink. How on earth does my daughter continue to reproduce with Albert? I’m not trying to be judgmental, but he lacks any real markers of manliness. Frank, in his prime, was a stud. Both Joseph and Ranger are prime examples of manliness, as are the RangeMen, but Albert?
Well, I guess that just goes to show. My daughters can pick ’em. Stephanie picks the ones who look like men. Valerie picks the ones who prove it. Well, at least she’s married and has children. Stephanie will get there someday, I hope.
I’m making small talk with my daughter while trying to remember where I packed the emergency bottle of Wild Turkey. I’ll need a hit the moment I can get away. This has already been one hell of a morning.
On the positive side, I must admit that, since I’ve started treating the RangeMen better, my life has improved in ways I didn’t expect. First, they’re appreciative of my meals and they’re vocal about it. Their good manners have forced the rest of my family to display theirs, with the result that, for the first time in years, I’m actually being complimented and thanked for dinner. Our family meals are entirely different now.
That was an eye-opener. Far from being thugs, they are quiet, polite, and well-mannered young men who always offer to assist and always send a thank you card after every meal. I had not realized how much I missed being complimented and appreciated for the hard work that I put in.
It forced me to overcome my disdain for their housekeeper at RangeMan and actually call and talk to her. That was the second surprise. Mrs. Guzman was just as polite and friendly as the men she cares for and she’s a dietician. She came over a few times, while Frank was at the cab company, shortly after Stephanie started at RangeMan to help me pick out appropriate meals for Stephanie and the RangeMen.
I confided that I might try to use some of them on Frank, as his doctor had just informed him that he had to get his blood pressure numbers down. She pulled out a binder of heart-healthy recipes and I’ve been slipping those meals into the rotation, with the result that Frank’s numbers were down slightly at his next check-up. Her recipes are so good Frank barely even notices they’re healthy, so I’m anxious to contact her again for some more recipes. The day I slipped a Salisbury steak in on him made partially of mushrooms was the day I realized that my meat and potatoes husband could be fooled into eating healthier.
I’m not going to say that I’m fully a RangeMan fan, but I acknowledge that there are more positives than negatives to Stephanie working there.
Third, they’re willing to help. I was shocked to see them show up with a van and an SUV this morning. I’d spent the night trying to figure out how Frank and I were going to get our things to Stephanie’s rental. Even stuffing some things in the minivan, we might need to make two trips. Now, we only need to make one and everything will be delivered.
I couldn’t think of any way to thank them except to feed them. I’m still surprised they just jumped right in and had us packed and ready so quickly.
Finally, Frank’s thrilled when they come over and he talks when they’re around. I realized that all my husband’s childhood friends were either dead (Mob), in jail (Mob) or moved away (Witness Protection). His remaining friends are the men from the cab company and our married friends, and none of those men are likely to show up at our dinner table. The RangeMen are the sons he always wanted but we could never have. Plus, he’s thrilled whenever Angelo shows up so he has someone to speak to in Italian. I wonder why he never spoke to Joseph in Italian and make a note to ask him later.
I’m not sure what they’re paying Stephanie, but I agree with Frank: It must be at least six figures. I hope she’s being responsible with her money and saving just in case she doesn’t have this job in a year but in the meantime, I’m happy that’s she’s getting training and learning how to be a better bounty hunter. It makes conversations at Giovichinni’s a lot easier.
Flashback Section—The day of Plum Dinner Fun, Part III
“Helen!”
Lovely. Emily Restler. She loves to poke me about the fact that her daughter is still married to her first husband, with three children and a nice safe teller job at the bank. I usually have to grit my teeth when she gets started on my daughters, but not today. I have ammo.
“Helen, how are you?”
“I’m wonderful, Emily. How are you?”
“Doing well, dear. Doing well. Just here to pick up some lunch meat for the babies.” She smiles, like a shark. “Dear Susan is having another. A second boy, you know. Don and I are so proud.” She smiles beatifically and I smile back, pleasantly.
“Congratulations. Six grandchildren, how wonderful. You barely look old enough to be a grandmother,” I reply, a subtle reference to her senior year pregnancy with Susan and Susan’s senior year pregnancy with her oldest.
Her smile dims slightly. “Yes, I’m glad. I’ll be the youngest looking grandma around.”
My mother, bless her, decides to help in her usual way. “Yeah, and when your oldest granddaughter gets knocked up at 17, you’ll be the youngest great-grandmother around too! Only a few months to go, right?”
Bless you, Mother. Emily turns red and the people around us turn quickly to hide their smiles.
“Good to see you too, Edna. Tell me, how are your granddaughters doing?”
Oh Mother, please don’t screw this up. I haven’t had such good ammo in . . . well, since Stephanie married Richard.
“I’m having a grand time! Got me a hot new bachelorette pad, thanks to my baby granddaughter. I know you saw the press release. Stephanie’s in charge of RangeMan and all those hot RangeMen from Miami to Boston. My baby granddaughter, in charge of a multimillion dollar company and hundreds of hot sexy men with guns!” Mother cackles and I smile. Perfect delivery Mother! “Susan just gets to count the money but my baby is in charge of making it!”
Excellent! Emily turns beet red while I paste a pleasant smile on my face. Mother is doing this so much better than I could.
“Well, let’s hope she makes it more quietly than her previous job—”Emily begins, but Mother cuts her off.
“Nope. I doubt it. This is Stephanie we’re talking about. Ranger is no fool and neither are his partners in the business. Stephanie had a 100% success rate as a bounty hunter, and they know she’ll bring her talents and skills to RangeMan and make lots of loud money for them too!”
Everyone in Giovichinni’s is straining to hear this conversation. Seeing that continuing to talk with Mother will only lead to embarrassment, Emily turns to me.
“Well, Helen, you must be thrilled that Stephanie has a nice safe desk job now. No more calls that she’s been shot or blown something up or lost a car. You and Frank must be thrilled.”
Emily, I can’t thank you enough for the setup. “I’m happy Stephanie has this job, but it’s not a desk job. She’s working more on the company matters right now, but the men are training her to their standards. I expect she’ll be back on the streets with them very soon, hunting down criminals.” I smile and watch as Mother grins approvingly at me. “Actually, I can’t wait to see it. I’ve always wanted Stephanie to get a little more training and I expect she’ll be a force to be reckoned with when she gets back on the streets. Besides, Stephanie has that 100% capture rate to uphold and she hates being tied down. I don’t think it will take very long.”
“But still, she’s in charge of a—” Emily stops, thinks, and turns to Mother. “Did you say multi-million dollar company?”
We both nod and grin. “Five locations and hundreds of men. She just got back from her first management trip to Atlanta. The men there love her. She came home with RangeMan Atlanta . . .” I can’t remember the word and look over at Mother.
“Swag. You know, hats, shirts, all that stuff.” Mother grins and adjusts her dentures discreetly.
The line at Giovichinni’s has ground to a halt. Even Gina has stopped slicing meat to listen.
“Well, how nice.” Emily is at a loss for words and I can’t wait to get home and crow. Finally! No more embarrassment at Giovichinni’s! Suddenly, Emily looks up and smiles pityingly. “Well, since poor Joseph has disappeared, I suppose her relationship with him is over.”
I blink. Damn! I wasn’t ready for that but thankfully, Mother jumps in.
“Thank goodness for it too. That boy wasn’t going to come up to scratch and I’m not fond of the idea of being related to Bella.”
Everyone in Giovichinni’s shivers.
“Me and Frank, we’re hoping that Stephanie’s friendship with Ranger goes somewhere, but Helen here,” Mother looks at me hard. I know that look. It says ‘play along’. “Helen just wants Stephanie to concentrate on being a career woman for a little while. Being in charge of a big successful company like RangeMan will put Stephanie in front of other rich, successful men. Hell, Stephie might be able to find someone much better than anything that Trenton can offer. Stephie’s got a lot to offer the right man.”
That is why I love my mother. She covered for me with an explanation that was so good even I believed it.
With that, Helen is done. Her face is pink again and she’s turned to Gina to give her order. When it’s our turn, Gina Giovichinni-Lorenzo smiles at me and asks me to tell Stephanie she said hello and good luck. On our way back home, Mother turns to me.
“You better anticipate every snide remark everyone might come at you with for a while. It was clear you weren’t ready for that question, Helen, but I was.” Mother suddenly smiles, a soft smile I haven’t seen in a while. “It was nice to see you stick up for Stephie back there. Quit letting other people tear your daughter down. I’ve never let them do it to you.”
I blink. “Me? What do you mean?”
Mother snorts. “What? You think you haven’t been the subject of gossip all these years? Everyone wanted to know what kind of mother you were since Stephanie couldn’t seem to do her job without blowing something up, getting hurt, etc. and so forth. What kind of morals did you teach your girls, since Val had Lisa right after she married Albert and Stephanie? Well, Stephanie’s behavior with Joe and Ranger has made people wonder who was really at fault in her divorce from Dickie. Trenton is a political town, Helen, and people love to gossip but they know better than to do it in front of me. I cut everyone who gossips about you, Stephanie, or Valerie off at the knees.”
I continue to drive home in shame. Mother is right. I’ve spent the last few years moaning about the fact that Stephanie wouldn’t get a different job to anyone who would listen. The gossip about her is vicious but I’ve fed it. I wanted her to give that job up, get married, and be safe. I still want her to get married and be safe, but I can tolerate the job if she stops getting hurt. Now that she has this job I’m going to have to work twice as hard to prove I believe Stephanie can do it. Worse is the fact that everyone, like Emily, will believe I only want her to succeed in this job because she’s behind a desk. That’s not true! I just want her to stop getting hurt. I don’t want her to be stalked anymore. I want her to live a normal, quieter life. Being stalked by crazies is not a normal life!
Well, I’m not sure she can do the job but that wasn’t my call. That was Ranger’s and Frank has forced me to admit that he always comes through for her. He always backs her up and gives her what she needs. If he thinks she can run his company, I need to start believing she can run his company.
I walk into the house and find my whiskey. I pour myself a double and knock it back in one quick gulp.
If I truly want to support my daughter and encourage her to get better at this job, to help her stay alive, then the first thing I have to do is make sure she understands that it’s important. The RangeMen are coming to dinner tonight. Time for me to find out what Stephanie has learned and encourage her, if I can.
Twenty minutes later, Stephanie calls her father and says she has the keys and we’re free to come to the house. We all pile into the cars, Mother climbing in with me and Frank. Darn. I wanted to talk to Frank on the ride up but with Mother in the car, he won’t say a word.
Two hours later (one stop for both Valerie and Lisa), we arrive at the rental and gape. It’s a stunning house and a wonderful location. I can see the ocean from the driveway. Stephanie walks out and greets us, well, her father and me. Valerie has rushed inside in search of a bathroom.
“What’s with her?” Stephanie asks. Her sister nearly pushed her into the ground trying to run in.
“Baby,” Frank says, shaking his head.
“Lisa needs a change that badly?”
“That too,” Mother replies, shaking her head.
Stephanie looks at all of us in confusion. She finally turns to Henry, who grimaces.
“Cal.”
This must mean something to Stephanie because her eyes get big and she turns back around to me. “Val’s pregnant? Again?”
“Yeah,” Angie replies. She and Mary Alice have walked over and are hugging their aunt around the waist.
Stephanie looks stunned, but she turns to look at her nieces. “You girls must be thrilled.”
Both girls look at her and roll their eyes. “Nice try, Auntie Steph, but you missed believable by a mile,” Mary Alice says.
Stephanie bites her lip trying not to laugh and pulls out her phone. “OK, well, run inside and pick out your bedroom. You two will have to share but there are two bedrooms with twin beds.” She types something into her phone and the girls take off.
Moments later, Hector appears with glasses of ice and a bottle of whiskey. Stephanie smiles and turns to Henry. “Can you explain it to him?” Henry nods and while Frank, Mother, and I finally take those long awaited gulps, the RangeMen give Hector a short explanation. He looks at us, looks at Stephanie and his coworkers and disappears back into the house. He reappears a short time later with a tray containing tequila, orange juice and more glasses.
I don’t care that he doesn’t speak English. He knows liquor and he’s rapidly becoming my favorite RangeMan.
Ram’s POV
I’m grateful I’m getting another look at the beach house Stephanie has rented for six weeks. Hector brought us up here two days ago, after Ella gave him the address, and he, Zip, Hal and I did a preliminary security assessment on the house.
Our conclusion? Security nightmare.
It’s in the middle of a block of homes, so establishing a guard without Steph knowing will be impossible. In traffic from Ranger’s house, Hector tells us it is a 15 minute drive. Since the location of Ranger’s Point Pleasant home is classified, Hector will be her only protection up here for a week.
We know Hector is deadly but he’s 15 minutes away. We’re nervous.
We didn’t have the authority to wire the place for security until Steph took possession of the keys, but now that she’s onsite, we’ll have to wait until she leaves before we can wire the place for a 24-hour guard. This means we’ll have to be extra sneaky to do it. She just blew up ten days ago and the last thing we want is for her to feel we’re smothering her, but we need to know she’s safe. Our lives aren’t worth living if something happens to her.
This is frustrating but Hal’s taking it in stride. As the former head of the security installs unit, he’s accustomed to assessing and mentally mapping a house for security. I couldn’t understand how a guy who built bombs found this work interesting, but he told me it was the same skill-set. When we assessed the house last week, he explained to us what he was doing.
“The important thing to remember in an implosion is that you only want to take down what you’re assigned,” he stated. “So when you assess a target for implosion, you look for weak points and natural points of defense. Look for possible sources of collateral damage and seek to minimize. Use nature to your advantage whenever possible. Use enough explosives to get the job done but not so many that it’s overkill, and if you’re doing this under fire, do it fast and be prepared for something to go wrong. This is where my attention to detail has always helped.
So when I assess a client, or in this case, our CO, for security, I’m looking for places to hide the wires and the cameras. Ways to source power and hide it where it won’t be found but where we can remove it when the lease is up. Eliminate ideas we can’t use, like the guard we used to have on her apartment, and replace it with motion-activated cameras and sound monitoring.
She’ll find all these ideas completely invasive so we’ll have to sell this to her gently. It has to be done and we’ll walk a fine line between giving her privacy and assuring her safety, but at the end of the day, she’s not offline. Her protection is simply a few miles away instead of on-site.”
Hal grinned and looked at me. “That’s why you’re here, Silver Tongue. Your job is to tell her.”
Zero laughed and Hal smirked. I considered this. I was being given the suicide job. I considered flipping Hal the finger but realized I could make out like a bandit here. “I’ll consider it if I’m not still being considered for payback for the party.”
I watched Hal consider it. I hoped he would agree. I’d been looking over my shoulder ever since. “Agreed.”
Thank god. Now to walk into range of the firing squad.
I wait until Steph is making an escape from her family to move in. She’s at the side of the house looking at the street.
“Steph?”
She whirls around, eyes wide. “Ram, tell me, why on earth did I agree to host my family in my hiding spot for a week?” Steph looks a little wound up, so I turn her back around and start giving her a shoulder massage.
“Because you love them. Because you haven’t seen them in a while. Because it’s a major holiday celebrated with fireworks and cotton candy and hot dogs and barbeque. You’ll sit on the beach and soak up the sun, a vacation for a week if you will, and watch your family act insane. Your mother will cook food that all of us will have to forget you ate this week and your grandma will display a succession of highly embarrassing bikinis that will remind you that getting on the treadmill now will delay the sag.”
Throughout my little pep talk, Steph’s been calming down. Now she’s started laughing.
“Your father will find the one place in that house to hide and you’ll join him and smoke a cigar or two. You’ll chase your nieces on the beach, you will avoid diaper duty like the plague, and you’ll make polite noises when your sister starts talking about pregnancy and childbirth and remember that watching your sister’s water break made Cal faint dead away.”
Steph’s turned back around and she laughing against my chest while I rub her back. I’m trying hard not to laugh myself. Cal’s not lived that down yet.
“You’ll watch your brother-in-law drop all his meals into his lap and your mother will clean like a maid regardless of the fact that you hired maid service—”
“How did you know I hired a maid service?” Steph says, looking up at me suspiciously.
“Ella,” I reply calmly. “You attract weirdoes. Our job is to ensure your safety.”
She looks like she’s winding up to yell when she calms back down. “You find anything?”
“As long as Nancy is the only one in the house, we’re fine. She’s a sole proprietorship, so we don’t expect problems. If she shows up with someone let us know, Steph.” She pouts. “Seriously. We cleared her but no one else.”
“Well, I guess I can live with it. I admit I’ve been staring into corners and trees trying to find the cameras.”
Good segue. “Speaking of which—”
She groans. “Please tell me you haven’t.”
“We haven’t.” She smiles. “We’ve been assessing and planning for it.”
“Ram! That isn’t fair.” Steph exhales and I hand her my handkerchief. It’s quiet for a moment before she speaks. “The entire point of renting this house was to get away from all the monitoring and security. To feel free again. To enjoy a weekend at the beach with my family without feeling under guard.”
“Says the woman with six trackers currently on her body.” Steph glares at me. “Sorry, but this is a reality of your life right now, but Hal and I want to talk to you about some limits. We recognize that we can’t put a guard on the house and if we go overboard wiring for security you may run away from us never to return, so we want to discuss it with you. Come up with a level of security that we can all live with. At least hear us out, Steph.”
Steph turns toward the road and stares out. After a few minutes she speaks. “What are you planning?”
Zero and Hal join us and speaks up. “Well, I’ve assessed and this is what I’m thinking. I want to establish a light perimeter, cameras on the house directed at points of entry, motion activated only. We’ll put sound monitoring on the house, recorded, but not actively monitored. Most importantly, we’ll establish a household panic button wired to three spots in the house and your phone. We’ll wire the interior for cameras that will only record when that button is activated and everything will be recorded from that moment. It will also alert RangeMan to send a security force stat. Workable?”
Steph is silent. “So, you’re only recording who walks in and out the house?” We nod. “You’re recording conversations in the house but they’ll only be reviewed if something happens, no live eavesdropping?” We nod. “And three panic buttons that work like my personal panic button?” We nod. Steph thinks. “Will it update Hector too?”
“Yes,” Hal replies. He stops to think. “The sound monitoring will be disabled at night once RangeMen are present.”
Silence. Finally, she sighs. “OK, that’s workable.” Thank God. I had nothing else lined up. “How much time do you guys need in order to set this up?”
“We brought everything with us. Your mother wants to grill tonight, so if you can keep everyone out the house for about an hour, we’ll wire the place. We can start wiring the yard now and get all the cables buried and the backup generator in place.”
Steph nods, reluctantly. I smile at her. “Hey, think about it. No RangeMen sitting in a car outside the house, none of us onsite until your family leaves, and no one is actively monitoring the house. The most that might catch our eyes is the sight of your grandma walking in and out in a bikini. Please tell her to wear clothes.”
Zero, Hal and I shiver while Steph laughs.
The hot pink swimsuit was enough. I need a drink.
